Just to give an update- We have MC tomorrow night. After that may be a good time for me to update everyone. "I of course could not go the whole week w/ out talking about our sitch" but will update later. MICHDADSWIFE MAY HAVE THINGS TO SAY AS WELL. I know she has been back and we have been looking together....until then or until more posts to this thread come up.

I of course could not go the whole week w/ out talking about our sitch"

oh come on now....bad-dad bad-dad.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

you better change that sentence that you CHOSE to talk abut our sitch...

unless you have terrets ...i believe you are in control of the words that come out of your mouth.....

you better stop it...
it gets you no where...
saddens and frustrates both of you
solves nothing

and nothing is changing...

time to bite your tongue.
time to put as we say round her a gum-band...(rubber band) round your wrist and snap that thing till it stings EVERY time you about to talk relationship talk..

too much pressure
too much stress..

and you create it all..

you got a whole board pulling for you two...and we're doing ALL the work.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />ARK^^
you better lighten up michdad..roma was not built in a day...
better see the bigger picture soon

so should i even post an update? let ya'll know whats been up?

ofcourse you should...

and you should lighten up...and realize that you need to be hopeful...and charming....and fill your home with light...and the belief in the value of self change for the good it does you and the good it serves those you love....

and you should definitely post your update...
I swear I'll only yell at you if I CANT stop myself...hee hee

ARK^^

mother-in-law is coming for a visit tomarrow. We have always had a great relationship. yes she does know about the A but doesn't know I know she knows about it. Anyway i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do if she starts asking me a bunch of pointed questions. I haven't seen her since me and H seperated although we have talked on the phone and nothing was mentioned about the A. Guess i'm just a nervous about the whole family thing. I'm not quite sure how to deal with it if she wants to talk about it.

bump

should I post or not in her thread-that is the question.

I love my wife and children. There has been another issue, and I brought it out in the open.

My wife has been strong for facing US and I know that her entire life is a whirlwind right now. I applaud her for sticking w/ it

Now... just to update everyone. She’s is still in a fog. But, you probably knew that. She has had contact the OM by phone and email since she has been back. She goes to the library to do this now because she knows I’m monitoring our computers.

So, I’m still in plan A –as she knows too. – but I have love busted w/ talk of the affair on Thursday night because she has been going to the library to get books for the kids and gets into the internet from there-and I couldn’t hold on to my knowledge of the who/how and why I had proof of it any longer…and of course this new knowledge and her words eat at me like poison and I can’t hold on for very long and…. Especially when we are close and my emotions are high… I CONFRONTED HER ON CONTACTING OM. I really thought she was gonning to deny it - which would have killed me.

She says it was a setback on her part because she found something out re: me.
What she is alluding to- she will not tell me.

So of course I’m bad, bad and bad – because I called my wife on the carpet about contacting OM- I know I should have kept it in -but I couldn’t. I did miss the chance to love unconditionally again and not talk of our relationship.

I actually think it helped me to get my new knowledge out in the open? Maybe I’m just putting my feelings out there…I felt better not sleeping w/ the knowledge and yes..and I really needed to see if she would deny it. I do know what plan A says! and I'm trying.

Emotions, crying-lots of that afterwards

We did spend the weekend mini-vacation together and no talk of the A or our other problems since that confrontation.
(But, what about my posts here on her thread? Is that a LB)

We’ve had some real good family memories this weekend –lake/beach/pool family time. Actually, I know the kids had a great time…and it was real nice.

Truthfully I feel closer to her today than I have in the last 10 weeks.

We have our 3rd MC counseling session tonight. My 10th visit to same counselor.

My mother is coming to visit for two days and she’ll be here this afternoon. As you can see from my wife there is some worry re: her visit. Wife knows that Mom has knowledge of A. I dont think Mom will say a word. She loves my wife and children. She just wants us to be happy and find our way.

I do want to create and be in an environment that is welcoming and healthy for wife and children and have a place where they want to be.

I want to be able to say wife wants that too. But, I can’t say it for her.

So there’s the weekly update. We are civil and I have seen these things pass between us: Affection/SF/Conversation/recreational companionship.

Hope and faith and love for the future. Mich_dad

1)She has had contact the OM by phone and email since she has been back. She goes to the library to do this now because she knows I’m monitoring our computers.


I went to the library to get books the start of the 2nd week and e-mailed Om for ES due to a setback because yes i found out something about H that disturbed me greatly. Have had no e-mails since and did it to vent and did not check to see if I had a reply. Yes I have been back to the lb. 1(one) time since then and did Not e-mail or have any contact with OM. The phone call H is refering to is from the first week I was home.


2)We have our 3rd MC counseling session tonight. My 10th visit to same counselor.

4th visit for both of us


3)but I have love busted w/ talk of the affair on Thursday night

It has been all we have talked and if not talked about read about it daily from last tuesday after counseling (in which he made the promise not to bring it up for a week) up untill we did the family thing on Saterday...which was my suggestion rather than staying home.(yes H it was a good time for us and the kids) And the confrontation came immediatly following SF. 5 minutes after we caught our breath. Which seems to be the case every time after SF.

Just wanted to make sure the facts were straight here. Not trying to start a fight with you H but I am getting a bit weary of you leaving out a few key points.

BTW I am not justifying the e-mail...I knew then it was a set back for me..i had barely taken a step forward at that point.. But once done I couldn't undo it.

Okayyyyy....anyone read the pamphlets yet?

You both need to learn HOW to love each other again.

Anyone willing to submit their will and emotions to God yet?

Recovery IS very much like a rollercoaster with ups and downs, but you don't "Ride the Coaster" every day either. Sometimes you take a break and reserve your "riding" to ONE day per week.

Mich Dad, if you want to "Trade" OM contacts, I'll trade you my wife's 3 years of contacts since we began recovery for your wife's "one" email. ONE email!! Give me a break!!

Michdadswife, if you don't start acknowledging that your husband is all torn up and confused inside you are NOT going to make progress. EVERY contact, no matter what the reason, sends him emotionally and mentally back to "square one." Take if from someone who knows from personal experience.

Now, don't you think it's about time that you two stop acting like 37 and 35 year old teenagers, tossed about by seething emotions?

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER have affair related "talks" after SF. It does not matter if you are "triggered" into thoughts, etc., you DO NOT discuss the "dark side" at such emotionally intimate and vulnerable times. Save those thoughts for the "once a week discussion time" and think about whether or not it's even worth discussing.

I have posted a new thread. see: affair is not the problem

bump for mdw to re-read....