Kayla, what do you mean by this? Me meeting someone NOW? falling in love now?

yes, I understand this believer...it is the same thing...and maybe he is remorseful and really wants to work now....but I have moved on..I cant stop it now

Didn't he break up with her before when you put the D on hold back in May? What is different this time...the tears? What are they tears for...OW, or you, or himself?

I have no idea...i think he realizes what he is losing! it is no different as far as I can see....

ssdd...he breaks up with her, I put the divorce on hold, he comes home, it's not what he expected, he goes back...not going to happen again!

He certainly wouldn't be able to just come home. Not this time. He's failed at that too many times. He really would need lots of time on his own to prove himself. It just doesn't seem like he would be capable of doing it right. Doubt he is really willing to do the hard work that would be necessary to prove his commitment to what is right.

Hey Mom... I found his comment about not wanting to see you with anyone else very telling, especialy when compared to other comments he's made about you...

He still ses you as a POSSESSION.

The others have been very good with support so I'll just end this by saying-

A mom with 3 boys has no need for a Cobra. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Get something that doesn't scream attention wh*re.

Can I quote you on that MF4M? Oh, I just did!!! LOL!!

OK, seriously, you are right to proceed to divorce and fashion a life for you and the boys that meets your needs and theirs. IF dad is so blasted serious about repairing the marriage and making it up to you, I would think he would have said he'd come home at any time you wanted (not just BEFORE the divorce is final). Yep. If he truly wants you, he can show you for a year or two after the divorce is final and maybe you'll select him over one of your other suitors. Or not. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey, does anybody think Ed is doing this in order to look good in front of the judge in September? "Oh, Judgie, I wanted to reconcile, but my wife wouldn't... please don't take too much money away from me..." Okay, I am a skeptic but Ed always seems to respond to his money.

What did OW want with you, anyway? I'm curious why she called.

~ Snow

Laughing myself silly on that one!!! Hee Hee Hoo Haw!!! Hey, mom, you want the Cobra? Go for it. Then if you don't want to look like an attention wh*re sell that baby for some hard cold cash and put it away for a rainy day.

~ Snow

MovingForward 4Me....
Our STBX's are a lot alike....if you ever need to talk you can reach me...here is my email [email]CarolinaChic1970@aol.com.[/email]
Let me know when you have it so I can edited it out.

got it tree...i am heading out, so will respond to everyone later tongiht...

Well, people on here have already said most of what I wanted to say, but I think I'll reiterate it anyway....

Love is patient. You have been patient. Now, if he is sincere, D23B will have to be patient. There is no way he can prove his sincerity to you on his current time schedule. If this is truly sincere on his part, he'll be willing to wait it out and continue to show you he has changed without ever expecting ANYTHING in return from you. He's the one who killed the trust in your relationship, and the only way he can rebuild that is over time, a long time. If he isn't willing to put in that time, he isn't sincere.

Do you see any sign of real remorse or regret in him. Mind you, not remorse over being caught in the middle, not regret based on what the divorce may cost him. Does he show true remorse and regret for his actions? Right now, you may be able to say no. You've seen how it looks before when he says and does what he thinks it will take to get the quick fix and stop the divorce. Does this time look like those other times? Even if it looks different this time, you don't have enough info to say yes, he is showing remorse and regret. Why? Because again, the only way you will be able to tell is by observing his actions over time. Lots of time.

And what about restitution? Nothing can completely give restitution for what he has put you through, but has he done anything to even attempt it? He's been around here, Dr. Phil has told him, you have told him, he knows what it takes. If he is truly breaking it off with her, there are things that need to be done so that he can maintain no contact with her. Arrangements have to be made regarding the OC. Visitation schedules have to be worked out. And this all needs to be done in such a way as to minimize contact with OW. And at this stage in the game, if he truly wants reconciliation, he has to do it on his own, without knowing if it will give him a chance with you or not. He needs to do these things NOT because he thinks he can stop the divorce, but because they are the right things to do. To not try and control you by expecting you to believe him this time because.... well, frankly, only because he SAYS you should! Actions, actions, actions. And over the long-term.

Here's one for you: imagine D23B spent the next 2 or 3 years, even after you divorced, trying to be the man he was when you first married. He spends lots of time with the boys, and helps with them and gives you support, monetary and otherwise, without being asked. He is nice to you, and does nice things for you, without ever expecting anything in return. He tells you how wrong he was for so long, and that he knows he can't expect you to choose him again because of his actions, but that he now realizes how much he has lost, and NOT talking money here.

I could easily see you falling for that man all over again. The question is - is D23B that man? He hasn't been so far. So, has it all been fog, and he is now coming out of it, or has all his behaviour been his true personality coming out? That's why I say it would take years of him working to show you the changes without expecting anything in return. That's the only way I would even come close to suspecting it might be sincere.

So what does all this mean for you right now? Absolutely nothing. You should be moving forward with everything as you have been. If he truly has remorse and regret, he will see that his actions so far have left you little choice but to continue with the divorce, and that if he really wants you back, he'll have to continue showing by his actions that he is worth your consideration.

So, you continue on as you have been, and see how he reacts. That will tell you all you need to know.

But I think you do know. If you saw the man I described above, would you even need to ask anyone else what to do? I think you can finally tell the difference at this point, and you're only asking because you do have feelings left, which is normal. His actions are designed to make you feel guilty, and to make you question the path you are on now. I think you're only asking here because you have that conflict - you feel like you SHOULD consider, because he has made it appear as if he's sacrificing and because you still would prefer to have an intact marriage, but you realize that he's not offering up anything new, and you've fallen for this before. If he ever comes up to the standards you need, I think you'll know it and won't have to ask anyone else.

Stay strong. And remember that love is patient - and if he is sincere, he will be too.

[color:"blue"]Be careful what you ask for..... my candor !

The news of your own *wonderful* affair does not surprise me. It only sickens me. How's that for candor ?

This supposed "crisis" that you wanted to discuss on the phone, then on this thread was a ruse. And I am calling you on your dishonesty! How's that for candor ?

You want to feel good about your affair ... go right ahead. Do it on your own time. Do not attempt to drag me along with you.

This thread was a set up. This "crisis" was a set up. All an attempt to say ---> " look what bad things have happened to me" ---> the purpose was to clear the road to announce the *beauty* of you new-found-perfect-man .... your *wonderful* affair-partner.

phooey !

Well I protest ! Do not ever attempt to use me in this way again. I cannot speak for anyone but myself ... I feel very manipulated by you.

Remember the story/fable The Boy Who Cried Wolf .... The boy used up all the villagers trust crying "help me" when he was tricking people. Then, the actual wolf did appear, and when the boy cried out for help ---> NO ONE PAID ATTENTION !

You value my advice? Here it is. I advise you not to ask me for my opinion or my help. I will not be used this way. You are not some newbie who got lost in the dark. You are an old-timer who tried to manipulate me (and others).

No more.

[/color]

My name was in the title of this thread and you wanted me to call you.

what Pep said ~ ditto!

Susan