i'd still love to hear more success stories that come out of situations similar to mine!

I understand. When my mom was here to help me out emotionally, it was great, but it was still not the same and I kept missing H. Hang in there.

oh...forgot to brag a bit:)

i rock climbed!

twice!

eav, hope is good. It hurts, and it keeps the brakes on your grief, but it's good.

The other thing that's good - and a tougher pill to swallow - is preparing to live without him forever.

Right now, I think you're constantly measuring the possibility of your M being saved, which is natural. Wouldn't you love to hear a success story with personalities and circumstances that match yours in every way? I remember searching hard for that a year ago.

I doubt you'll find it. Every situation is juuuuust unique enough that there can be no certainty. All you can do is continually nourish circumstances that will maintain the occasion for your M to be saved.

I wish there were guarantees.

GC

i wish there were too!

i really just need to keep hearing that it is possible!

sometimes i think "there's no way it couldever work out now" so it helps tohear that it has!

it's especially helful when my friends and family only say "he is not coming back. He's already told you that." and they say it every time i try to get some support for continuing to hope.

this really is the only place that i hear "maybe" and "anything's possible" and melodylane's "It's a long shot but it's possible"

and..."it can happen-it happened to me!!"

also...this is the only place that helps me to understand that my situation is not much different or much worse then some of the ones that did work out.

and it's great to know that so many of the things he says or does-everyone does!

does that make sense?

bump up

(can't sleep around here if you want to get responses!)

Perfect sense!


This is what I experienced, exactly. People who have not had this experience don't understand the depth of your attachment, how difficult it is to break it. If they could see - it's a bit like someone you love having a terminal illness. They also don't understand that pretty much everybody in a romantic affair wants a divorce, and that they all behave in pretty much the same way, up to the point of making the hard choices.

Including the ones who come back.

I'd say use your support system for the things they're able to give you. If they'll discourage you from trying to save your M, they can still help you. With or without H, you have to make a new life, and you need to find out how to be happy without him. They can help you with that.

If you try to convince one of these skeptics that your M can be saved, they might disappoint you. So don't bother. Every person supports you in a different way. Let them do it in ways that they're good at.

GC

Im in the same boat and wondering the same thing- but maybe it's me- Im thinking there's still hope. Mine has moved out and in with the ow. (last week) so Im on a new path. I told him were at the fork in the road. He tells me no were not he needs to work things out and it's not the end. That I am trying to push it to the end. Im still the one at home, in tears everynight, with the kids.
My youngest came up to me yesterday - (he 10)and put his hands on both sides of my face and said Mom hold your head up dont let this get you down _ I love you and you are the best.
I havent really talked to the kids about what is going on- I know they know. I asked them if they wanted to talk and they say it's nothing for them to talk about we are going to be fine.
I want them to see me as strong, confident, etc and I cant get my emotions in check enough,
I feel so ashamed.......

Winter, how sweet of your young boy to say what he said to you! I have one son (he will be three next month), and I feel the same way - I need to be strong and confident b/c I need to show the examples and protect my child, but it is extremely difficult. There is nothing for you to be ashamed of. Just look at your kids! They behave the way they do and even the youngest one is trying to cheer you up. This really shows how wonderful a mother you are! You must have done a great job rasing them. SO don't worry that you are a bit weak right now. They understand.

oh winter,

what a sweet little guy you raised!

have hope-at least your husband is not saying that he's decided it's over. at least he understands that he has things to work through.

he's trying out the life he thinks might be better before he decides if he wants to give up his life with you.

what plan are you using now? A or B?

it appears that my husband has tried out the other life and he choose it-the woman may have ended things but if she did-he's choosen to move on alone instead of coming back.

what this means to me...my husband has decided that any life i'm not a part of is better than the one he could have with me

that's what i'm trying to fight- its kind of like trying to put toothpast back in the tube:(

Thanks for the sweet words and yes I am blessed to have kids like I do. I was using plan a, but now im ready for plan b, after talking to him last night about visitation schedule and he gets angry and tells me he will see the kids as much as he wants. I told him i wasnt saying he couldnt I just wanted to clarify for the upcoming school year for all of us. He calmed down and said sorry - hes got a lot on his mind- and that things are not how I think they are with the OW. (right) He says they are not doing the do hes staying there until his place is ready.
That im just pushing for an ending.
I gave my daughter the phone and walked away.

he has a place-at home with his family

and i agree, plan B

show him whatit would be like notto have that family to come home to

and i would do it now and fast-before he moves to a new place!

get writing!!