Caren, I don't know if I can remember the whole thing, it was about 3 pages. But maybe later I will try to post what I can remember. I sent a letter to his grandfather today too exposing what is going on. They knew there were problems but not to what extent. I seriously just pray about this everyday, that even if our marriage never works out again H will be happy and not be living like this.

I tried talking to my MIL last night on her cell phone but got cut off when she lost service. So I will talk to her in person this morning before they leave to head back. I don't want all the gory details of their conversation because it may be too painful. But the little bit I got from her last night was, when I asked her if my H wanted to pursue a serious relationship with this ow and she told me no. She said my H said he knows he is no angel, then she got cut off! I just want to get a feel from her what his mental state is right now, etc. and if he read my letter.

I will post more later after I have spoken with his family and everyone has left. mlhb oh, and thanks for being so encouraging caren, I am just too worn and too skeptical to get too excited anymore. Too many false hopes. I don't even really think in terms of saving the marriage, I think in terms of changing me and my ways and praying for H to please snap out of this unhealthy behaviour, and of babysteps. If after all is said and done at whatever point and time that is H wants to work on us I will be ready.

mlhb-

That's actually exactly the way you should be looking at it. I can tell you are tired and that your love bank is dangerously close to being empty.....that's why I was suggesting plan B.

Mortarman is the plan B czar, he can guide you in that area.

Lemme know how it went with your MIL....I'm dying to know what she said to him and visa versa.

-Caren

Hi Caren. Well, my MIL couldn't tell me too much because my FIL told her to not get in the middle. She can talk to me or him but not relay information. I guess my H opened right up to her. He did read my letter in front of her so that is good. I look at the letter now though and do not think it was really a plan B just a letter that said some final things I wanted to say to him. So I am still Plan Aing. She got the feeling from him this thing with ow is just sex and that he is not pursuing a relationship with her. he doesn't plan to have the kids anywhere near her. he doesn't want our marriage (well, hello, he has been in a fog for 2 years now with other women so I think that is all that talk is) but he I doubt will pursue a sep or divorce, he won't cough up that money. She said he doesn't hate me. His #1 priority is his kids right now. He has asked for his bible! he is going to iraq in january and combat training in september, he is scared now the reality has set in. he has to make a will, etc. I am praying big time now. And the kids and I will set an example for him by returning to church. She told me right now the best thing I can do is just keep making the positive changes, keep taking care of myself, take good care of the kids. Be positive in front of h. compliment him, just be positive not pushy or needy. basically plan A stuff right?

That's about all I got from her. She said when he is in Iraq to just keep the kids in touch with him and maybe add a note like "we all love you" or "we all support you" etc... and by this fall i will be back to my goal weight and dressing sexy so look out!

all in all I feel more positive today. It is still hard as I do not know the future at all. But I can work with this I think. mlhb