Yes, Pep I did divorce WH 7 years ago. And we have since remarried. I did this, at the time, to secure my finances. It was an agreement between us that we would only be divorced on PAPER. We still wore our rings, nothing changed except through the courts. Since we live in Texas, we would be common law marriage any way. We presented ourselves always as married.

Buy, hey, thanks for bringing that up. I hope I explained it and yes, I DID tell Steve that too !!!!!

Carnation

And we have since remarried.

Each other? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

committed

Pep - Where are you ?? Gathering more information about me ??

Car

I bumped up your old post ... we only know things about you that you decide to share.

Maybe I don't need to get a phone recorder.

Pep - Do you have my phone tapped ???

Car

Did you have more than one session with Steve? The first session is mostly information gathering..not enough time for development of a definite coaching plan..it's a process..You see?

carnation, she is only repeating things you have told us on this forum.

Well, see.... I rarely even think of it. It is never an issue in my house.

Car

Mimi - His appt. before mine ran late. When I finally talked to him later in the morning - we talked for an hour and a half !! Which would be two sessions. Worked for me.

And yes - I TOLD STEVE THAT WE DIVORCED AND REMARRIED.

As some here say - the whole story !!!!

Carnation

carnation,

Your other post says he is really not your H. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Now, you are saying that you remarried. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I happen to think that credibility matters on the forum.

committed

I have decided to share everything. Sorry I did not "share" this recently. I seriously do not even think of it. If I would have, and thought y'all needed to know this again - I would have said it again.

I doubt that this had any bearing in my WH having an A. He has always worn his ring. WE always have felt married and isn't that what it is all about ?? Him betraying me - LEGALLY married or not.

Car

Committed -- Have I not made myself clear. I seriously do not know what post y'all are talking about.

Maybe the post ( I am sure someone (Pep) will be quoting it soon) was written on a DAY when I was not feeling married. When I was worried about my WH having an A and that was adding to my stress.

The main thing is - We have always acted, presented ourselves, thought, felt, said - we were married. It was only on paper. But LEGALLY he could walk away from me at any time when we were divorced. But this being a common law marriage state, I am not sure. Course, anyone can walk away from anything or anyone at any time.

Perhaps my old posting was during a brief time when I realized that we weren't REALLY married and was very worried about the A.

Like I have said - We have always felt we were married. Most people thought we were.

I am VERY disturbed that Pep brought this up as to me not telling Steve THE WHOLE STORY !!! (or y'all) Like she had an ace up her sleve. I will not back down !!!!!

Car

Do not back down!

But, have you (yet) learned where your H's heart is? You said that was all that mattered.

Where is his heart carnation?

Committed -- Have I not made myself clear.

No..you haven't.

You said that you divorced....and then REMARRIED ..now that (to me) means a WEDDING took place...and that LEGALLY he is bound to you.

An earlier post....you said My H is not actually my H. We married about 10 years ago, but divorced after only 3 years.

Anyone who would say that a divorce is only on paper...must think that a marriage is "only on paper" too.

I'm beginning to think it might be possible for there to be a number 6 out there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

He is not legally bound to you so he must feel free to do whatever while he is on the road.

You know...nevermind ...this is too confusing at best.

committed

My HUSBAND is due home today. Thanks for all the added stress !!! Between shaking and crying -- this board has been very comforting to me today. Thanks. Good timing Pep.

I am off to Radio Shack.

Carnation

This sort of thing is not effective on me.

pepperband,

I see where you are going with this and I apologize for derailing it. You are clearly onto something.

committed

I don't think his betrayal is solely what this is "all about" at all! There is lots more. And THAT is why I said no one has the whole story. Quite possibly, even you!

You try to gloss past the fact that you divorced him 7 years ago, saying it was "only" to protect yourself financially. Do you know the emotional message of that particular decision?

It was NOT about finances, except on the surface.

the emotional message....

It was about trust. Or, more specifically, lack of trust.

7 years ago, you betrayed the marriage committment, only in a different way than infidelity.

The marriage trust was not developed .... not even back when the marriage was fresh and new and unmared by infidelity.

And this was about more than protecting yourself financially .... it also protected you from full committment.

Deciding to marry a man while fully aware that you are wife #5 indicates (to anyone paying attention) that full committment was NOT something you had in mind.

You married a non-committing man for a reason. It would serve you to find out why.

You desire partial committment. A divorced-but-looks-like-marriage marriage.

and.... adding to the depth of who you are...

You mentioned on a different thread (months ago) that you have "huge" abandonment issues.

Which means you have huge committment issues as well. They go hand-in-hand.

What troubles me is that you are (for the last 8 months on MB) spinning your wheels trying to figure out what your H is up to ...

and yet .... your own emotional territories and geography are so unexplored.

You seem a stranger to yourself.

But, like you said, I don't know you ... only what you choose to share here ... but since this is a public space provided by the generosity of the Harleys .... I can choose to notice some things about you, and bring it to your attention. And you can choose to ignore me, or dismiss me, or discuss with me.

We both have free will here.

I'd like to discuss the emotional meaning of divorced-marriage ... are you interested?

Sure, Pep, I will discuss anything with you. I welcome it. But right now I am quite upset.

My quasi WH got home today. While he was in house putting some stuff away, I had to go onto his truck , I had to check his cell phone, I had to see numerous received calls from (no name) during the period of July 2, he left July 1 to July 9. I called OW and her father, I think, on the 11 or 12. But no calls from that blocked number since. So that is quite upsetting and heartbreaking to me.

My QWH asked what was wrong, I told him - all ****** broke lose. After him calling me every name in the book, and then some - he smashed his cell with a hammer. We are not speaking. I suppose I deserve it because I emotionally divorced him years ago. And I pretended to marry him recently. Whatever. joy joy

I know this does not effect you either - I mistakenly come here for support - but that is all probably hanging in the balance right now.

When and if I calm down and figure out this mess I have made of my QM, I will gladly discuss whatever subject you desire.

Carnation