Well, after a last ditch effort to resolve financial issues without going to court, my husband was served divorce papers today.

He had promised to come over Saturday morning, and work on a financial agreement with me. He didn't show up. So I went ahead on Monday and gave the D papers to the sheriff to serve.

Today, WH came by and left the usual - a 3 page letter that made absolutely no sense.

He told me that I have an advantage over him because I have a good job, and can work as long as I want. What? He chose to retire, and spend his $25,000 retirement bonus on OW. He also went through another $25,000 in retirement savings. And he had another job, but decided he "didn't really want to work".

He mentioned that although I live with roommates, he doesn't want to do that. He said that his main issue now is that he needs affordable housing. He says he realizes that I don't want he and his OW living in our house, but after we divorce, he doesn't think that really matters. YIKES! He is absolutely clueless! He thinks I should be quite happy moving out and having OW move in.

He wrote that he still cares about me, but it is a little too late for honorable gestures on his part. Yep. He got that right.

He ended by saying that he has no money for a lawyer, and if I give the house to him, he is sure that we can work out the rest of the assets. Hmmmmmmmmm - there are no other assets. He has spent them all.

Anyway, I am extremely sad tonight. He really used to be a good, honorable man. People looked up to him. He was active in church and we did volunteer work together. He has turned into a man that I don't recognize. Even though I'm happy without him, it hurts to see what he has become.

Hugs Believer. It is natural to feel sad. I'm sorry.

Hey, just three more days and you get to meet some buddies at Bob's. Let that cheer you up.

This too shall pass. You'll be fine. I just know it.

Peace and blessings,
Susan

Sorry you're having a rough day. And I am sorry to say your WH sounds pitiful and pathetic...he brought this on himself...now you should give him more of what he "needs"? Believer you take care of yourself, this is his reality to wallow in. It sounds like he is a shadow of a man you once knew. I hope you continue to make a good life for yourself.I think you've earned it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

{{{{believer}}}}

You are being so strong and so brave. And you have been for so long...

Many, many hugs.

Sal

Wish we could do more to help. So sorry for the feelings this must bring to you.

You have been such a lighthouse for others, may these feeings pass, may you be able to help others for a long, long time.

SS

{{{Believer}}}

Susan -

I know it is normal to be sad. I started crying on the way home from work for no reason that I could think of. I haven't cried about all of this for over a year and a half.

Confused -

I know that he brought this on himself. And really I am taking care of me. My life is actually happy now. Just looking at the man he used to be, and the man he is now, is very troubling. I still feel some responsibility. After all, I was supposed to be his helpmate.

Sally -

I'm not strong and brave. Never have been. The Lord has carried me through this, just like he will carry you through your trial.

It sounds like reality is rising up to bite him on the backside.

Sorry you're feeling sad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Believer,

I also wish I could cheer you up somehow.

You are definitely one of the people I hope to meet in heaven.

With prayers for you, and STBXH,

ss - Just talking about it helps me. MB was what saved me, right from the beginning. I hope to be here for a long time, letting others know that they can make it through this too.

Melody - Well, I'm sad, but not nearly as sad as I would have been if I had let him move back home 2 years ago while he was still seeing the OW. Thanks for keeping me from doing THAT!!!!!!!! Sheesh, I feel better already.

Pebbles -

Unfortunately, reality is not hitting him quite yet. He had been going to our church for 20 years, and was very active in a leadership role. When I exposed to our pastors a year and a half ago, WH was asked not to come back to church until he talked to them. It didn't phase WH at all.

He still had plenty of money to go through at that time. He is 57 and OW is 40. She was a SAHM and has never worked. So as the money runs out, I think WH will get a taste of reality. But it hasn't happened yet.

Aphelion - I will always be grateful for prayers. And please pray for my WH - that he could once again be the man he was.

believer,


Sixteen years ago when mom passed, total strangers formed a long line in a hospital corridor waiting to to pay respects and hug me, crying all the time. The most bereaved were the triage staff, people who see death every day. They cried the most bitter tears when I could only sit in shock, not crying, not understanding why - why did these strangers mourn someone they'd never even met? One triage nurse, another a stranger, took time to try and explain even though I was wood...

There are people who touch us with their presence. People who are fighters and brave spirits. People who find internal strength in the worst of situations. People who touch our lives by their very existence.

I believe that YOU are one of those people. Perhaps you don't see it in yourself? I am blessed for having you - a 'virtual' stranger, around to enrich my life. You live your example. Many of us see this in you and we are grateful. Yes, God is good! But God also gives us FREE WILL. God gives, but we have to be willing to accept the gift.

For a long time I thought that every person strived to overcome hardship and that every person found a blessing somewhere, and would be a blessing to someone no matter what. Sadly, that isn't so. Not everybody chooses, as you have, to be joyous instead of bitter! Not everyone is so generous to share their wisdom and spirit so selflessley.

You know, God provided manna in the desert, and it was a miracle, but we still had to gather it up! You gather, and then you share with all of us.

Sally

well said sally

{{{{Believer}}}}}

Believer,

I am so sorry that you had to go through this today. I really feel you are an inspiration to all of us here. You have made me feel better when I thought no one could. Be happy in life and good things will come to you.

Yes, what Sally said. B, I can't wait to give you a hug IRL. I will pray for your WH and you.

Sally -

Well you know I always love your writing. I'm so sorry for all of the pain you have been through - too much for such a young woman.

Wish I did have internal strength. I am stronger, but mostly the Lord has been dragging me through this. At first, I had a HUGE crisis of faith. I turned away from the Lord. But HE was faithful as always, and there for me.

Hurting - You are doing very, very well. Much better than I ever did. Hang in there. I think good things are going to happen in your marriage.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Believer}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

This too, shall pass.

Best wishes,
SD

Believer,

STAY FAAAARRRR AWAY FROM THAT BOY!!

He is sooo bad news.

k

SD - I know that this will pass. Hope it will pass soon.

krusht - Don't worry. This has been going on for almost 3 years. I am over him, and I mean completely. He has been bad news for the last 3 years. But I am still doing a lot of soul searching today.

B
You have been such a blessing to me on my journey I don't have words.

That your WH does not consider it a privilege to have you as his wife is a sign of his delusion IMO.

It is to your credit that you mourn the man he was, rather than condemn the man he has become.

I pray earnestly that you do not consider the good years you had with WH wasted. They are not wasted any more than a bottle of champagne is wasted because it is all drunk.

Here's to your future, B. and your GOOD, Good heart.