You're on quite the emotional pendulum. One post it's "I can't stop crying, what do I do", and as near as I can tell, a few hours later it's "Screw it all, I don't care".

This in itself is indicative of the need to stop, step back, catch your emotional breath, mellow out, chill, and reflect. How? By just stopping. Find a nice quiet place. Put on some moderately peaceable music that you can enjoy or find something on the radio station. Keep a low light on, and if you're *really* looking to see your way through this with God, try getting out the old Bible, and reading through a few sections in the NT.

But even if you're committed to doing it under your own power, just take a mental break. If you need to, see if you can get in and see a doc and get something to help you get some reasonable rest. Not that everything will be better in the morning, but when you get some rest, you head can clear..

Given a million people, there will be a million different opinions on how you should proceed. If there was 1 sure-fire, absolutely guaranteed way that would fix all your problems, well, it would be given to you, and you could follow it, and life would be good. But that isn't the way it is.

Within the whole recovery plan, there's some overall goals, but a fair amount of wiggle room in *some* of the details. So I don't see much completely contradictory advice, but it somewhat appears that you have an extraordinarly misplaced perception of how fast things will work, what timeframe you're working on, and an inability to see things on a much larger scale.

Your recovery is not measured in days. It's perhaps months/years. AT your age, that seems like an appreciable percentage of your life. But it's not. So you need to be cautious in reading doom and gloom and then these bursts of hope in every word that comes out of your possibly WW's mouth.

There are some facts. WS's will say all kinds of mumbo-jumbo. You will feel much pain and anger and frustration. Your W will be in limbo as to what she wants to do. And so on and so forth.

The trick for you is to choose your path, pick your plan, and implement it. *Confident* that it will work and return the results you expect. If you're going to do it with God at your side, so much the better. If you're going
to do it under your own power, so be it.

I would be very cautious about advice from "friends" and family that have no
background in restoring relationships. I would guess that most of the old timers here and those posting to you have more experience helping people recover their relationship than most likely all your friends and family lumped together. Dr. H provides lots of good tools and the explanations of why those tools work on this site, people here are going to encourage you to follow it.

You may want to talk to a Dr. about some AD's to help you through the next couple weeks, but I wouldn't be throwing in the towel quite yet.

My W tossed me out of the house, and eventually it came down to the fact that if we were getting a divorce, *she* was going to have to do the dirty work. In the meantime, I was going to get myself back in the relationship game and she wasn't going to have an excuse to divorce me by the time I was done with myself.

You can throw yourself 100% into your recovery, following sound MB principles, following wise advice, or you can shotgun it, hoping something works, or you can toss in the towel. One of those choices should leave you with some self-respect...