Thanks. I just replied.

L.

Naw. I wouldn't bother. He's not interested in what you think. He will just use that to "prove" the marriage is beyond salvaging, and that he is doing the right thing.

Why play into his hands? Wait till you have a few more choices.

I, too, still get mad -- at lots of people in this. They don't want to hear. Just refocus on something that will do you some good -- use that energy for a job application, or mopping a floor.



No it's not. It's a waste of your money.

The only effective, medicinal part of St. John's Wort is the buds, and they have to be processed a certain way. At the buck-a-gallon places, the whole plant is dried up and ground . If you are going to use it (and I'm not a particular fan of self-prescriptions), at least get good quality stuff, from Germany or somewhere.

hurtinginokla,

I have never tried St. Johns Wart, but I have studied herbs, vitamins, etc... and I like most herbs. I take a womens multi-vitamin with iron. And a B-complex vitamin that works wonderful. The B vitamins seriously help with depression, stress, and fatigue. But you should take them all to feel the best. Take them with food. Also try to drink juices, and lots of water. Try to keep your day as routinely scheduled as possible, giving time out for yourself also.

I hope the A with OW and your H dies fast!!!!

Love prayers & hugs to you and your family, Lady

Thank you lady for the info.

I also hope hope the A dies fast but at this point I am not so sure...

I am hoping him leaving and going on the road helps but who knows. I know in planb there is not suppose to be contact , but he has not even tried so it just makes me wonder if he even really cares anymore. At least if he attempted to I would know he still has some feelings....

I am sorry you're hurting so much. I know what you are going through. Of course it wouldn't hurt as much if you didn't love him! Hang in there. When you have those unbearable moments, try taking a few deep breaths. It might help.

quote:---------------------------------------------------
Right this moment I am hating him with every bit of my being ....
---------------------------------------------------------

That's exactly why N/C is better for your long-term objective.

N/C with WS in PLAN B, among other things:

a) helps BS avoid major LBs and doing further damage to the M, as it has already suffered a major blow: WS's affair...if ever recovery of M becomes an option in the future.

b) forces BS to 'withdraw' from WS (and it's painful), and helps stand firm re boundaries.

c) helps BS to...eventually focus less and less on WS, in case WS decides to stay out of our lives.

The hardest thing I have trouble accepting is that it has nothing to do with 'what we deserve', it just is.

Seeing a counsellor should help, Hurting.

Take care.

{{{{{{{{{Hurting}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Maybe you should see how the NC benefits you...of course stay in Plan B as prescribed here...but to help you understand why you need to. Do what I did make a list of the Costs/Benefits of having contact and no contact. No matter how I looked at it the benefits of staying in NC clearly outweighed ANY benefits from having communication. Of course you have to be truthful when you do this...be honest with yourself...and maybe have DD help you with this. I went over it with my best friend and where I wasn't very honest, she was.

If he attempted, you would know he is CAKE-EATING...

Trying to get a little bit of the cake from you and most of it from her...

I fell into this trap, Hurting, and I wish I hadn't...

What you want is ALL OF HIM...You don't want him until he is COMPLETELY FINISHED WITH HER..Until he plans to NEVER SEE HER AGAIN IN HIS LIFETIME...

Otherwise, he will only offer you crumbs. You, being his wife deserve a feast, a banquet. Tell yourself that you will not settle for less...

Check out Mortarman's postings to GRAMN about PLAN B...EXCELLENT STUFF IN THERE FOR YOU....

I know your right mimi. Thank you for being honest with me.You know sometimes I don't think I did a very good planA. I know I met some of his EN's but mostly I feel like I just cried and tried to get him to come home. I know I took a stand a lot of times and i know I met his need for SF with me. But in reality I don't know if I did that good. He saw a lot of crying not begging and pleading though I didn't do that. So maybe my plan A lacked what it needed. I just don't know.

He did call DD cell phone to let me know how much money to transfer. he called her cell at 10:06 she was sleeping. well mine went off at 10:40 and I saw it was him and did not answer it. The VM was him telling me how much to transfer. Not sure why he felt he needed to call my cell after he had already left the message with DD.

I have been reading Gramms sitch and really taking in Mortarmans advice tohim. In fact I have saved and printed out some of Mortars posts to you in your planb drama.

Mortar is so wise and what he says makes total sense. I am trying to follow it for myself.
I am not going out of planb even though its hard not to. I am staying strong in that respect....

It will get better of that I am sure.....

Usually Plan A doesn't bring them home. It takes a good dark Plan B. So hang in there, and stop thinking.

I'm hanging in believer ..... I know plana does not bring them home most of the time. I'm just concerned mine was not very good.... Of course falling off the planb wagon was no help. But I do know the last time I saw him was a good ending to it. No crying , begging pleading..... Actually it included SF so our last communication besides the bank thing was good....

Dark will not be a problem for sure with him gone .... I actually am very happy about that because I won't have any way to contact him if I get the urge. So it works out good for me.....

another quiet evening alone... I am not doing this alone thing very well.

Kids gone, and all my friends have their own family things they do on Fridays. MIL in bed because she is sick ... I have been trying to watch t v and play some games but its boring.

DS from Indiana just called, was nice talking to him ... Got to talk to me grandson who I miss very much. He is named after WH so that always cause me to get emotinal when I have to say his name.

I am doing pretty good about not obsessing much today. Nt gonna say I have not thought about it all but I did better...

Anyhow everyon have a great weekend..... Gezzz I hate the weekends anymore....

Get some projects going. When WH first left, I was so lost, it was crazy. But I forced myself to get busy on all kinds of home projects. I kept very, very busy. That really helped me, because I started enjoying my time alone.

I hated weekends, too.

Get busy as Believer says..

It will get better with practice...

WH called DD to have her check for some uniform pants he can't find. Told her there are none here and he knows that.

He has also been asking her about me and what I am doing and that he misses me. DD says she is not telling him anything about what I do. I told her good job, keep it up.I also told her he is may be telling her these things because he knows she will tell me. So to be careful what she says back to him. he did leave a VM yesterday for me on my phone about money. Funny thing is he called DD and left her the message first and then called my cell 40 mins.later. Then turned around 3 hours later and called her back to make sure she gave me the message. Guess he forgot he left me the same message.

He is suppose to see the kids sunday or monday before he leaves for the road. Just wish he would make a time so I can make sure I am nowhere around.

Other than that I am feeling pretty good today. No tears or feelings of despair. I still miss him but realize I have to step back and let him be, I can't control what he does or says. I thimk I may be finally getting this ....

You are doing great!! Very proud of you...but yes you have the right idea!!

Yeah I got it Lisa but its still hard not to want to fix it. I am fighting myself not to call him just to say goodbye and be safe on the road... But I promised myself not to break planb.... So I won't do it....

This is all so hard just to stand away from someone you have loved for so long. Especially when you see them spinning out of control. I read some of these sitch people are in and I see so many things they all have in common.
but I have to say my WH has never called me a bad name or psycho. He has been cold and yes saying I'm done like 50 times but once he calms down its all back to not sure what he wants.

Fear seems to be the one constant thing I hear from him. The fear of things becoming like they were before. Fear of my depression coming back , fear of me pushing him away again. I just wish he could put these fears aside, I am hoping one day he will and take a leap of faith in our marriage and try again..

I know honey...and just as they live in fear, we have to admit that we do also. It's the fear of losing them and what we have come to know as life that makes it so hard to let go.

I struggle everyday with it as I think most BS do. It's very tough...the highs and lows of it.

I notice that when I am in contact my emotions run the gamut...when I am not in contact I start to drift into memories of what was and for me what may never be again.

((((hugs)))))
I know its hard..... I am in the same place- i love this man and he cant see it.

Winter,
thank you for the huggg.... My WH knows I love him and I know he loves me he is just so afraid of the past. He has told several times if he had known how much I love him this never would have happen... He is so afraid of trying and failing. But as Lisa said I have fears myself but he does not see them... I have the fear of the one person I trusted most in the world betrayed me and the fear of it happening again is there.... I have not voiced this fear to him , not sure if I should or not. If we could both put our fears aside we could do this together......

Maybe someday it will happen....

You posted that you know he loves you yet he is afraid.

Sorry to say but even if he is afraid, then his love isn't really there. It is clouded with fog babble. Yes, still babble. Not strong enough for you to stake your life on.

I told my H that he was soo unstable, that if a life threatening even occured, I would not call him as the decision maker. I then had my policies changed to make SIL and a good family friend the beneficiaries. Hm..... it was a step I had to take at the time. While I left provisions for him, it wasn't the full control he originally had. He had to prove he had his sanity back before I would change it back. Not a threat, that was reality for me at that time.

So when he tells you he is afraid, let him know you are afraid his actions will continue t/b erratic and untrustworthy. Don't take his afraid crap. Give it back to him. He has to realize you s/b more afraid of his unstableness than he has the right t/b of yours.

L.