I do agree w/ Dorry & Lifted on involving your H in your decision. Who knows what your FOM is thinking or planning right now?? (Remember The Hand that Rocked the Cradle or Fatal Attraction?? THOSE THINGS DO HAPPEN!)

I was going to suggest it in my note and changed my mind. Now reading their posts, I believe they're right-on and wished that I had mentioned it too.

Be strong.

What gets me about this..is you are humilating your husband by socializing with the OM and your husband doesn't even know it!!! This is going to make worse when he does find out and he will either by you or by an outside source. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I did the same thing to my H, even invited OM's whole family to stay for a weekend in my house.

We all know it's awful what a WS does to their spouses but instead of throwing stones, lets encourage Jaded to do the right thing and tell her H NOW before he finds out from someone else, and start NC with her H's help. I can't even begin to STRESS the importance of this.

I don't want to scare her away...

Jaded - your H will be devestated, he will be humiliated, he will be hurt, but it NEEDS to come from you, and you need to begin the journey of figuring out WHY you ended up where you did. But you CAN'T start that journey until you tell your H - you OWE it to him.

I realized my last post sounded harsh with the do not cast stones remark...because obviously you are right - her husband is being humilated.

I just don't want to see Jaded scared away of doing the right thing by shaming her. She needs to TELL her husband no matter what and start doing the right thing.

Jaded - Hi. I skipped down when I saw you say " I need to get advice from people who actually know me".

You will not find people that know more about affairs than the people on this forum.

Betrayed spouses feel bitterness. If your husband was having sex with the chick next door, and did not tell you, but let you believe all was well - how would you feel when you found out? Would you feel bitter? I think you might. So accept some bitterness from these folks.

Regardless of the bitterness - many of these people have helped possibly HUNDREDS of marriages survive. Mel knows her sh$t. She has been around here a while. Is she bitter? Maybe not - but her husband cheated on her. She has got the right to be bitter. I have got the right to be bitter.

There is more wisdom about marriage just in the few folks that have posted to you here than you can find in 90% of marriage counselors. People who know you want what is best for you - but unless they are a vet here, they will not have a drop of the wisdom you will find here. The wisdom here is based on work that was created before you were born.

Please understand that some of these folks are gonna sound bitter. They will continue to sound bitter until you come clean with your husband. It would be a big mistake to seek advice anywhere else, unless you call Steve Harley directly.

You will have more emotions than you will know what to do with. When your husband finds out - he will create many more emotions in you, and within himself, that you will not know what to do with. Bring 'em here.

When you come clean with your husband, and start doing the right thing - you will not experience as much bitterness. You will find - as you have seen in Dorry and Whisper - open arms ready to hold you and guide you. PLEASE LISTEN TO THEM.

Some of us have stilettos in our backs, and it causes a bitter tone in our voice. Sorry. But listen to these folks, if you feel like trying to do right thing.

far

Jaded, I was thinking about you during the past week and I was wondering if you’ve permanently disappeared from these forums… However, I’m glad too see you’re still posting! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Please put the advice you’ve received into practice and TELL YOUR H! Yes, it will be difficult (possibly the hardest thing you will ever do) and your H will be devastated and extremely hurt, BUT honesty & openness from you will go a long way towards the recovery of your M and to win back the trust of your H… Please think about it... The truth ALWAYS have a way to come out in one way or the other…so, please don’t let your H discover and/or hear the truth from anyone else than YOU!