Oh my gosh. I just looked at the latest check stub for WH. It had child support taken out of it !!! WTF !!!

I thought he was a good secret keeper (SH words) but this is rediculous !! He has a child I don't know about ??

I went back and looked at the old check stubs from last year's job. They took out the exact same amount - but it was under garnishment. I asked him about it a long time ago, and he told me - it was for a deposit on the truck. Like if something happened to it or whatever. He said that when or if he quit that job, he would get that money back. So, no big deal. I thought nothing of it.

Well, when he did quit that job this summer, oddly enough we did not get that money back. I asked him about it at the time and he said, his advances must have been more than the deposit paid. Again, I thought nothing of it.

Now yesterday I looked at recent check - there it was - child support !!! Oh my gawd. Now what ?? Yesterday I mentioned it to him, I do know he has grown children, but thought that he owed nothing at this point. He just got mad and practically hung up on me. Told me why did I bring it up with him so close to coming home when he could do nothing about this "glitch" on the road. I actually felt bad for bringing it up. Not a good conversation and I left it at that.

Today I looked at old stubs and oddly enough this is the exact same amount as the "truck deposit" !!! Oh my gawd - not only was there is there an OW - there is apparently a child or baby !!! What to do now ???

Help please. I guess this just may be the reason I was looking for not to have to go on the truck. Does it ever end ?? Not only did he not tell me about the A - he seemed to fail to mention a baby !!!

Help please.

Carnation

I am so sorry this is happening to you...

How long has that money been taken out? A few years that you know of for sure? Is it possible this is a different OW from at least three years ago or longer. To get money garnished like that it had to have been several years prior to the amount of money being taken out, through pregnancy, paternity testing, court preceedings possibly, and finally garnishment. The child is probably 5 plus years old.

This man has been hiding a child from you for years, he is not trustworthy. Do you have public access to court records in your state? You probably do, call the court house. Most states have web sites, did around, get her name.
He's not giving you answers.

Please don't feel bad for brining it up to him. This brings things on a new level, and you deserve answers.

a few months into recovery , my FWH said he was sickened by the though that the OW could have gotten pregnant. He just kept saying one night in a parking lot how you he always envisioned him and I having a kid., he would cry at the thought that it might nothappen. that i would leave him, and he would never give me children.


I would have felt awful for the unwanted child on his part.

Your husband was probably in a similar situation and felt sickend by it. He should have told you about it, this makes it ten times worse.

Thanks for replying. I did call the child support office in our county (actually the one we lived in before moving here and the same one as suspected OW) they had just closed for the day.

I tried to call his old job, a job he had for only 6 months. To get information about this garnishment. They would not give me any info, the actual employee is the only one who can get payroll information. Darn.

But, hello - how much more friggin proof do I need !!! At this point I am not hurt, been there - done that. I am mader than a wet hen. Really mad. It is the lies. And this is a big one. Ok, this would be a lie of omission, because how could I ask him about a baby when he won't even admit to the affair. I must get the truth this time. Courts I hope will be able to help me.

Thanks again, and much more help needed about this serious problem I now have. help.

car

This could be old child support that he owed for his grown kids. Have you thought of that?

Well, you know what to do. Find out the truth.

My oldest's father owed me support well past her 18th bday - he was that far in arrears. It might be that. I hope so.
So sorry that you are going through this!!

Thanks for the replies and advice. He has called twice recently, I just can not talk with him. This disgusts me so. I guess this makes the little flower issue (hoping for him to pick me some flowers due last summer) look almost insignificant at this point.

Hopefully the child support court will give me some answers. Can they, will they ? Be calling in the morning. Talk about someone's love bank rapidly declining. Mine is pretty slim.

Thanks again.

Car

Car, aren't child support orders public documents?

Hi Melody, thanks for replying. I know absolutely nothing about child support. I divorced my X right around her turning 18, so I know nothing about it.

How could he possibly keep all that it would involve with an OW and her being pregnant, and child support stuff secret ? That is just too much to handle secretly. Although, seriously I put little past him at this point. Someone, somehow would have to tell me. I talked with her dad for crying out loud !! Maybe I do have the wrong person. Maybe I am nuts. Yes, he is driving me crazy this time.

Actually I am still practicing detaching from him and his lies. It is like I am really practicing it, like if I need it further on down the road. (pardon the pun !!lol) anyway, I really feel like I am getting stronger. This whole new devolopment, while very puzzeling, is not making me that crazy. I mean, how much can one take ?

I know that I won't be talking to him until at least I have talked with child support people tomorrow. Thankfully tomorrow is Friday. My luck it would be Sat and I would have to wait.

Thanks so much - Car

Car, have you considered hiring a P.I. to do a background check on him? I just wonder if he has been living a double life and that is why he was so anxious to be a truck driver.

child support is public record...you should be able to get it off the web if you live in a bigger area

Just thinking back.... once on the truck a while back, during one of my many discussions about his suspected A, I accused him of having an A for a year or so, he says -- oh no, let's not say one or two years, lets say three or four !! Would that make you happy ??!! All these little comments (confessions) over the last year ARE driving me crazy. People don't say things like this for no reason at all.

It is too weird. Or maybe not at all. I can remember every single thing he has said regarding this - but I can not remember where I laid something down !! I guess matters of the heart weigh the most.

Thanks for all the info. I can not take any more drama right now. I have my sanity to protect here. Therefore, I will not stay up all night searching the web for information about this. I can wait til 8 when the child support court opens up. (lol)

Child Support ...... &&&&& I still can not believe I saw that on his check !!! Raising my hands to God.... help me help myself.

Carnation - One thing I do like, I am quite pleased with the user name I picked. I just love it....

A little update on this question - Called child support section of the court, she would give me NO information at all. She said my name has to be on the order for her to give out any information. I asked about it being pubic record and she said not through her office. I asked where and she suggested DA or AG. Called them, same response.

Finally took WH call after that. Nicely but firmly questioned the child support coming out of his checks. He could care less. He told me possibly he still owed money from his first child, but was not sure. I pressed a little, and he just got angry that he could do nothing about it while on the road. Could we talk about it when he gets home - um.... yea we can !!

He was supposed to be coming home tomorrow, Sat. but he tells me he might have to go to Mississippi, so not exactly sure when he will be home. For all I know, he is here now or could be here tomorrow.

Once they put that fear in you with all the lying, it is just such a misserable way to live. I am getting real real sick of the lies. Even if they aren't lies, how the heck do I know that !! I can't continue to babysit him all the time and play detective.

Not sure what to do at this point.

Carnation

Dear Car, your sit has been [censored] - but here's what I noticed: the stronger you got, the more you found out.

This would've killed you a coupla months ago.

Now your're strong and dignified. A lady with a plan.

Get him to back up this CSA stuff, calmly, when he gets home.

Accept nothing but utter transparency. Your WHs behaviour absolutely reeks of cake eating.

You're doing this right, car, well done.

Stay strong and detached.

And don't get ink done! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> {{{car}}}

Ugh Carnation...I'm sorry.....but the other's are right, it may be for an old order. I know that my ex-brother in law is still paying my sister child support, from where he got so far into arrears...he'll be paying her for the rest of his life. (He's like 50...and my nieces are pushing 30 hard).

Don't jump to conclusions, I know it's hard to do, but try not to.

-Caren

Thanks for the replies.

Bob - You are right, a while back this possibility would have done me in !! I am getting much stronger, which wasn't too hard, no where to go but up. It kinda scares me that I have been detaching so much, but I must protect my heart and sanity here.

Wow - I certainly have come a long ways from wanting that ink. That makes me feel so much better. What a rollercoaster ride they have put us on !!! Thanks for noticing my small improvemets.

Caren - I hope y'all are right about the old child support. Seriously doubt if I could bear to deal with him having a child from an A. As Dr. Phil would say - that would be the deal-breaker. (heart breaker too) thanks so much for taking the time to reply.

Car

Car, why don't you have a P.I. do a records check on him? And then put a GPS on his truck to see where he goes.. I bet he is living a double life.

Car,

Don't hang on to the "back support" theory. It doesn't make sense. If it was back support he owed, why wouldn't he tell you about it? Why make up all these stories about truck fees and claim now that it is a "glitch" in the payroll department?

Stand your ground and get your proof why he is paying this money and to whom. I second the motion for a PI.

~ Snow

Carnation,

Some suggestions on how to beat the CS folks who won't give you answers: First, if you have any idea where this child might have been born, you can go tp that county or city (depends on the state - some keep it at the county level, some keep it at City) where the keep Birth Certificates - usually called Vital Statistics. Do a check to see any naming your WH as the father - this is a technique geneologists use to find people on their family tree. Second, again, if you know/suspect where the child might live now, go to the Clerk of Courts for that County and do a search of any cases naming your WH as a party - cases and associated orders are public record. The case would probably be captioned "In Re [name of OC]." Finally, a third option is, if you are on any terms at all with the mother of WH's children, call her and ask if he is still paying back support.

Regards,

BB