Yesterday I received a letter from my lawyer informing me that my WW's lawyer had contacted him requesting my finacial summary. So looks like the process is finally underway and I will instruct my lawyer on what I want from the LSA.

I'm having difficulty even looking at my WW now.

Just thought I would post to vent a little...

I'm having a bit of a down day today and it's because I'm getting caught up in all the legal crap of compleing a LSA.

My WW will be looking for houses tonight and tomorrow. I've told her that she needs to leave ASAP before I begin to feel hate for her. She needs money to put a deposit on a new house and when she asked me for a $10,000 loan, I told her to use her credit card instead.

I really need the peace of Plan B now and I'm extremely overdue. My LB is almost empty and if she doesn't leave soon I will start to hate her.

Last night she said she doesn't want to live near me or the people that I have turned against her. Someday she will have to take responsibility for her own actions.

Living with someone who doens't love you is more lonely that being alone.

I'm also saddened by all the recent setbacks memebers are having here on MB.

I'm really feeling the need for affection and SF and the wierd thing is I'm not looking to my WW for it. What does this mean? Am I running out of love for her?

I really believe the hard part of Plan B will not be staying dark, instead it will be protecing my low LB$ from other women since it won't take much to fill my tank.

I hear you brother. I hope you feel well soon.

Thanks UVA, I needed to vent a little and now I feel better <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As I was thinking about my situation today, I realized that the underlying resentment and anger is affecting the late stages of my Plan A. So I will make a concerted effort to end Plan A on a strong note.

My WW arrived home from looking at some houses tonight and I asked how things went. She was obviously sad and mentioned that she saw some nice houses that were affordable, but they are far from where we currently live.

When she asked me if I would be fine with her moving there I told her that I am concerned about the long drive that she will have to make to drop off and pick up the kids from school, especially in the winter. I suggested that she try to find something close to the kids school. If she does buy in our current area she would have to settle for something much more modest since the prices are quite a bit higher than where she would like to buy.

She also restated that she doesn't want to live in our current area since she feels "embarassed" that she is the one leaving.

Then we began talking about legal issues and she told me she is not seeking anything more that half. She will not be seeking primary since her lawyer informed her that it would not be necessary with the 50/50 split. I am VERY happy about that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

She also said that she doesn't like my lawyer and when I asked her why she told me that her lawyer informed her that my lawyer is one of the top divorce lawyers in the city. I really didn't know this since it was my older brother who refered me to him through one of his clients. I will have to thank him for that. I think my WW is intimidated that I retained a lawyer with such a strong reputation.

She was also trying to play the sympathy card on me by saying she had to pay $4000 as a retainer for her lawyer and that she doesn't know if she will be able to afford living close to the kids school. She almost started crying on several occasions. I remained strong and told her she will be fine and that I will always make sure the kids get what they need.

At one point she tried to suggest in a round about way that I should pay some child support to which I told her that I refuse to do so since everything will be split 50/50 and that was all she was seeking. She didn't push the issue. I let her know that if she is ever in a bind with the kids that I would always make sure they get what they need.

We talked about some other stuff and she was nice to me for the first time in a long time. I tried to remain strong, self-assured, but loving. I felt good.

So I'm feeling so much better tonight since I now know that she will not be seeking primary custody or child support for that matter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Glad things are going as well as they can go. It is a relief that she doesn't want primary custody.

You will be fine.

Hey Hope...is this now her plan? To move into a new home and not her parents? If it is you're in for a longer road than necessary and you really should again, GET HER OUT!! Buying a new home is pretty permanant isn't it? Why separate and then divorce...? I am at a loss for the logic here....

Here is my thoughts on this, and you're getting them whether you want them or not!!, I think you've been so wrapped up in Plan A...planning and so looking forward to Plan B that you might be missing the fact that she is planning her own Plan D...and you need to prepare yourself for that....and if she is not perhaps you should so that you can move forward with your life...

as far as her being embarrassed...it would appear that she does know right from wrong...seems like a PI$$ poor excuse to me...but an excuse none the less....

Sendme, it looks like she will use the proceeds from our asset division to buy a re-sale home. I would agree that it is pretty permanent, but aren't most WS thoughts and actions?

We could literally stay seperated indefenitely, which is what she may be inclined to do. I'm not really sure and haven't asked her. After a certain amount of time in Plan B, I will probably push for Plan D.

Yesterday she asked if we could go to our bank to settle the assets so she could put a down payment on her new place and "get out of my hair". Normallly I would reply by saying I don't want her out of my hair or reassuring her that I don't want her to leave. This time I just said that it was a good idea. She has tried to use the sympanthy card on me several times lately and to be honest, I'm not that sympathetic amymore.

I have some concerns regarding contact during Plan B. I'm sure my WW will want to call the kids nightly to say hi. I don't want to prevent the kids from talking to her, but I also don't want her calling for the kids every night when they are with me. Any suggetions on how to deal with this possible dilemna

Hope,

Do what Mortarman did. Get a distinct ring on your phone for the children and give the number only to WW. So that when the phone rings with that distinct sound, everyone knows it is WW trying to reach the kids. That way you won’t have to talk to WW when she is trying to reach the kids. Other times, when WW calls for you, you can just listen to the message she leaves and decide whether it is worth calling back. In Plan B, 99% of the time there will be no need to call back.

And yes, WW should be able to call the children whenever she wants. I don’t think you should try to get in between the children and their mother, even when it is your “time” with the children.

Thanks UVA I will look into that feature.

My WW has told me she has found a house in our area and will make an offer on it soon.

Up until recently, I used to dream alot about WW and OM. The dreams were strange (as usual) since they didn't necesarily involve sex between them. Some of the dreams involved me beating OM with a baseball bat <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Now my dreams are mostly comprised of me with other women...some I know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> and some I don't. I guess just a part of the recovery process.

Slow day and just wanted to share that.

Hope....
Plan B and phone calls...."Hello....ww: "hello HTW, how are you?" YOU: "call kids to phone"...do not say anything....You do not engage her in conversation....you will communicate in emergency only...in my case XW would call me about their bad behavior....normal kid stuff...rebelling ,etc...At first I listened...and would ask "what is it that you want me to do?"....she would just rant...finally I just told her to call me in emergencies only....that my idea of emergency bad behavior was one of my boys attacking with a knife! That a visit to teh hospital was an emergency health issue, not a cold....generally when she called and I heard her voice I handed over the phone...never said a word...

Hope...I wish you luck...I really do....this needs to end...and I hate to say it that when she does finally leave that you're so ripe for a PA its not funny....

Good to hear from you HTW.

I was wondering how things were going.

Hopefully you'll be getting some relief soon.

BTW: I'd take heed of what SendMe said. And thanks for supporting me on Loni's thread.

Stay Strong.

Sendme, believe it or not, I think I will thrive in Plan B and here is why.

For most of my M, especially the last few years, I became entrenched in a routine. You know, go to work in the morning, come home, rush through dinner, get the kids ready for be and off to sleep. Over and over and over it went. I never really did anything for myself. Now I have the oppourtunity to do things that I never had the time to do. I'm looking forward to trying new things and rebuilding some om my neglected relationships when I'm not with my kids. Of course I would choose to build a new M with my WW, however I WILL make the best of whatever comes.

It's funny you talk about me being ripe for a PA. I agree with you completely. I have made a determined effort to avoid the coworker who I find attractive. I know I would easily silde down that slippery slope if I found out she was interested in me. I'll be working closely with her on an important project in a few weeks so I'll try to keep it strictly business.

Tonight I mentioned to my WW that I had to start early in the morning and she became upset since I didn't tell her earlier in case she had to make arrangement for the kids. I told her that I jsut remembered. Well she rasied her voice and we argued a little about it. A few minutes later she said "I'm sorry for yelling at you, I didn't mean to raise my voice like that. It's just that I wish you would have told me earlier".

I was a little surprised to hear her appologize for yelling at me. That is unlike her. I haven't heard her appologize for raising her voice to me in a very, very long time. I've noticed she has beed just a tad kinder to me...barely perceiveable. The appology wound not have happened a few months ago. In fact she would have been digging in her heels and making a derogatory remark. It really suprised me.

I think it has to do with her knowing that her freedom is near. Maybe she doens't feel as trapped. I certainly have backed off over the past few weeks and have actually encouraged her to speed up her leaving. She still is cold and distant, but I see flashes of my old W once and a while. It reminds me why I still love her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I don't want anyone to think I'm taking these as signs of encouragement. They are just observations that I have made.

WTF, I'm looking forward to the relief and will be fine. I may even flourish in Plan B.

As for Loni, I've been following her story for a long time now and really feel for her. I thought things were looking brighter for her in the fall and then it deteriorated. I will continue to give her my support.

Update...

WW's offer on a home in the area has just been approved. The home is about 1/2 a mile away and the closing date is on August 4th.

I also signed my financial statement with my lawyer and he expects to have the LSA finalized by the end of June, if there are no disagreements.

So I finally have a Plan B date now which will be in early or mid August.

She asked if I was interested in knowing where the house is or what it looked like. The only reason I would be interested is because my kids will be living there half the time. I will never step foot in there so I don't really care much more that where it is.

My LB$ is almost empty.

It's time...

Wow <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> can you hold on until AUGUST??? Now that she has a place would she consider moving to her parents? Can you do a good plan A til then? It seems like this has been dragging...living in limbo land is NO fun!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

AUGUST?!?!? WTF!!! Bullcrap timing...I'm sorry bud but this is beyond absurd...WHY CAN'T she leave...I'd file plan D by then....

Did you ever go see the new house?

I saw a picture of it from her real estate listing. The house is a nice semi-detached that is about 15 minutes walking distance from our current house.

I'm at the point now where I want this to end soon. I find myself LB'ing more frequently so I'm just trying to avoid my WW right now. She said that I don't do anything for her, which is true since I have been transitioning to Plan B. I also reminded her that she DOESN't want me to do anything for her. I also said that I don't want anything from her...nothing! I told her not to cook for me, not to do my laundry or clean my bathrooms. I am perfectly capable of doing everything for myself.

I also pushed to to move out NOW and she became upset saying that I am making it difficult for her and the kids when it would only be a few more weeks with her living with me. She just doesn't get it! She even said she will take as long as she needs. At that point I felt my blood boil and was seconds away from committing the mother of all LB'ers so I got up and left the house.

I've shut down from her. I'm done! I don't even think I would want her back if she begged for it at this point. I just keep thinking of the betrayal and how selfish it was of her, of how she treated me like a piece of crap while OM was given all the affection and care.

People say Plan B is tough. At this point I welcome it.

Sorry for the vent, but I'm pissed off!

"Sorry for the vent, but I'm pissed off!"

And about time about that. You should be pissed. It is time to stop hiding that fact from WW.

Act pissed. Act as if her presence repulses you. Act as if she has some disease that you are afraid to catch. Make every interaction difficult and uneasy.

You need to be in Plan B right this minute . . . not in a couple of weeks.

Whats up, HTW?

CC,

Thanks for asking! Not much new to report in my situation. I have started the transition to Plan B and we are essentially living seperate lives right now. I have no desire to talk to WW or even look at her most of the time. I have plenty of anger and resentment filling my heart that I just rather stay away from her for fear of LB'ing. I don't tollerate crap from her anymore.

All the financial aspects of our seperation have been ironed out and I expect the LSA to be completed by the end of June. Then she gets her share, leaves and I go into a very dark Plan B.

Our house has been abondoned for the past couple of years and I have some large scale renovations planned to freshen it up and model it the way I like.

I've just purchased a motorcyle for the first time since I met my WW and I can't wait to get riding again. I've been going out with my friends and having a good time.

Basically, I'm doing things for ME now and I KNOW I will be fine without my WW in my life. I will never let ANYONE take me back to that dark place I was in several months ago.

I have some investments that are doing extremely well latey and it's kind of sad that I won't be able to enjoy this will my WW now. We sacraficed for so long and now when things are turning around financially for me, she won't be around to enjoy it.

The sad part is I know I am extremely vulnerable to an EA or PA myself right now and to be honest, I don't think I would try to prevent it from happening... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />