ta da !

took awhile

but I found it

Pep:

You wouldn't be riding in the TERCEL now would you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />


Yes, I read the entire thread.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Lots of good stuff in this thread. I do not know where Low Orbit went, But I am glad you dug this up.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And Pep, you would be the Babe driving the Corvette with your Movie Star next to you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

So whats on the CD player? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

LG

I hated that fing Tercel

poor Low

he was trying like crazy to make his wife happy during recovery

it always fell short

then, Low ran into OW at the mall
had a cup'o'joe with her

then told his wife about it

she blew up
kicked him out
and began an affair with her married dentist !!!

Low moved to South Africa
his now X-wife emailed she missed him
hinted at recovery
he was making plans to try once more to recover the M (after the D)
then wife threw ice water on him again ... saying she was gonna try to get the affair relationship started again (or something like that)

he was so heartbroken

I really liked Low
we used to fight a lot
but I like a MB poster who will fight with me over principle

Pep

Ditto pep...

I liked LO..I pulled out a lot of hair on his account and permanently dented my desk pounding on it...but if I couldn't agree with him I could at least believe his committment and enjoy the debate.

So what did ever happen to him?

Anyone keep in touch outside MB?

the last time he was here we found out that his wife had taken up with a man. I think if I remember correctly LO is or was seperated and his wife began dating someone at a time when he was becoming optimistic. It was ironic because right around that time there was a lot of discussion revolving around his beliefs about women in committed relationships being fair game (so long as they were not married). He ran into someone that obviously feels that seperated women are available to date (many feel this way). I hope he has recovered from this since he disappeared right after he mentioned her activities.

Pep:

I might have to look up some of his other threads. THIS one was very thought provoking...

My beautiful wife has the bright YELLOW Convertible now....

email from wife today...

She is not coming. According to her, the newly separated dentist wants to pursue a relationship...and she wants to give it a chance...

Despite all my enlightened pontifications here...my desires to be so gracious and magnanomous...my heart isn't much different from others....

This hurts. Not just a little. My heart and my head don't match.

Why do we lie to ourselves? Why do we deny how much we really care for someone? Yet, when something like this happens...there is no denying it...


This was his last post here.

I suspect Mrs Low was having her affair long before Low found out

possibly explains why Low could never make his W happy with his recovery efforts

she was half out of the marriage while Low was trying to get things patched up

I miss Low

Pep

Oh, boy. I was SUCH the minivan mom. The thing is, after d-day, I refused to even sit in it...I deemed it the f*ckwagon ('nuf said, right?). Now I drive the Vibe...much more fun (no Corvette, to be sure, but at least one step closer than the Sienna).

I can totally see that conversation between WH and old LilSis. Gotcha, pep. Thank you for digging this up. I'll go back and read from the beginning.

LS

Well LO's idea didn't work for me. As you all know, my ex's life long dream was to by the 100 year anniversary Harley. Starting a couple of years ahead of time, we started planning and dreaming. I worked OT, and saved the money. We did without a lot of things. When they finally came out, we spent days and days looking at them.

We bought it, and I rode on it once. A week later, he was off riding into the sunset with the OW.

your X-H is a putz
(snicker ... the MB vulgar-language police does not recognize yiddish slang )

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

But it turned out okay. Now I'm thinking and planning of going to some far off tropical land, laying on the beach with a drink with lots of real fruit, watching the bronze colored, muscular boys...........

Ever see "Stella Gets Her Groove Back"?

of course I saw it

love me some Taye Diggs

How do you determine a mid life crisis? How do you know thats what caused the affair?

affairs are caused by UNprotected weaknesses and LOWERED boundaries

the adulterous OWN the affair decision ... 100%

Pep

Our priest actually said FWH was in MLC, said he saw a lot of people, not all were men but mostly men, have this. I told this to WH at the time, he thought the priest was crazy, bc the problem was all me don't you see?

Thanks for digging this up Pep, I definitely see myself brushing FWH with his dreams, I'm very practical and logical, he is a dreamer. He was in a large telecom co., lay-offs for 2 full years all around him until he got his pink slip, he knew it would eventually find him. This I think threw him into the MLC, not knowing what else to do with his life. Also, said company moved people from cubes into 2 to an office, not saying all those people had A's but you can see that 8-10 a day in small space with someone... I was also on him to find another job before he was laid off, never supported his idea to own his own biz. Enter OW, great listener, nothing to lose financially by supporting his dream emotionally, mix and stir once, perfect person ---ow, bad, unsupportive person---me!

So, after reading this I can see that there was indeed another way I could have handled it, be supportive and not lose the house, by just listening...hmm definitely something to think about. I need to learn to do this w/o judging the dream, just have fun w/it. This is excellent.

I agree with much of what LO said.

In my case, my ex-wife was in a continual crisis - and marriage to me was a big part of it. It's hard to give comfort to somebody when that somebody sees you as a sort of flaming porcupine constantly trying to hug them.

And, as another poster wrote, my ex-wife depended on me completely - and could not allow me to have any moment of weakness or illness.

Her crisis was not a MLC, because she was far from mid-life <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

-AD

Pep, thanks so much for digging up this thread.
I needed it more than you know. for me I have always been the reality bringer/dream killer, and only now do I see my WS perspective.

WS is moving out next week (having major 2nd thoughts though), buying flat screen tv, bose sound dock for ipod. all the toys. I have been feeling very jealous, afraid. instead of LBing I just ended up saying "bring out that boom box, I want to hear how great it sounds" and it did sound great, we sat for about an hour listening to it. she seemed content about it. and I got to hear it, enjoy it before OP did. now I feel like the item has sentimental value for us, not as an item to furnish the "i need to **** around pad"

my Ws has been going through a MLC for a few yrs probably, has had job lay-off, then decided to go back to school, 2nd career, not working(low self-worth), also turning 40 this year, and very close friend in his 40's was killed in a motorcycle crash. WS feels that she has everything "on paper" great home, spouse, family. knows that we had normal marriage issues that could be fixed with attention, but has not been "happy" for years and doesn't know why.

WS states that moving out is not about OP, but finding self, learning what self wants, yada yada yada. A seems to be imploding, and I am sitting by patiently watching the fireworks. WS told me last night, she doesn't know if OP has the same "values, ideas of what it means to be in a relationship" she cried after(which she never does) I hate seeing her like that, but it seems like some of the fog is burning off.

I have been in plan A and have seen some changes, but have been considering plan B. now after reading this thread I feel I need to continue plan A after the move to provide that support to her in this crisis, she is terrified of living alone. I want her to know I will be there for her.

Oh, and she LOVES cars, wants a mercedes, I always killed that dream, but now I want to be that babe!!!!!

I had an EA in the six weeks that preceeded my mother's death from brain cancer. I have no doubt that it would have become a full-fledged PA in another month or two had my mother not passed away and my world been forever ripped apart. Ironically, it was my H that I turned to after her death, not OM. I merely used OM to escape from the reality of watching my young and beautiful mother die a gruesome and horrific death.

Some BS's have asked what signs they should or should've looked for during a crisis. I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, at the final stages of my mother's illness, when I could bear it no more, I began to desperately reach out for anything that would take the pain away. I started asking my H to fix me drinks...and I don't drink. I asked him to procure us some recreational drugs... and I don't do drugs. Ultimately, though, those diversions didn't work, but falling in love with a co-worker did. The extreme high of a new love equalized the extreme low of watching a loved one die; I didn't become and alcoholic or a druggie, but, to my eternal regret, I did become a cheater.

So do I possess an inherent weakness? I don't think so. Did my crisis cause me to have an affair? I don't know. I would not have had an affair had my mother not been dying, and that is the truth. I had been having marital difficulties, but I had been having those for a couple of years, and that alone would not have caused me to have an affair. So, the formula of my affair I think is life crisis + marital strife = EA.

The whole thing is just so sad, and I am filled daily with self-loathing for what I did...my actions nearly destroyed my husband and my marriage. The realization sickens me.

Des