wow bob...what a comeback

i'm hearing all the same things now-i hope i hear the same things later too!

so far it seems that the lawyer and counselors i've talked to don't know everything. they said once a spouse leaves they rarely come back...but i'm starting to believe otherwise...how many people are here reading this?

so out of 100 people here-say 10 have saved thier marriage using these strategies?

i'm really bad at math so i'm just estimating

these success storied gave me a more positive outlook on things!

thanks!

eav there are MANY MANY success stories ! When peoples lives get better beyond a certain point they stop posting. they don't need the boards anymore. The folks voting here are representatitive of the folks who stayed on , not EVERYONE.

MB helps make it possible for WS to come home.

If you read my earlier threads, you'd be able to see the countless folks who have recovered their M. Unfortunately, many of them have left MB so that they can leave the ugly memories behind, but I can assure you the numbers are a lot higher than you'd imagine!!

Eav - my H and I are finally in recovery. I had an A, and 7 months into our recovery, my H started an EA and left me, - asked to make the seperations permanent - of course it became a PA very quickly after he left.

Now his turn around was quick...in 4 weeks he called to confess and figured though I would never take him back. But of course I did, my marriage was what I wanted. And now 6 weeks later, we are well on the RIGHT path to recovery, and i truely believe our marriage has been saved. This wasn't like recovery the first time around where it was all about pain and shock...this time around we are laying new foundations, learning new ways to communicate, working on the MARRIAGE itself.

People CAN come back after they leave. I had to face the truth that my H may not of ever come back...but he did. And we are doing better than we ever have.

Also,

are you christian? There is a great christian book I read hand in hand with the MB's stuff when H left, called When the One you Love Leaves. It's written for women. I highly recommend it.

thank you Dorry
i'm very happy for you and your husband!
i keep reading posts that give me a reason tohope!

ps
i've got that book too!

Like the wise woman Pep told me when my H left and asked for a legal seperation - hang in there - it's not over yet!

My affair was over 3+ years ago and my wife and I are at a better place in our marriage than we ever have been. With that said, I think the philosophy, taken in whole, here at MB is basically sound. I do not agree with all of it and do pick and choose the parts that I find helpful. I've never been absolutist black/white kind of guy (this may explain why I'm a buddhist and not a christian). I don't think there is only one way or one right answer. I always see shades of grey.

Your marriage can recover. Both partners must be willing to make the marriage relationship a priority in their lives for this to happen. I think that too many marriages die from simple neglect. Reading here reminds me to water and feed my marriage.

i'm thrilled with the success stories!

i hope i can add myself to this list...read my post if you'd like to offer ideas or let me know what you think. I'm trying hard and he's hardly trying:(

i've decided...the best wedding gift...His Needs/Her Needs
and Avoiding Love Busters!!

Though D-day for me was just over a month ago, I believe Undo and I have saved our marriage. I consider it saved because of the actions she took to end the A and the help she has asked for with how to handle the withdrawals she will have.

I consider it saved because we both have a common goal... to live happily ever after with each other. We have a long way to go, but we are both optimistic in our future.

Three years ago, my H admitted to a PA. Then he began an EA. He moved out. Told me he didn't love me anymore. Said he thought he never did. He took his ring off, got his own checking account, bought an UGLY rig, stopped calling and coming by, got a tattoo, bleached his teeth, colored his hair, went to a tanning salon!!!! He started hanging with 20-somethings(he was 41) and didn't have time to spend with his 3 sons. He dogged us on many occasions when asked over for dinner.

I cried, begged, stalked, kicked a big ole dent in his rig after finding him at the tattoo parlor w/ Hoochie Mama.

I bucked up and did a Plan B. (I didn't know about MB, but my counselor helped me with this plan) After 6 weeks of very little contact, he decided the "single" life was not for him and wanted to come home.

Today, he coaches my sons' baseball, soccer, & football teams, I ALWAYS know where he is, he calls me several times a day, tells me he loves me many times a day, brings me flowers...

We still have quite a bit to go before "recovered", but I know we will make it!

Tatertot

oh tatertot...that is a complete 180 for him!!

a suntan fades
colored hair grows out
bleached teeth are always good
but a tattoo? hope it's not too ugly or at least not visable too often!

thanks for sharing

ps
hootchie mamma...i love it

My H had an entangled affair that lasted 18 months as a PA and about 6 months prior, as an EA.

Complicating factors:

My H was an out-of-control alcoholic

His affair was with his friend's wife. Had been friends since they were 6 years old. (how sad it that?)

and guess what.... we're GOOD!

It takes 2 determined people to make recovery work.

pepper,

thank you for sharing. your time frame is long like
mine so this gives me hope-it's hard to hang in for so long!

but you're right...it takes two...so far that's my problem

eav, I gave you something to consider on your Plan A thread.

woe
thank you! I haven't found it yet but I'll keep looking!

i've counted 17 so far!!! and that is only counting the people who have remained here for support or to give support!


ps
woe,
i found it and responded
thanks

bump up

eav1967,

It is good to see all the posts from members who have saved their marraiges, especially for those of us who are struggling and haven't achieved that goal yet.

My D-day was only 2 weeks ago and I have since exposed my WW and implimented Plan A. Sticking with Plan A is difficult since it goes against your natural instinct which would be to fight or flee. I hope that one day in the future, I can return to this thread having acheived my goal of recovery.

These people have been through this so please listen to them carefully since they know what they are talking about.

good luck

bumping