Lady,

He has no cell so there is no way to contact him when he is on the road..... Best we can do is call his company and they give him a message when he does his daily check in.... I couldn't wait for that it had to be done....

If he was doing what he should be doing he would have a cell phone.... But I took it from him seeing how they are in my name. I was not going to pay for him using the cells to call the OW......

Oh I know I have to allow her to make mistakes, I don't run in and rescue that often. But I can't let her go to jail either.... And I guess I could have remined WH all the times his parents an mine rescued us when we first got married.... Without them sometimes we would have had nothing to eat... He seems to have forgotten the times our parents helped us

The problem is she seems to know that you will risk her dad being mad, and rescue her. Otherwise she would have had the money.

I'm not picking on you or your daughter, just looking at everything. I helped raise 8 kids, and believe me, WH and I went through lots of this kind of stuff, over and over.

No, that is not fair and he needs to realize that! The teen years are the hardest by far, he should not have bowed out during the hardest years!! He needs to stop running like a teenager, and be responsible himself!!

Love, Lady

I know your not picking on me believer. I am just so frustrated that he can walk away and I get all the crap...And he has the nerve to be mad at me.... Oh she thinks he dad will do anything for her... I am willing to bet you if she had asjed him for the moeny he would have given it to her, just to look like a good guy... But since I did it, it was wrong ...

Your right lady he needs to be responsible and act like a husband and father ..... I am beginning to wonder if that will ever happen..

Hurting,
What was the ticket for? She isn't a repeat offender is she <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> That would make a difference.

I let my D go to jail for 30 days when she was 16, she hasn't been back there since. She was a doooooozie from age 13-18!! I never gave up through all the "tough love."
She is now grown to be a lovely, respectful young lady that I am so proud of. I could write a book, but no time, I have to get to bed.

I'm sure it hurt to have the call end that way. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
And I hope you get back up again and feel better real soon.

The ricket for was driving without a license.... She took my car one night after I went to sleep... She does not have her license yet and she got stopped.... Her first one so it was not that bad on her...

Yeah the called was bad, I felt awful about it after we had such a nce night the other night.... After he got done ranting at me he says I'll see you later.... Nope afraid you won't....

This just makes me feel like I have taken 3 steps back now... And I guess it bothers me because now I know he is with OW for the weekend..... I guess his company brought him in because of no loads for the weekend.....

So now this is going to suck big time..... This A will always have the saprk of romance.... Him gone all week and the weekends to make it all exciting since their time will be limited.... I feel like I should just give up and move on... I can't see how this is ever going to end like this ....

hurting,
You know what you need to do. Whats done is done. You need to take control of the situation and your life. I am learning so much from your thread. Some are lessons I learned but forgot or lessons I learned but didn't apply them to different areas.

I worked my way through college working at a drug rehab center. Then later after I became an RN I went back and worked on the adolescent unit there. I loved those kids and they taught me a lot. We had all different kinds of kids, all ethnic backgrounds, all different economic backgrounds. The thing they taught me was the importance of the word "NO". Its a powerful word. It shows love, self respect, self control, it enforces boundaries. In the abscence of boundaries the kids would keep pushing to find them. When I started out I wanted to be the "cool" nurse that the kids could relate too. Yeah, they thought I was cool and walked all over me. Then I learned to say "no" that is not acceptable. I called them on bad behavior and made them accountable. Then I wasn't cool...but I was the one they wanted to talk to...I earned their respect.

I remembered those lessons raising my kids. I just never applied them to my WH. Thank you for bringing this memory back to me. I need to say "NO" more often....I think you do too.

Hurting -

Your husband has to blame you. Otherwise his behavior would not be excusable in his eyes.

We went through stuff you wouldn't believe with our kids. Also had a lot of disagreements in how to do things, make them responsible, etc. But they all turned out just fine.

I'm just eyeballing your sit and trying to figure out ways to help.

I'm sure your WH will be back. He won't want a skank.

I just got off the phone with my brother. We talked about my IC session. He really made some semse to me.

He asked me about WH and whats been going on. So I told him all that has happen, yes even the tuesday night thing.

He told me he understood why I did it but he did say sis things still have not changed much, WH still wants both of you and he is trying to figure a way to do it. He told me you have to just let go and leave him alone and move on.

He does not mean divorce or anything like that, he says just do what you need to do for yourself because WH is not doing anything for you he walked out rmember. He says WH is just thinking of his own self and no one else. He says if you let go and just move on he more than likely will follow once he sees you can do it without him. But if he does not follow you will be stronger and ok with it....

He says WH still has no idea whats going on. He says his mind is so confused and clouded he is just stumbling through life. He thinks he knows what he is doing but actually he has no clue.

My brother what a smart man he is.... He is saying the same thing all of you are, guess its time for me to listen and take the lead on my own life...... Its just so hard to let go .......

Hurting -

You may feel like you aren't doing all that well, but you really are. At your point after D-day, I was still walking around like a zombie. I hadn't found this place, and was LB'ing like crazy, throwing stuff out in the street, and going berzerko.

Give yourself credit for how well you have been doing.

I just don't feel like i have been doing well believer... I have been trying so hard and make changes and become independant but I feel like I am getting nowhere...

I have tried to become the wife and person that WH says I lost somewhere and I see myself getting there but he doesn't seem to care.

I just want to give up and let him go.... I just don't feel like he ever will care again....

Maybe its just the mood I am in tonite I don't know, but I feel like letting go of him is the best thing to do.....

I think he feels like I am hanging on which in a way I am I guess. I let go of the rope and allow him the freedom he wants just maybe he will see what he will lose.... I just hope he realizes it before its to late....

You are doing well. He is very attached. I expect good things for you. It's not an easy road, as you are seeing.

Leave him to the other woman. She ain't gonna do good either. Plus she's a sleeze.

Oh I am leaving him to her for now.... I am done trying to compete with her....

I am just going to let this run its course and leave him alone...

I can't do all of this anymore, I need a break from it all. I am so tired and emotionally drained.....

and your right its not an easy road at all.....

For someone so attached he only seems to want one thing from me right now it seems..... Everything else comes fro her..... If its only SF he wants from me then he won't be getting that anymore ....

Well it's not much that he wants from you, but more than most WS's. Usually they lose their desire and attraction to the BS. My WH suddenly stopped having SF with me. When I asked him about it, he said he was stressed, and things would get better. Little did I know he was boinking the OW.

In the last 3 years, he has come over wanting sex twice.

well thats one thing that was always good for us and still is..... I feel like sometimes he w ants more but won't voice it..... Well we have had SF almost 1 a week since he left up until planb and then its been the times I broke planb its happens... So its actually been quite a few times for us...

I see in his face the look I have always seen when he looks at me and its not just attraction, if you know what I mean.....

It seems the only connection we have left anymore is the kids and 24 yrs of history. And since he seems to be rewritting history so much I guess its only 22 yrs of good history.... I have a hard time believeing all the feelings he had are gone but I guess it could be possible....

And he has since all of this started wanted contact up until the last time he moved out, but was not long after that I gave him the planb letter.... So most contact has been initiated by me because of him banging on the door or else something w ith a kid...

So to be honest I am not sure how much attachement is there anymore....

((( HIO ))) Seems like you are starting to detach a little. I think that might be a good idea. You can't keep letting him drive you crazy and hurt you like this. You are getting stronger and stepping back some. You must protect your heart and your sanity.

Just detach a little from him. Don't answer the phone. Stay dark and try to stay busy. You can call me if you need to talk to someone. I am almost always home.

You are getting stronger. We all can see this. Keep it up.

Best regards - Car

Carnation,

I think your right, I am starting to detach some. I have to, I can't do this anymore.

I still want to save this but I am beginning to wonder why?
I do love him but the pain he is causeing me is just to much.

But until WH is done with this affair , I am done with him. I do feel that at some point in time it will end but who knows when. I don't want to know anything about what he does or says anymore. I only want to know when its over.

I will admit I am so lonely and I miss having companionship. So I know I have to be careful myself and not do something stupid. It just makes me so mad he has these things and I sit here alone.

Good morning Hurting,
Yes, I think your H gave you his answer last night for now, thats what you needed to know anyway, where his mind and heart were. It just becomes one let down after the other. You don't need that. I think we all want to see your marriage healed as much as you do, but we have to look at the reality of your H decisions. Don't let your happiness or unhappiness be ruled by what he does any longer. Emotionally detach totally.

Plan B totally!!

It does get lonely, I know I was a single mom for years. I hope you can find things to do to fill your time and mind besides H. Is there a go between that he can call on Fridays when he wants to know how much you took out of the bank, such as a sister, brother or someone. It's seems to me it would be hard to not have contact with him at all due to finances and children. How are you going to handle that?

Love, Lady

yes lady his siter is suppose to be the go between for us. I am going to call her and have her call him and let him know he has to go through her.... Or that is remind him I believe he has forgotten..

Lady I just have a feeling this is how it is going to stay, I don't think he will ever come home now.... I just have to get used to it..... 24 yrs gone in a blink of an eye... I just don't get it ....

Yes thats a good idea to call his sister.



























































































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