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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016 |
That is why you do it in a loving way.
You don't ask him for "proof".
"Hi Honey. I'd like to ask to have a look at your cell phone bills ffrom May-now (or whenever).
You told me you would not have any more contact with "her".
I know we are working towards a much better marriage & I know you are committed and you want me to trust you.
It's not that I think you are contacting "her" (do you?) but it would definitely ease my anxiety I am having about this issue."
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,204
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,204 |
By asking him for proof ie: cell phone records
would I be rocking the boat and making him go on the defensive? If you guys are in recovery and he has nothing to hide, then asking in a way that is no D or LB isn't a problem. I do it with my H. You are looking for honesty. I was under the impression you still felt the A was taking place?
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,823
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,823 |
Okay, it's his business with his brother's, well that's not a very big business then....I thought maybe he worked for a corporation or something.
There is no way to get ahold of an invoice??? Not even an old one?
You can try asking him, I mean you can't expect to be on the honor system already.
He shouldn't be upset, if he doesn't have anything to hide......
Can you call Telus and say you work there too?? Tell them that you wish to set up the account online as well as getting paper copies of the bill???
-Caren
Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.
BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106 |
No...the A apparently ended last year. With OW finally leaving the business on her own in August (she took a mental leave of absence...FWH never took her back)
I found out when we were trying for baby 3 through fertility treatments that I had two STD's.
I had to contact OW. She returned my call with a number I thought I had seen on my FWH's cell once. He told me that couldn't be true because he wanted nothing to do with her since August.
We are on the long road to recovery. It just dawned on me that I should check his records to make sure.
I might of found another way...
by going to mms.telusmobility.com
they will send my FWH a text message on his cell with his password...I can than gain some access there...
I will try it tonight. If all else fails...I'll call telus in the pm...and get his account info.
Thanks for all your help and support!
BW (Me) 32
WH 43
D-Day 5/25
DS-9
DS-3
In recovery with the help of God and many Angels.
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016 |
I might of found another way...
by going to mms.telusmobility.com
they will send my FWH a text message on his cell with his password...I can than gain some access there...
I will try it tonight. If all else fails...I'll call telus in the pm...and get his account info. Why not keep everything above the table & just asking him (as you first asked about?)
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106 |
I decided to just come out and ask him.
(anyhow, the call I saw was months ago...accordingly telus doesn't keep online records this far)
He says, he has nothing to hide and would bring all the records I want home (which made me feel awful...but relieved)
Thank you all for the wonderful advice and support!
You are all the best!!!
BW (Me) 32
WH 43
D-Day 5/25
DS-9
DS-3
In recovery with the help of God and many Angels.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,204
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,204 |
Awesome Pure! You did the right thing in the end. Sorry I hadn't encouraged you to do it. I was under the assumption until further down the thread that he was hiding things.
Sounds like you guys are having a great start to recovery!
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106 |
Dorry,
it's a bumpy road. FWH is doing everything right. I seem to be obsessed with details (like things about OW) ect..
I just pray to get a grip on myself so that I don't push him away.
Thanks for all the help and support!
BW (Me) 32
WH 43
D-Day 5/25
DS-9
DS-3
In recovery with the help of God and many Angels.
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016 |
Now don't apologize or tell him you feel bad about asking him.
When you apologize, you are saying it's something you shouldn't have done.
Simply thank him for helping you to set your mind at rest.
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