Don't want the OW to develop her OWN PLAN to try to keep him....

Want her to be kept completely off guard about WH's intentions so that she will continue to DEMAND and LOVEBUST..

Also, it's good for the OW to think she has it made..that she has captured him..She will let her hair down and become her true self rather than the fantasized version of who she is..

EXPOSURE is not meant for the OW but to others such as family members...

Telling her continues the TRIANGLE..

In PLAN B, Hurting is supposed to be out of the triangle..

Her being with him was a slip-up, not to be repeated...

Agree with Mimi, the time for exposure is in Plan A and is to be done to spouses and family members. If she calls the OW and tells her this, the WS will only lie about it and this will cause them to rally forces against the mean ole wife who is playing mean tricks. So instead of having good last feelings on his mind about hurting, he will be pissed that she tried to bust him.

Ok guys hold up .....I appreciate all of you !!!

I am not doing anything .....I am not exposing anything to OW. I am not giving up ......

I am not talking to WH ......

I am not seeing WH .......

I am just sitting here now after taking a nap to calm down......

Mimi I do want to be a sucess story and Iam glad that you see it could happen... I guess I just got so over whelmed this morning I lost it for a while...

I actually had a dream that he came to me and wanted to come home and I told him I would think about it..... I was so strong and it blew him away .... Maybe that was glimpse of the future who knows but it made me wake up feeling better.....

whew! ****** hath no fury like a Mimi crossed! Glad ya came back to your senses before she signed on! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thank you Mel for being here for me this morning.... I was just so upset and feeling so bad....

I know Mimi has been a rock for me and I do appreciate her so much.....

Glad ya feel better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

yeah me to ....I'm still sad though but I'll be ok....

Hi Hurting,

I had to lay down a take a nap too. I used that time to just let God strengthen or talk to me. As I was laying there I kept seeing "food", but I have no idea why??

I was thinking earlier to tell the OW also, but you're right it probably wouldn't be a good idea. I just hope good changes happen for you and your children.

We live in a small, quite boring town not much to do on a Saturday afternoon. Do you live in a small town?

I'm a SAHM also. I as you did, gave up most of my hobbies, during the raising of my children. I like to crochet and play guitar, but I haven't done any in a long time. I need to get this stuff out and do something here....I have an afghan I started yrs ago and haven't finished. I bought a bunch of scrapbooking supplies 2 yrs ago, and still haven't started my scrapbooks. I am 40 yrs old by the way. I like to be on the computer, but probably waaaay to much!!

I would like to find a job also, just so I can feel better about contributing to the household, and just in case I may later have to raise my children again myself. I want to feel like I am not so dependant on my H for finances, it makes feel stuck if he messes up and I may have to leave.
I have felt this way since D-Day. Do you know what I mean? I haven't worked in 7 yrs now. I might go to a temporary service, and see if I can get in there. There might be work programs here too, that I may look into.

Love, Lady

I live in a pretty good size town. Its a military town so not much here to do .. Lots of fast food joints and bars...

I know telling the OW would not be a good idea. She woould just use it as a way to sink her claws in deeper. WH would just get mad and use it to turn on me and justify more. Its a secret we have that I hope is leaving him good memories. And besides he is my H and what we do is none of her business.

I have lots of craft projects I ave started but never finished ... Guess this would be a good time to do them.

The job thing I need one so I can feel good about me. Plus I need to have some independance from counting on him. He has me right now in between a rock and a hard spot and he knows it. So when I get a job I will be able to be more assertive and not have to worry he cuts money. So far I have been careful so he does not do that. I can't do anything legally because I can't afford an attorney....

One way or the other this will all work out I am sure... I will be happy again...

I think one thing we forget to think about when being wives and mothers, and that is us. We give up everything that is fun or hobbies to us to care for family and H, and forget about who we are. Everything becomes what is thier fun and happiness, sadness. What is all about thier lives, thats what becomes important to us. I think that is what happened to me anyway. Now I have to get back to the things I used to do. Keeping a balance of course. I can't depend on my H for my happiness, so I have to gain happiness myself in other ways, mostly faith. I know you will find that happiness too Hurting in time...hopefully sooner than later.

Love, Lady

You hit the nail right on the head Lady.... I agree with everything you just said...

It was such a shock for me I was just blown away. My H was always so loving and devoted and I never in a millon years expected this...

I do hope and pray it will all work out and he will come back. But in the meantime I have to make myslef happy and whole again.... I do miss him so much and it just kills me to think he is with another woman....

I have been with man over half my life and I just can't imagine how he coould walk away like this.

I know Hurting, 24 yrs is a long time! It's shocking to be so devoted for such a long time, and then this for you... It's gonna take a lot of extra extra healing and help to make you feel whole, but I know it will happen. And you will become a much stronger, happier woman.

Love, Lady

I am sure that will happen in time. I just can't imagine my life without him or with anyone else for that matter.

I get so angry sometimes I just want to go to her house and pull him out by the head of his hair.... I know I would never do this but it would feel good......

I would love to just scare the crap out of her as w ell but she is not worth my time for sure.... I do believe someday he will realize she is not what he wants..... Right now she is giving him the attention he craves and does what he wants so of course he is happy.... But she can't keep it up forever.....

I have felt the same way also. To go hunt down "ms prostitute" on the streets, but I know it wouldn't do any good. My H is disgusted with what he did, and so am I. He has felt the pain and I didn't have to lay a hand on him or her, but I wanted too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
I think that is what will happen when you plan B, your H is gonna feel the pain, and he needs to, and you will be removed from it and all the crap that goes along with it. He will tire of OW.
The only thing that concerns me, is that your H is used to being away for somewhat long periods of time anyway. It may take a long time...What do you think??

Love, Lady

I am sure he will feel the pain. I am hoping so anyway... Well he has been off the road for about 4 yrs and home everyday.... But when he was on the road before we talked everyday on the phone.... Plus he was home weekends...

I don't think him being gone will make much difference... He has not had to miss me much since all of this happened because we had contact almost daily until planb started...

So its only been a few weeks of not much contact. So I have no idea how long its gonna take....

Oh so you did have a lot of time at home together, I thought he was on the road a majority of the time, but I guess not. Yeah, he has to know you are serious this time. Pretend you have no interest at all in him. Pretend you could careless what he does, says, or anything. No attention whatsoever.

Love, Lady

Yup thats how it has to be for now.... The funny thing is all the kids are now doing the same thing..

DD18 had decided no to call him at all but if he calls her she will talk.

DS and DIL same thing... they are not calling him, he has to make first move

DS 15 - won;t see his dad at all or talk to him .....

MIL ad SIL's won't call him either, he has to make first move. So all in all the whole family is planb'ing him in a way .... Of course I am the darkest of all .....

So maybe with everyone leaving him alone he will get it and really hurt....

I think it's perfect that everyone else is plan B'ing him too. He has abandoned everyone, and now he's abandoned!! How will it feel Mr. Hurting?? OW will never be able to fill the love of the whole family either!!

Love, Lady

Well we are all hoping that will be the case..... I know she can't give him everything his whole family has....

He has always been very close to his mom so this is gonna be hard for him. Of course he has pulled away from her because she told him how she felt .... but I think everyone pulling away and ignoring him will be the best thing ...

Sleep is becoming an enemy of mine. I go to bed tired but can't fall asleep. Then when I finally fall to sleep all I do is dream...

Dreams of how life was to how life can be. I just would love a night without dreams.