your probably right mimi.... I have no doubt about that...

I was reading your planb again this morning and I see so many things alike.... Its like everytime planb was broken your H just kept pushing time further.

I don't want to do that. I want him to end this soon....

I have to stay strong and do this right.....

Mimi,

I just have to ask this ..... Am i still holding on to something that may not happen?

I keep re-reading your thread and I see so many things the same. Except for one your WH kept telling you he wanted to end it. Mine has never said anything like that, he just keeps saying he is confused and not sure of what he wants....

Ok. Now I am going to get out the 2X4....

NEVER GIVE UP YOUR HOPE AND FAITH...

Regardless of the outcome of your marriage, TRUST IN THE LORD AND HE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU...

That was what kept me going and pulled me through..

When my H told me he was ending it: HE WAS LYING TO ME...

He told me he was ENDING IT when I found them at the motel for the first time...

That was just one of his LINES...

He was moreso like your WH. In fact, he was EXACTLY like your WH....

Your WH is being MORE HONEST with you...

I am not giving up hope and faith.....

I guess I am just scared and confused myself.

I feel in my heart he will will come home someday...

I guess I just have to go with that and continue praying...

I was also wondering I know how much money is in the account and on fridays is when he would let me know how much to take out... Since he is gone now without being able to contact him ,should I just take the amount I usually take without waiting or would that be a LB just to do it?
I have no idea how he was going to do the money thing since he had changed jobs.

RIGHT ANSWER!!!



ABSOLUTELY TAKE THE MONEY OUT!!

Self-survival, taking care of yourself and your children is essential...

ok ty for the answer.... I don't want to cause any more trouble than i have .....I was going to give him some time to try and let me know but I am going to do it now....

Hi Hurting,
What I would do is wait for his next call.

Ask him if he has thought about everything, and if he has come to a decision yet. See what he says.

If he says "yes" to you and the family, great!!

If he says "no" he hasn't made a decision yet, then just say
"Well thankyou for that Tuesday night, it was wonderful, and I will never forget it. It was for me. In the meantime I cannot continue to be with a H who wants 2 women. Until you have N/C completely with the OW we cannot continue in any married situation at all. Please let me know what your decision will be at the end of your trip. I love you, goodbye."

Do you think that would be something good to say to him? If not maybe we could get some other views from others here of what the best thing to say would be? Because he is going to call and you need to be prepared of what to say.

Love, Lady

I like what you have said Lady.... I am not sure myself how to address him calling....

I do need to know what he is thinking , I worry if I ignor his call I could maybe not get the answers I may need to make a informed decsison.

As I was reading Mimi's thread I saw how she told her WH over and over , No mimi until N/C with OW...

I am not sure when and if he will call, but I do need to be prepared one way or the other...

I have this strange feeling that it will be more like him showing up here without warning though. He used to do that a lot when he was on the road. If he had to come through here on his way somewhere else he would always stop home...

Either way I need to be prepared with the proper responses for sure.....

NO! NO! NO!

It's not time to talk to him yet especially after your last PLAN B break....

He will think that he has accomplished his aim of getting you to cakeeat...

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT TALK TO HIM YET!!!

I didn't talk to my WH again until way towards the end of PLAN B and it was after he seemed serious about getting rid of her..

Remember: I sold the house. I was moving onward. He broke through my cellphone block and asked, "What about us?"...At that time, I didn't think there was an "US"..

Much too soon to talk to him, Hurting...

DARK! DARK! DARK!......

Ok mimi ..... thats what I needed to know ....

How soon would be to soon? I need an idea of a time line on this .....

Because if he truly makes a decsision I don't want to push him away by not listening.....

How am I going to know when he is serious????

If it is too soon to talk with him, then ask for him to put it in writing then e-mail it to you. That way you can read it when you are ready and it will show how much effort he is willing to put into the recovery. It w/b more of a test of his real motives.

JMHO,
L.

He has no computer Orchid .. he knows nothing about how to email or anything
the only other way I can think of is for him to talk to his siter and let her know ..... Or maybe even DD .. I really don't want to put either of them in the middle but what choice do I have ...

I'm with Mimi (believer banging her head on the desk), you are supposed to be doing a Plan B.

The financial stuff needs to be spelled out - you take xxx out every Friday, or whatever.

"How am I going to know when he is serious????"

When he writes no contact letter to OW.

I know that believer ... but how will I know that if I don't allow him to speak to me ....

I am doing planb beleiver I am not in contact... I am trying to figure out how to handle it if/when he does try ...

I will have to be able to verify N/C letter somehow ...

Hurting - You will just know. I promise that. Somewhere there is a post about how a repentant WS acts. I will look for it.

When my WH wanted to come back, it was all about him, about not hurting OW, about HIS requirements. After talking to him 2 minutes, I knew in my heart that he was not willing to make a real recovery effort.

Ok believer thank you .... I am just trying to figure all of this out...

I don't expect anything to happen for some time but I want to be prepared just in case ....

Hurting, I agree, I do think the next time he calls or comes by home that you will need to know where his mind is so you can have a plan. Basically an ultimatum again if needed. If he has made a choice to come home, great. If he says he hasn't made a decision yet, you need to know what to say to him to get back into a plan B setting again. It will have to be clearly stated to him. That is why the next talk will be so important.



Love, Lady

I forgot to mention "with the condition of N/C letter to OW"
of course.

Love, Lady

There is a simple answer to this "How will I know?" question.

He needs to make it EXTREMELY CLEAR TO YOU...

There needs to be the sound of begging and repentance in his voice....

As Believer says, YOU WILL KNOW....

You will make it CLEAR to him what YOU WANT and WHAT you need...

He will need to GET DESPERATE in TRYING to REACH you because you will be EXTREMELY DARK....You will not be EASILY ACCESSIBLE...

You are sounding too EAGER, HURTING....

Time to get back into the PLAN B FOCUS of YOU getting stronger and to stop focusing on HIM.....