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Stick to the battle Hope and continue to seek out primary support of the children. Remember, this is about weakening your wife's desire for the OM as she see's the affect of what she is doing.
According to Ontario's law, this is what it says about child support, it assumes the other parent has primary custody.
The federal government has developed a table that parents and judges now use to calculate child support payments. This child support table is based on the income of the parent who pays support and the number of children entitled to support. The same table applies under both the Divorce Act and the Family Law Act.
There is some flexibility allowed in the Child Support Guidelines for the amount of support to be more or less than the amount set out in the table in certain circumstances.
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HTW,
I know that I haven’t been the most vocal supporter you have here on the forum and I wanted to take some time to type to you.
Your WW is in a very bad place right now. All the things she is angry about have been her own doing and that has probably gotten her even more angry as she mulls this over and over in her mind.
I can tell you that even if you weren’t forced to go to plan B or even D that you would be going through day to day life with her over the same issues that she is having right now about entitlement and dealing with the feelings over OM.
Honestly, it’s far more humane to YOU if she does this from another location. I know that it is not the prefered method in the MB doctrine but at least as you plan B her she can implode on her own somewhere else and you won’t have to endure the suffrage of that part of this crap sandwich.
Lean back in your recliner and think about the world that she now lives in. It’s ugly stuff. In the future you will be the most eligible husband on the planet to her is my gut feeling. With her in another locations at least you won't have to endure her emotional abuses anymore.
Keep the LB’s down to a minimum. Be the best father you can be. Celebrate your new found awareness of life everyday and enjoy it!
Personally I think that weather you are in recovery or not, as a BS, you know you are ready for the long haul of recovery when you are more ready than ever to live alone.
IMHO wayward people are great manipulators to begin with. From the things you say she has done and said I would be shocked if she wasn’t passive aggressive all along and you just didn’t realize it. Do a google on that and look up symptoms/actions of those kinds of folks and let me know what you think.
Whatever you do friend, make sure that if she’s determined to force D you end up with a settlement that you can live with for the rest of your life. Leave no stone unturned. Do not allow her to have flexibility with terms. She will get angry at you in the future and simply leverage you any way possible that she can. I made this mistake when I got D’d in the late 90’s and have paid a horrible price for it ever since.
Do not make it easy on her either. If she truly wants to be on her own make her own that decision along with all the logistics of making it happen. Do not lift one finger to make it happen.
I say this because if you help her you are screwed. Your kids will always remember having seen you help “kick momma out of the house”. The manipulative less than honorable WW will use this against your character later in life too. Thankfully I did not help my XW one bit with her move and to this day my kids (now that they are much older) know and understand the truth of the situation back then. It hurts them still but at least they didn’t feel like their family was abandoned by TWO parents, just one.
I am rooting for you all the way down here and I know that you will be strong through all of this. If you have moments come vent at us here. We love it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
You are going to be ok Hope. I promise you that. Just keep yourself focused. The energy that was released on your M and your life when your WW started all of this will soon come to rest on her shoulders. It’s like a nuclear bomb going off underground. You can’t see it, but the energy has to go somewhere. I liken that to an A. You can’t see much of it, but the energy that is unleashed will definitely come to bare on all of the triangulated members.
If I can help you please let me know.
Plank.
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Plank,
Hope's and my situations are almost identical. My WW has left for 3 weeks now, and the LS was GREAT for me!! WW really wanted freedom with dirtbag OM. (Many prior arrests, cheated on his wife, no job, disabled back (yeah, right!!), lives in a crappy old apartment, gambles, etc....) She found a place near me (5 miles), but travels 25 miles to see OM, during the days she doesn't have kids (we split the time equal, NO CS EITHER WAY!!!)
Could you elaborate on this nuclear bomb theory you described above?? As far as I can see, WW hasn't even come close to "opening her eyes" to see the damage. Is it possible she'll just roll into a totally new relationship, and accept the OM for what he is?? Is the guilt to much for WW to think about her failures??? Old W seemed never to own up to many of her flaws, so I'm wondering if I just never saw who my W really was, even though our M was somewhere between good and very good!!
Thanks, Plank. Keep going Hope!! MWIL
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It looks like we have agree to Feb 1 as the seperation date and she has asked me how much time I will give her to find a new place and move out. Any suggestions on how to reply...I don't want to force her out but I don't want to have her around for long either. How can I approach this? Hope, I am confused, if the seperation date is Feb 1, then isn't that the date you seperate? Were I you, I would urge her to move out at that time so you can begin the healing process.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hopethisworks. I am in BC so I know something about the way the system works. The courts are NOT mother biased at all.
BUt, you MUST prove that you are capable of being there for the children. AND you must ASK the children what THEY want.
Unfortunatley they are young. But are they in daycare? Do you pick them up? Document what you do for them.
Now I am not sure, is your WS capable of supporting herself? Are you better able to provide the TLC and TIME required for your children?
Document, document document. And imho, your taking out the truth of her behaviour was not in your best interests or that of your children. Becasue can you honestly say that she is acting like a loving, rational person let alone a mother? WHo will pay for this ultimately? The children. TIme to take the gloves off imho. THings will get far worse and you backing down and being the nice guy will not serve your children well. They will remember you didn't do all you could for them.
BS-58/XH48 D final Dec31/07 Long hard road & at peace now Unrepentant serial cheater living with DP4 for 4yrs
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Could you elaborate on this nuclear bomb theory you described above?? As far as I can see, WW hasn't even come close to "opening her eyes" to see the damage. You need to understand that you won't see it at first. My xw tells me that it was months before she had opened her eyes to anything. In her own words it was when she let go of the anger...and I would not have known that because I was living pretty darn good....in my Plan B... Hope....as always...I wish you the best....
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MIL is so upset with WW that she will be removing her from her will and leaving her estate to my kids in trust. She also does not want her to attend her funeral. Hope, The funeral comment worries me and makes me sad. I understand her feelings but she is still her mother. Saying that she doesn't want her at her own funeral is savage and can have ripple effects forever through the family. I know this because it was my dying sister's wish that another sister not be present at her funeral. She wasn't. I was so stressed from the emotions and the drama leading up to the funeral that I started vomiting after the wake and missed the whole funeral myself. And this was between sisters, not about a mother's unconditional love for their child. She is her mother and always will be. You can love the person without condoning their behavior. She is not necessarily a "bad" person, but someone who is making some really horribly "bad" choices. I would rather see some tough love and boundaries and distance rather than cutting her out of her life forever. Please think about this. I know it is not your choice but perhaps you could talk to your MIL. The more bridges that are burned on her way out the door are that many less bridges leading her back home. Other than that, you sound good and make us proud Hope. I think life will start to get easier for you very soon. Take care of yourself and your children. We'll be thinking of you. S.
Me/BS 48 Married 16 yrs/together 23; 1 child Dday 4/05; WH "needed space" and left 5/05 WH Filed D papers 6/05 - Divorce final 12/05 WH moved in with OW 11/05; moved out OW 1/06 12/06 His 3rd and strongest attempt at reconcilliation (I believe OW still in picture) 2/07 Affair over, begging me to take him back - it's too late. WH has tried numerous times to reconcile.
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Mel & Askme, I will agree to a seperation that does not give primary to either my WW or myself. If she takes me to court, then I will fight for primary. I do not want to go to court over this. Plus I may risk loosing the support of my IL's if I push for primary.
Plank, you are so right that my WW is in a bad place right now. I can see it in her face...she is so dertmined but yet so lost. Plan A has allowed me to get to the position I am now where I feel I will be fine...even if alone. The BS puts up with things no normal person would accept during Plan A and there comes a time where they need to remove themselves from the emotional torture.
I don't know how she will react to my Plan B, but I do know that it will finally give me some tranquility and direction. Things I haven't had in a long time. I think I can live with neither of us being the primary parent, no CS either way and me remaining in the home. My kids will never have to do without, but I refuse to support her lifestyle...she can pay for that herself now.
As for making it easy for her, the only thing I will be doing is signing the LSA. My lawyer said to make her do all the work also since she will have to pay her lawyer more to draft up the agreement. All I am doing right now is saying YES or NO to what she offers me. She will have to find her own place and finance it herself.
I don't think she can ever make it seem like I kicked her out since everyone close to us knows the truth and how I tried for many months to save our M. They can even read my log book if they want to.
Plank do you really think she will eventually feel the brunt of what she has done. Right now she truly feels that she is justified in what she did and believes everyone is against her because of my exposure. She hates me for that and that is compounded by her revisionist history of me. Honestly, I can't see it happening since it would require her to admit fault and come to terms with her actions.
BTW Plank, you certainly have come a long way during the time I have been here on these boards. You really seem to have gained a tremendous insight on infidelity and relationships. Keep up the great work!
Mel, the way the law works up here is we can pick a date for seperation and all the assets will be divided according to their value on that date. She wants to buy a new place and that usually requires 60 to 90 days for closing. I don't think I want her around for that long but how do I get her to leave without LB'ing.
Mywife, thanks and good luck in your Plan B. By reading your thread it sounds like you are doing well. Just remember to stay dark and don't fall for her probing.
fightingalone, the childern want the BOTH of us. The love their mother as much as they love me. I have been documenting everything and my WW does alot of the dropping off at daycare type of stuff. Her A was (and may still be) taking place while at work. Remember I recorded her PA with OM during a lunch time rendesvous in a parking garage. She doesn't go out at night or on weekends. I am not backing down, I have told her all along that I will not accept her being the primary and that is still my position.
Sendme, thanks and when is your story going to be ready!
Shattered, you are in a position that I hope to be in someday soon. I wish you all the best. I thought about what you said and spoke to my MIL this afternoon. She wants to revise the letter but still wants to make the comment about her funeral. She wants her daughter to talk to her about all this and she wants her to realize that her "new" friends are morally absent and that true friends do not enable A. She also wants her to realize she will NEVER accept any OM in her family. So she wants to help my WW but only if she accepts these things. I know my MIL strong stance against my WW work friends and her current behaviour have created a crisis for WW...I can see it in her face. She wants her family back but that will never happen with her work friend and OM. She is torn and I personally think the pressure is needed.
Her work friend is a lowlife, sorry excuse for a mother who is using my WW. My WW can't see it now but this friend doesn't drive and I know my WW drives her to work and back on some days during the week. She also drives her to pick up her kids from preschool and she takes her out to lunch and dinner, drives her to the mall, etc. My WW has bonded with her because she is close friends with OM and may have had A with him also. So she is defenitely enabling my WW A and needs to be called out. Her friendship with her is poison.
On another note something interesting happened to me today. Every morning on my way to work I pull out the miniature rosary that I found the night of exposure#2. Well this morning it wasn't in my coat pocket where I normally keep it and I remember putting it there last night on the way home from work. So I check all my coat pockets, my pant pockets (I put on pants that I haven't worn in week) and even the car. It was no where to be found.
So I proceed to work sad that I have lost this rosary that I have kept close to me since November 11. I was invited to a lunch meeting at a nice Greek resteraunt where a group of us had sit down to celebrate one of our colleagues departure to another department. And as I an sitting down I start looking at my wedding ring that I haven't taken off in more than 3 years (with the odd exception to have it cleaned). At that moment I decide it time to take it off since it looks like my M is over and it is just a painful reminder of all that has happend over the past 7 months.
So I pull off my ring and place it in my right pant pocket. As I'm putting in my pocket, I feel something...yes it is the rosary!
I know some of you will say that I am wacked, but these pants were taken from a clothes hanger this morning and haven't been worn in a week. I had the rosary with me last night and remember putting it back in my coat pocket where I normally keep it. I even checked my pant pockets many times this morning to make sure it wasn't in there.
Then it shows up as I'm taking off my ring in an attempt to acknowledge the end of my M. I put it right back on.
Call me crazy...
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Then it shows up as I'm taking off my ring in an attempt to acknowledge the end of my M. I put it right back on. I would have done the same thing. I don't think its so crazy.
aka-confused42 BS-45 me WH-42 DS-14 & DD-12 together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs "I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04 D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06 5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06 Recovery finally began Jan 2007 We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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Mel, the way the law works up here is we can pick a date for seperation and all the assets will be divided according to their value on that date. She wants to buy a new place and that usually requires 60 to 90 days for closing. I don't think I want her around for that long but how do I get her to leave without LB'ing. You do it without: angry outbursts disrespectful judgements annoying habits selfish demands I would be nice and allow her to stay for a week, but she shouldn't be allowed to linger there at her convenience while you die a little more each day. Remember, the goal here is to go into Plan B. So I would give her a week and when she moves out, hand her the Plan B letter and go dark. The longer she stays, the more damaged your marriage, and the more damaged your feelings. It's way past time to self protect and go into Plan B. Plan A doesn't stand for appeasement, after all. Mel & Askme, I will agree to a seperation that does not give primary to either my WW or myself. If she takes me to court, then I will fight for primary. I do not want to go to court over this. Plus I may risk loosing the support of my IL's if I push for primary. I would still push for primary while you have the leverage. As you can see, she wavers and backs down when you do push so why not do it while you have the leverage? Don't let your fears stop you from doing the right thing.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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HTW,
There is no doubt that your WW will one day feel the full brunt of her choices. It’s inevitable. Her emotional interpretation of the evilness she has wrought upon you and your family will one day occupy her complete consciousness.
You have acted with tremendous honor and dignity. You have been the person that she will always have to look back at and see as good, deserving, and respectable. Your efforts here have not been wasted.
I have read the crux of many FWS self loath as being the concept that they were a horrible lying, cheating, stealing half excuse for a human being that was championed and fought for by a partner that had imperfections but had never cheated on them. In most cases their S had never done anything that would even approach the wrong they brought to the M through infidelity.
I know it’s really hard but look into the future and see your WW sitting alone in her new dwelling sobbing into her hands as she thinks about all that she has done to herself. I can see it.
Right now, with the assumption that her A is over (which we aren’t positive about because she could have C anytime at work), her enemy is herself. She is having to come to terms with the fact that she has consciously brought shame, disgrace, and humility upon herself and your M.
It is MHO that your part in this makes it all that much harder for her to come to terms with by you being a die hard faithful H. When she looks at you, her mistakes are amplified ten fold.
So yes, I believe that she will one day feel the full brunt of her indiscretions.
If you were a WS would you want to face a kind, loving, faithful, God fearing partner or one that was on more even moral ground? I’d probably want the latter.
Funny thing is that during my W’s A she actually had a conversation on the back porch with me about how “everyone was doing it”. She looked at some of our friends and said “oh come on, you know that he/she HAS to be doing it.” Self rationalization and guilt.
Now that she knows that the biggest crime I ever committed to her was neglect and an internet emotional infidelity that I had (never anything sexual) I honestly feel that she has a tough time dealing with the fact that I never did it.
Ironically I think it’s one of the greatest obstacles in our recovery.
About the part where you could be seen kicking her out…. It’s how you kids perceive this in the future that I’m concerned with. Who gives a rat’s rump how everyone else feels. Everyone in your life knows the hand that’s been played by her. Look at her own Mother.
I wish I had some plan B support for you but I’ve never been there man. I can only hope that everything works out right for you. You are the one that deserves all the focus now to get to a better place emotionally.
And to that ends I offer my humble support.
You will come out on the other side of this a better man Hope. I really believe that. You just have to hang tough and stick with the plan.
Stay strong, Plank
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HTW,
There is no doubt that your WW will one day feel the full brunt of her choices. It’s inevitable. Her emotional interpretation of the evilness she has wrought upon you and your family will one day occupy her complete consciousness. I hear what you are saying and I don't doubt she will one day feel sad, but I can't see it affecting her so profoundly as you have described. It would take a complete breakdown on her part for that to occur. You have acted with tremendous honor and dignity. You have been the person that she will always have to look back at and see as good, deserving, and respectable. Your efforts here have not been wasted. She feels I have humiliated her trough exposure to her family and work. On several occasions she has sarcasticaly said to me "you are trying to save our marriage?", refering to what I would say to her was the reason I exposed. So you see, she thinks it did more harm than good right now. To her, I alienated her family and embarrased her at work. I have read the crux of many FWS self loath as being the concept that they were a horrible lying, cheating, stealing half excuse for a human being that was championed and fought for by a partner that had imperfections but had never cheated on them. In most cases their S had never done anything that would even approach the wrong they brought to the M through infidelity. Well my WW is no where near that way of thinking. I know it’s really hard but look into the future and see your WW sitting alone in her new dwelling sobbing into her hands as she thinks about all that she has done to herself. I can see it. Plank, my WW does not like to admit when she is wrong. In her mind, it alwasys seems as if everyone else is to blame. For this to happen she would have to change her way of thinking. Right now, with the assumption that her A is over (which we aren’t positive about because she could have C anytime at work), her enemy is herself. She is having to come to terms with the fact that she has consciously brought shame, disgrace, and humility upon herself and your M. I have seen this from her on the very few occasions where we discuss the A and she obviously is supressing these feelings. She wants to move far away to get away from all her guilt...I'm sure of that. It is MHO that your part in this makes it all that much harder for her to come to terms with by you being a die hard faithful H. When she looks at you, her mistakes are amplified ten fold. She has told me many times that people will look at her like she had done something wrong and have pity for me. She doesn't want to be looked at that way. I'm sure that is why she wants to mover far away where no one will no what she did. So yes, I believe that she will one day feel the full brunt of her indiscretions.
If you were a WS would you want to face a kind, loving, faithful, God fearing partner or one that was on more even moral ground? I’d probably want the latter. I agree with you here. Funny thing is that during my W’s A she actually had a conversation on the back porch with me about how “everyone was doing it”. She looked at some of our friends and said “oh come on, you know that he/she HAS to be doing it.” Self rationalization and guilt. I'm sure my WW feels the same way. Heck she sees it all the time at her work. Now that she knows that the biggest crime I ever committed to her was neglect and an internet emotional infidelity that I had (never anything sexual) I honestly feel that she has a tough time dealing with the fact that I never did it. I'm guilty of neglect and internet porn use. I feel awful for this however she seems to try and trump it up to the same level of adultery. Ironically I think it’s one of the greatest obstacles in our recovery. Why? About the part where you could be seen kicking her out…. It’s how you kids perceive this in the future that I’m concerned with. Who gives a rat’s rump how everyone else feels. Everyone in your life knows the hand that’s been played by her. Look at her own Mother. Sure a mother leaving the home could be twisted to make people believe the husband forced her out. The only thing I have said to her that would support this arguement is when I told her "if you really want to leave, then maybe you should leave now, but not with the kids". She has thrown that back at me as proof that I don't care. She has ignored all of the other things I have done and said over the last 7 months that would truly indicate that I want her to stay and work on the M. I wish I had some plan B support for you but I’ve never been there man. I can only hope that everything works out right for you. You are the one that deserves all the focus now to get to a better place emotionally. Thanks and I'm sure others who have been there will help me through Plan B. And to that ends I offer my humble support.
You will come out on the other side of this a better man Hope. I really believe that. You just have to hang tough and stick with the plan.
Stay strong, Plank Thanks again and I appreciate your support and insight.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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My MIL just called and said she would like to talk to her daughter about the possibility of WW staying with her instead of moving into a new place by herself. She asked me what I thought.
I told her that I really don't think WW will go for this since she won't have the freedom she so desires. But I said if she can convince WW to to this then I would have no problem with it. The only thing is she won't be able to have her work friend or OM over.
Personally I don't feel WW is anywhere near being ready to rebuilding her relationship with her family. She needs to see how her work relationships are not with people who truly care about her. Until she realizes this she cannot be humbled.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Hope,
All those things that I pointed out as to how the (F)WW will feel are after the A is over, after her WD, and the subsequent soul searching that she will find herself doing.
I wasn't talking about right now.
Right now she has her head clean up her yazzoo and can't even maintain relationships with her own blood family members.
It will get better brother. I'm saying some more prayers for you!
Plank.
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Thinking about you a lot HTW. I think there's room for hope. There are lots of amazing turns of plot to be read on MB threads. Things can change.
I like MIL's idea, if your WW will go for it. And even if not, there could be other benefits, plus what's the downside?
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See I like the idea of your wife moving in with your MIL for the reasons you mentioned. She can't have the freedom to see the OM or her friend, but then see is separated and started to feel some of the separation anxiety. Plus it's not really fun living with your parents after years of having your own place.
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Well my IL's just came over and offered their house to my WW. They were not pushy or demanding they told her they would prefer her to come there instead of moving on her own far away. They are concerned for the kids and want them close. They live a block away from me and across the street from my kids shcool.
My WW seemed humble and said she will think about it. I feel if she refuses my IL's will be extremely offended and dissapointed. I hope she takes them up on the offer since I know my kids will be in good hands with them and she won't have the complete freedom to spend time with OM and her work friend.
My only concern is that she won't find it difficult at all since the IL's will be watching the kids when she is away and helping her out.
Now if she does this it will be more difficult to Plan B since she is so close.
wnh, thanks for the support and how is everything going. I haven't seen you post on your thread for a while. Let me know how things are going. You've come a long was since you first posted many months ago.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Thanks for asking HTW. Things seem to be going the right direction; my WW seems to have had a change of heart. I hope this happens for you too. She's still a bit remote, so we're not right yet, but I think our chances are improving. Best of luck in your situation.
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whn, I'm glad to hear your situation is slowly improving. I remember someone saying that in recovery you might as well throw out the calender becuase changes are noticed in months, not days or even weeks. I'm pulling for you and hope you eventually have a FWW who is humbled and broken. I remember when you first started posting I could sense a hardline attitude and now you seem to handle things with grace and have really embrased forgiveness. You are a different person and I can feel it through your posts. Your WW will eventually see this in you as well.
Today my WW came to church with the kids and I. It was the first time she attended church since August. Afterwards we took the kids out for lunch and returned home. We actually said a few words to each other for the first time in a while. A flood of emotion overcame me in church today and I had a tough time maintaining my composure. The priest's sermon really hit home with me.
Tomorrow she has an appointment with the bank to secure her mortgage pre-approval. So she is still pushing to leave and I'm just not sure if it will be on her own or with her parents.
Anger is starting to seep into my body. The anger I experienced after d-day #2 was a betrayal anger, but this anger is slightly different. I can't quite place why I'm angry with her but I think it has to do with how she is handling the seperation stuff and me not really sensing that she is aprehensive in her decision to leave. Does that make any sense?
I find myself thinking more and more of other women and how it would feel to have some affection, conversation and even SF from someone who cared for me. It has been so long since I have felt loved by my WW and I'm afraid it wouldn't take much for someone to quickly fill my LB$.
I wonder how my WW will react to my Plan B. Somehow I feel as though it won't faze her and she will continue on her current path. I know Plan B is all for the BS and I will be ok with or without her.
That's all for now.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978
Member
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Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1,978 |
Anger is starting to seep into my body. Yup!! Sometimes it just seems to sneak up on ya! Are you exercising/working out/running at all? Get rid of some of the pent up energy and release some endorphines along with some frustration. find myself thinking more and more of other women and how it would feel to have some affection, conversation and even SF from someone who cared for me. It has been so long since I have felt loved by my WW and I'm afraid it wouldn't take much for someone to quickly fill my LB$. I know what you mean. I had a dream about an old college boyfriend. In the dream I was divorced, I won't go into details but it was a GREAT dream. I keep adding on to the dream when I daydream. I don't fantasize about my WH. I think its kind of a self protecting thing. There is no chance of my dream guy ever rejecting me, cause I'm never going to see him. In my dream it feels great to be wanted and loved...and loved well. Just make sure you keep it to fantasy.
aka-confused42 BS-45 me WH-42 DS-14 & DD-12 together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs "I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04 D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06 5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06 Recovery finally began Jan 2007 We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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