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Thanks again,
But sometimes I just want to scream and tell everyone how much pain I’m in!
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HLR,
How about you and I have screaming challenge. I bet we BOTH could put up a good match. I try to keep most of my posts positive, but the truth is that I hurt inside in every way all the time.
I was 252 lbs before this all happened (6/30/2005). I'm now down to 233 and on a variety of different drugs that I'd never heard of because of my meltdown last week. Inside I keep wondering how Undo could do this to me. That if she loved me so much then how could she have done all this. Then I also remember how she came back to me and this is what keeps me hopeful.
You are not alone. I'm popping Xanax like they were Pez. I can't wait til the AD's kick in and the pain doesn't hurt as much.
Last edited by Hopeful4future; 08/03/05 01:52 PM.
Hopeful4future
The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.
BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
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Posts: 351
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Hopeful your lucky to have one thing I don't; Your wife not only admits her wrong doing but is doing what you ask to help you…Mine only kinda does that, I think she believes she’s doing it, but in reality she keeps things from me and that hurts a lot, she doesn’t truly understand the pain or when she does her pain becomes the center of everything.
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Hopefull You & I should go out drinking
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HLR,
Your comment is funny for one big reason... I don't really drink. If I have 4 beers in a year then it's been a heavy year for me.
The part that is funny is that with all that has been going on in the last month I've had more beer than in the last 11 years combined. Undo saw me for the first EVER drunk just a few weeks ago. Granted, it only took about 3.5 beers to get me loopy and goofy, but she still laughed.
Besides that, I agree. We could both use the time out so we can cry in our beers, scream at walls, and pee on someone's bushes.
Hopeful4future
The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.
BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 351
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Hopeful4future,
I believe we can support one another considering our similar circumstances. I never thought I would be here discussing some of these things. But when your life turns upside down and you can’t talk to the one person you should, you need some place to vent. Thanks for lending an ear some days start off bad…like today; I made the mistake of asking my WS if she thought a marriage counselor might help. She said do you just come up with these things to get me upset, you know how emotional I am and this just reminds me of everything. I don’t like starting my day all stressed out! If things aren’t going the way you want, decide if you want to stay or go. SO I’m back to screaming.
Your friend,
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HLR,
I did get your e-mail yesterday and looked over the Doc you sent. I will respond to that soon. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to offer helpful advise, but I can always lend an ear (they stick out pretty far) and share my experiences. If nothing else, we can vent to each other.
Hopefully we will laugh at things soon because of how well they are going.
Hopeful4future
The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.
BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 351
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Hopeful4future,
FYI, that document is what spurred me to write the romantic fantasy\affair with my wife.
I was looking for yours and Undo’s opinion on.
I need help on how to write about having an affair with my WS!
Let me explain…My WS and I have talked about many things since her A, I shared an article I read about
“Addressing the fantasy of the affair.”
So my WS told me to write how I would have one with her.
Hope to hear from you guys
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HLR,
I read some of the doc you sent to me but I'm curious as to why your wife would want you to write about how you would have an affair with her. Is she saying that she is looking for a new level of excitement in your marriage by spicing it up with role playing? If so, then ask what other roles might interest her.
Hopeful4future
The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.
BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107 |
Thanks again,
But sometimes I just want to scream and tell everyone how much pain I’m in! HLR this is called VENTING or EMOTIONAL JOURNALLING. its a very healthy part of recovery but only if it focuses you on recovery not distracts you from it. Vent on here, or vent in your own journal, NEVER to your W. Then set about changing yourself into a man who can rescue your marriage.
MB Alumni
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HLR,
I read some of the doc you sent to me but I'm curious as to why your wife would want you to write about how you would have an affair with her. Is she saying that she is looking for a new level of excitement in your marriage by spicing it up with role playing? If so, then ask what other roles might interest her. Hopeful4Future, On page 54-55 of the document I sent, it discusses the fantasy of the affair and how the faithful spouse may have some of the needs you just fulfilled in your fantasy world. Dr. Peggy Vaughn suggests “creating a new fantasy, one that includes your partner.” So I told my WS that sounded like fun to me and her comment was that I should write it down so she could read what I think I would like, but I took it a step further By writing My fantasy affair started the day we meet and now I’m asked to write a fantasy with the women of my dreams – her…
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HLR,
I've had some similar experience with my WW, although I didn't do what you are currently working on.
One evening we were talking in bed and I asked her about things that turned her on. She mentioned that hot weather and the beach are things that often get her aroused. So then I calmly began describing a scene where she was alone on a beach on a hot day. And then began describing myself walking along the beach and finding her there alone and .... you get the point. It tooks her about 10 seconds to rip my clothes off.
Anyway. I found it to be a way to get the excitement of some naughty behaviour that I would never really do in real life. We just act it out a bit. The first time feels a bit funny and self-conscious, but it gets to be fun as you become more comfortable.
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