BUMP

(Because it's a very useful thread!)

Whipser...

Thank you so much for sharing. I felt like someone out there was saying my story...It too was a WW.

>>Also, I was paralyzed with fear of losing a H
>>At the same time, I was so afraid of losing the OM who was able to meet my unmet EN's. So, I did what I needed to do to string both along. Yes, those were some very dark days for me and the monster that I've become.
>>I called and visited my H often out of guilt and b/c I didn't really want to let go.
>>What tore me up inside was seeing the hurt in his eyes b/c I left him stranded all the while knowing that I was out there "living it up" at his expense. He deserved so much better.
>>He never asked me to come home, but he did tell me he missed me and that he was miserable without me.
>>I would turn it around and say that he was saying those things to make me feel guilty.
>>I've done something terribly wrong and will regret it for the rest of my life.

All these quotes are as if I said them myself. I don'e feel so alone.

Thanks.... Undo

Undo,

That's right. You are NOT alone. Where are you in your decision now? Keep in mind this site is not for BS's alone. I couldn't have gotten to this point without it.

Keep reading and keep posting. You'll get your answers here.

Whisper,

My decision was and always has been to stay with my H and make of marriage work.

By reading others trials and tribulations, we hope to learn to grow stronger towards recovery. Thank you..


Undo

I'm glad to hear you say that. I couldn't agree with you more.

Again, it's nice to know that you're not so alone. Let me know if you need help through recovery. I'm new at it too. We'll learn to get through all of this together!

whisper -- somehow i tend to notice that the WW's find it a little harder to "leave home". The WH's they seem to have an "easier" time escaping or avoiding conflict and start living with the OW.

My WH hasn't come to visit *at all*. Since we have no kids, there's hardly any reason for him to come by. However, yesterday, he emailed me about a possible job lead and wrote abt his thoughts concerning an on-going family issue with my dad. He keeps asking me to update him on that particular situation. I wonder if he's hanging to this one very tiny slim strand of conversation to me.

I read with interest ark's and your creative suggestions to hurtinginokla. However, I can see that it'll truly work only if the WS is still living in the home and comes by to pickup/ interact with kids, etc. My WH is practically gone and almost detached. Do note that it's only been 2 mths since D-Day.. and he's already acting as if I'm an after-thought.

~A

Ashley,

"somehow i tend to notice that the WW's find it a little harder to "leave home". The WH's they seem to have an "easier" time escaping or avoiding conflict and start living with the OW."

>Can't confirm or deny this one. I think it all depends on the person and the sitch.

"He keeps asking me to update him on that particular situation. I wonder if he's hanging to this one very tiny slim strand of conversation to me."

>Doesn't really matter, does it? The key is how you respond if/when he does call or stop by, regardless of the frequency. Be sure to go over what Ark and I had suggested and take advantage of the time if/when he does call or stop by. Also, can you make up reasons for him to have to stop by even just once? Signing papers? Pick up bills? Pick up his old XYZ junk that you don't want? Even if you're not there, leaving things around so that he can snoop is a good thing. Keep him guessing and wondering is a good thing.

He is in such an avoidance mode that he insisted we left his mail in the mailbox. He'll collect it whenever.

I wld have liked him to fix my wireless connection but as comp-related stuff is usually his job, I wld think I shld begin to ask BIL to do that these days.

He never calls. He only TMs or emails.

I guess I cld perhaps ask him to take some more of his leftover junk...but as my Mom is usually home, he wldn't snoop in the bedroom or study where my belongings/stuff are.

The only way that I can really keep him guessing is being unavailable and not in the hse + not replying to his emails or TM's quickly. *shrug*

~A

Ashley,

U have been reading yout posts on here and I am so sorry you are going through this. MY WH came by the house everyday since he left on July17. Well for some reason he has not come by in 3 days ,whcih actually has been good for me and gave me the chance to get somewhat stronger since I have not had to watch him leave here and go home to OW. One day he never even called, it really bothered me but I realized it was ok. Last 2 days we have talked about household stuff, money and general things. Conversations went pretty good. Well last night I had put a plan in motion to let him see I was not just sitting here mopeing over him. I made plans with friends to go out. I was going to drop kids off at bowling alley were he works on the weekends and have him bring them home because I was going out. I dressed to the nines and looked pretty darn good if I say so myself. Well I'll be darn if he didn't call and tell daughter he was not feeling well and would not be there. Talk about disappointed. Well went out anyway and enjoyed myself. He is suppose to be there tonight and I plan on trying the plan tonight if he goes to work. I am determined not to sit here and act like a bump on a log and I am making sure he knows it. Maybe it will work maybe not but I can't worry about that anymore I need to do this for me and be happy. So I guess what I am saying is do things and be happy because he will find out one way or another.

hurtinginokla, thx for your post and encouragement.

Sometimes I think he's gotten more and more detached as time passes. But then I can't control that, can I? I've not seen him ever since he packed up his stuff.

I will definitely continue to make things happy for myself and take steps in moving on.

I've already joined a new church the last 2 weekends. I am taking up an insurance course so that I may become an agent. I've never done direct-selling person before. I always had more of a marketing or accounting job. In the last month, I've met more new people than I've ever met in a yr. (Maybe God is showing me some open doors.)

Don't know if he'll ever find out as our path continue to diverge... but then changes can be a good thing, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


~A

Hurting/Ashley,

I'm a firm believer that if you continue to look for ways to improve yourself whether it's health/fitness, education, employment, outlook on life, etc., you'll be a better, happier person. These things, I recommend, for YOU, not for your H, your children, your friends or extended family, but for YOU! I know it's much easier said than done, esp. when you're under so much emotional stress with your WH's actions, but think of it as survival - your happiness and your future (M or no M) depends on it!

Hugs to you both. Hang in there,

Thanx for the encouragement, whisper.

Later on, I'm even going to meet possibly 3 NEW friends!! I've never met so many new people in my life within such a short span of time before.

~A

Good for you!

Just a side note - right now you're extremely vulnerable. You may want to steer clear of new friendships w/ the opposite sex for now. It would only complicate the matter. Just a thought.

Take care!

I have no interest in forming real rel'ships with men at the moment. Really. The main focus I have in my mind now and until it's resolved, is my financial state!!

Besides at this moment, I am not in man-loving mindset at all. I know it's generalisation, and I have to work thru the anger slowly but I am quite in a "men suck" mode mostly.

~A

I guess I don't blame you. Don't worry. These wounds will heal.

Bumping... useful thread