You're right...I am scared. I am stubborn.

You are also right that I see those three options as possibilities and I can't decide which is correct.


As for this statement...



I don't think that's true. I don't think I need to "play" victim. No matter what decisions I make in life, other people seem to put me in that role because I have always been trusting and NOT pushing love away.

So, you tell me to accept love...

I don't see it!

Since you said that option #3 is crap, then maybe option #1 or #2 are correct...I don't know. If not, then what is the real truth?

And how do you know? You seem convinced that it's love he has for me and I'm pushing it away...Maybe it isn't. Maybe it doesn't look like love and that's why I'm pushing it away. Maybe he isn't capable of loving me the way I need to be loved.

All I know is that it doesn't look like love to me and it sure doesn't feel safe.

Thanks for your time last night. I appreciate it. I'm not trying to be obstinate. I just want to understand.

[color:"blue"] none of them are correct

all of them are crap [/color]

Then I guess I'm stumped.

I don't see love. It doesn't feel safe.
What I do see is that his desire to protect himself is still much stronger than his desire to protect me.

He is still too afraid to tell me the truth. I have been patient for a very long time about this.

He doesn't seem to trust me enough to show me who he really is, how he really feels, or to lay it all out there.

I've already committed to him. I've told him that I'm not going anywhere. I've done nothing to give him reason to distrust me.

He leaves the walls up to protect himself and then he wonders why I'm so far away.

I HAVE made myself vulnerable to him. Believe me, the easier option would sure have been to walk away. I am sure I could have met someone else or been fine on my own. Yet, I stayed. I stayed because I think he is worth the effort. I think he is worth the risk.

Why doesn't he seem to think that I am worth the risk? How am I supposed to conjure up some sort of love he feels for me out of his actions?

[color:"blue"] That doesn't mean it's not there.

A therapy opportunity awaits you.

Froz to therapist ---> "I cannot seem to see, smell, or feel incoming love ... can we work on fixing my receptors for love? I have been trying to fix the senders of love for a long time, now I want to concentrate on that part of me that puts up the wall." [/color]

Okay. I will explore it.


(there is a tiny voice in my head saying "Why do I have to do everything hard and scary?", but I am ignoring it...for now)

FROZ

You have enlightened me ... !!

See LowOrbit's thread ...

Thank you Froz ... this discussion has allowed me the opportunity to recognize something I have been dragging behind me ... and I am determined to let that crap go. Why?

Because it is slowing down my ability to give and receive love for MY Mr. Pep ... the imperfect man of my dreams! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Thank YOU dear .... this discussion has helped Moi! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

You get out of it what you can ... I'm taking hold of MY gift opportunity here .... and I am running with it!

wheeeeeeeeeee

I'm glad you gained something from our conversation.