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and not just the love I have for pep... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
lets talk about the word love from a WS.........
It is my opinion that WS are so far removed from what love really is and means.....
that when they use it ...it hold very little value if any...
here's what I told hurtinokla
when she spoke of the pain that follows when a WS says they don't LOVE you...
because I don't love you anymore.(said her WS) Ark I feel so hurt by those words because he has said them to me 5 times in the last month.
here's what I told her........
those words hurt...yet they are as empty and meainingless as him using the words I LOVE you...with the OP
WS are so far removed from love really is...love is NOT a feeling...it's not..it's ACTION...and the feelings of love and loving follow actions...
and the real actions of LOVE are
honor
respect
honesty
dignity
and being a better for someone else...
that's why the word love...
either saying to an OP
or with-holding it from a spouse..
HAVE NO MEANING....
Ofcourse he doesn't love you ...he doesn't act loving..
infact if he says it again I would say....
Why are you telling me this?
Or say.
Well ofcourse you don't love me...you have shown that in your actions....
don't power struggle it...
babble it back....
even try..
well that's good you don't love me...cause that explains how you are able to treat me.....
it would be scary if you said you did love and treated me as you do......
there is NO logical reason or point to tell someone you don't love them..
it is attention seeking babble....
the word love from a WS in any shape or form unless referring to the love of chocolate is wasted words....
they have no concrete definition of the word and have changed and manipulated it fit their agenda....
and it doesn't fit anywhere else in the world...
tree...this post is for you as well...your zenseeking alien...uses it with you...but it has about as much meaning as a conspiracy theory surrounding WATS dissapearance...which I am beging to believe is true...
infact..
I am more convinced that aliens did get WAT than I am convinced that a WS know what love is....
ARK
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and the real actions of LOVE are
honor
respect
honesty
dignity
and being a better for someone else... And commitment. Please do not forget commitment. (The WS is committed to no one...only committed to selfishness and that is NOT love.) Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and not just the love I have for pep... P.S. Pep ~ if we ever decide to ditch our husbands and take up with women, would you have me? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Last edited by Susan; 08/04/05 11:32 AM.
Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
~ Kinky Friedman
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Phooey ARK.I was all jazzed up to talk about love but then I see it's about the word love from a a WS.blah That's an oxymoron isn't it?? I do agree there is an alien consipracy.Not only WAT is missing but many *other MB folks too.hmmmm......... Time for lunch. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
BW(me)40
DDay 10/11/03
Divorcing
'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1
~Let Higher Minds Prevail~
---------------
~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
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ark^^,
Since these are empty words coming from a WS, then couldn't you argue that it would be pointless to tell a WS that they are loved since the meaning has been distorted?
Or would they associate love from BS if it was accompanied with loving actions?
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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I wouldnt waste much telling a WS that I love them.. it will irk them...unless you want to irk them..then I would yell it.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> you show a WS true loving ACTIONS because the vipors they coil with don't know what it is either and someone has to model it in action.... and know that they sometimes can't even see loving actions not at first... ...except for those deeper parts that come alive at the end of a day....right before sleep takes you over....where you have that feeling that all is well within you and within the Christ in you.... and you drift off to sleep... KNOWING that you have done your best to live a loving life in your deeds and actions... WS are very sleep deprived people... because deep deep down they kNOW what they do is wrong.... and peaceful easy feelings are shallow reflections only and the mantra of not loving someone on some levels is correct for they don't act loving... and on another level...it is a tiny part of Shakespearian wisdom.. I believe thou does protest too much... for what is the POINT of telling someone you don't love them... there is NONE............................ ark
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couldn't you argue that it would be pointless to tell a WS that they are loved since the meaning has been distorted? Yes ... because you can SHOW them you love them with Plan A. Hey!!!! I loooove any thread that says "I love Pep" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
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crossposting with Ark is fun...
I said the same things with fewer words ---> I WIN!
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i said the same as you pep...with more typos... when is April fools day again...I will have enable my spell checker... who should I be this year.. so many choices..so little time... ARK <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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susan you can't marry pep...
cause she would always want to WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Since these are empty words coming from a WS, then couldn't you argue that it would be pointless to tell a WS that they are loved since the meaning has been distorted?
Or would they associate love from BS if it was accompanied with loving actions? HTW I did exactly that. Squids affair and use of it to OM devalued the currency of the phrase to both Squid and myself during early recovery. I started saying what I MEANT not using the catch-all of 'ILY': i care for you, I like you when you're funny; I am happy when you invets time in me etc etc. I also withdrew anything but platonic touch and affection. again even OM could offer a facsimile of 'love' in touch. ( while looking dessing and smelling GORGEOUS BW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) i concentrated instead on REALLY loving Squid : avoiding LBs , meeting ENs, supporting, consoling, reverse babbling, compensating from her foulness with the kids etc etc. I firmly believe that WS have only peripheral vision. When they stare at their BS or OP they see only what their mind skews. But out of the edge of their direct consciousness they see the truth. Truth was OM was cake eating at an olympic standard talking comitment to her while feathering his next at home. I was avoiding grand love talk but ACTUALLY INVESTING unreserved patience and care in Squid. Guess what ? She chose me ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I win.
MB Alumni
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So can we apply the same logic when our WS tells us that they feel hate for us now? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Another great thread from you ARK. I agree with you on that 'love' is not a feeling. A lot of people (including my H!!!!!!) confuse love with passion. Love is what you do, it is a choice. But when Plan A does not work or your spouse does not even ALLOW you to do Plan A, then what? Would Plan B work for "love-greedy" "love addicted" "feeling-central" "passion craving" individuals?
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I also withdrew anything but platonic touch and affection. again even OM could offer a facsimile of 'love' in touch. ( while looking dessing and smelling GORGEOUS BW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ) This is exactlyt what I have done also recently. She can't except my actions of love that way right now so I have withdrawn them. I will occasionally touch or brush by her, but not in a sexual way, just to let her know that I am there in a non-threatening way.[/quote] i concentrated instead on REALLY loving Squid : avoiding LBs , meeting ENs, supporting, consoling, reverse babbling, compensating from her foulness with the kids etc etc. I firmly believe that WS have only peripheral vision. When they stare at their BS or OP they see only what their mind skews. But out of the edge of their direct consciousness they see the truth. Truth was OM was cake eating at an olympic standard talking comitment to her while feathering his next at home. I was avoiding grand love talk but ACTUALLY INVESTING unreserved patience and care in Squid. Guess what ? She chose me ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I win. My WW only sees the pain and hurt that I have caused her over the course of our marriage. She won't acknoledge all the good we had. It's really facinating to see. Her mind has been programmed to only see to bad. I hope this changes. I am modeling my approach after yours and other on this great site.
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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So can we apply the same logic when our WS tells us that they feel hate for us now? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Do you have a WS that is saying "I hate you!" ? When words don't line up with the behaviors ... something is disconnected.
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PS to HopeThisWorks
"I hate you"
... now, doesn't that just reek of a 5-year-old who needs a nap or a time out?
Does she stomp her feet too? ... and cross her arms and roll her eyes?
... regression to an earlier more childish level of (ahem) "maturity" ... is typical for the foggy-headed WS.
Be kind. She's so lost.
Imagine how it feels to be a mature normal 5-year-old ---> in a grown up's body!
Yikes!
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"Imagine how it feels to be a mature normal 5-year-old ---> in a grown up's body!"
Oh now I feel so so sorry for my H....
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ark:
I think we all understand what the WS means when they say $hi+ like "I love you but I'm not in love with you." It's because they believe that love is a feeling(centered below the beltline), rather than a choice (centered between the ears).
And so, though it makes sense, the following is also true of the WS and the OP: "I'm in love with you, but I don't love you."
Wouldn't it be cool if they'd say that 2 one another!?
-ol' 2long (qfwfq at iloveulove dot com)
P.S. I found WAT. He asked if you have an email address I could pass his on 2.
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And so, though it makes sense, the following is also true of the WS and the OP: "I'm in love with you, but I don't love you."
Wouldn't it be cool if they'd say that 2 one another!? ...or, as my H said to OW, "I can't live without you, but I can't stand to live with you either." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
"Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people." - Spencer Johnson
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PS to HopeThisWorks
"I hate you"
... now, doesn't that just reek of a 5-year-old who needs a nap or a time out?
Does she stomp her feet too? ... and cross her arms and roll her eyes?
... regression to an earlier more childish level of (ahem) "maturity" ... is typical for the foggy-headed WS.
Be kind. She's so lost.
Imagine how it feels to be a mature normal 5-year-old ---> in a grown up's body!
Yikes! Pep, when my WW said that to me immediately following exposure, I simply replied in a calm and loving voice "sometimes I hate myself...for loving you as much as I do". WW didn't respond. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Married 10 years, Legally Seperated Aug 2,2006 1 year of Plan A followed by 1 year of Plan B... ...now stepping towards recovery????? BH 37(me), WW 35, DB 7 & DD 5 My Story My struggle with an EA
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Great response!!! Love it!
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