Wow, Peachy, I already voted for your XH for the WWS award (Worst Wayward Spouse), and now he's outdone himself, topped his own record, he's the Lance Armstrong of WS's!

Sorry you had to see those pictures. The visuals are hard to forget.

I don't know about you, but I hate to hear ugly stories about my STBX. I guess I want to preserve some good memories of the 18 years we spent together. When I hear or am reminded of some of the things he did or is doing, it's harder to believe he was ever the man I thought or hoped he was. It's sad to think that man might never have really existed.

Oh Peachy,

I just read your latest story. That is awful.

I wish for your sake that she would have just told you about the pics instead of showing you.

I pretty much feel I'm over my x, but something like that would pull some triggers for sure.

I'm sorry for you that he is who he is. I'm sure your mind doesn't stop wandering on this one.

I think you are doing right by sitting back and letting the pieces fall.
He just may have pulled the big one this time!

Take care,
Karona

Peachy,

Wow. First of all, let me say - I realize you didn't contact her, and that this was a chance meeting. Though in retrospect, you should have refused to look at the photos when you realized what they were, but in the middle of a situation like that, without any advance preparation, it can be hard to think clearly.

But this encounter should underscore to you how important it is not to be in contact with FV. Not because of the legal reasons, though those are excellent reasons too.

No, you should steer as clear of her as possible because it seems clear to me that she is still truly a WS, even if she did marry Darth. Why do I say that? Because she isn't acting like a woman who has seen that her chickens have come home to roost. And she isn't acting like a betrayed wife. It seems obvious to me that she is all about the drama. She's one of the OWs that truly thrive on the turmoil and drama, and she doesn't really care what form that drama takes. If she weren't, she wouldn't have felt the need to show you the photos. My XH pulled a whole lot on me, serial affairs and the like, but if I'd found anything like that, I would have been embarrassed. I probably would have told ONLY my closest friends that have supported me through the separation and divorce about them, but I would never have subjected them to looking at them.

She's a drama queen. She wants to draw you back in. I don't know why some people get pleasure out of causing turmoil in others' lives, but some do. The phrase to remember is "Thank you for letting me know. I don't wish to hear details/see pictures/etc., but thank you for keeping me apprised of the situation."

And Darth.... well, fortunately, staying clear of Darth goes without saying, huh? I feel for you. I've lived through a lot of the same kind of stuff with my XH (though I would never have believed I would say this, but Darth is clearly far worse than my XH). It's rough, I know.

I have a different take on FV's behavior with the photos - she still sees Peach as a threat - she still wants Jethro/Darth/Satan to herself and knows he is still carrying a torch for Peach - so she decided to poison the possibility that Peach would want JDS back.

FV hasn't learned to play nice yet.

Kayla is unfortunately right...FV is definitely NOT my friend.

Ex: Yesterday I phoned her to find out about my son's birthday party time. My xh paid for party and all the stuff there (his year) except for cake, favors, and fun stuff I am bringing. I always do that. FV told me the party was from 4-6 pm on sunday august 27...well there is no sunday august 27. either sat., august 27 or sunday august 28.

I call her knowing what she said, that darth was to be outta town in hilton head just living it up. Instead, HE answered her cell phone. And acted very smug and sarcastic at hearing MY voice. I repeated the very scenario very businesslike to him. I said that she told me this. He said "FV would have never told you the wrong date. You must be mistaken. It is saturday the 27."

Again, I have been placed as the enemy...in that position. And obviously, she has had her message sent. That she is in fact, with darth at hilton head. And from the looks of things, she's once again backed down on her words of professed strength and independence...and is in it for the $$$ and is definitely my enemy. Yea, I am still the threat in her life I suppose.

Which means...

FV will for the second time allow her "family" (including her dad who was an abusive WS) stepmom, and sis and their whole inbred group to come to my son's party. It makes me wanna puke.

So I am sticking to my original plans for this life of mine. I am going to stay very dark. Not talk to any or either of them. They're close to the edge of sanity anyway. I am not gonna let them get their jollies by uniting against me again. I am gonna let them love bust, and when it does happen for the last time, when darth goes off and freaks out again, hitting on a barely past teenager or something, and when fV freaks out trying to win him back using her very sickening passive aggressive techniques...I will NOT answer the phone...just record any messages or print any emails she sends...and just ignore her until it winds its way into a court of law. Then, I will have my attorneys petition for change of custody, and call FV as a hostile witness and make her sing like a bird...about darths' adulteries, physical abuse, lies, drug use, as well as her own. I can't trust this woman at all.

And to think I actually forgave her and thought she was trying to do the right thing with her life and escape this person. I still do forgive her though. Her life has been so messed up, no wonder she ended up like she has. And that is sad. I continue to pray for the baby.

Pray for me and my son ok? And I am going on call beginning monday. Son goes back to Darth wednes. after school. So pray that I do NOT get called in to hospital either monday or tuesday night as I have no backup support for my son. If this happens again, it means I bringson with me to hospital, put him in ultrasound room around corner from my exam rooms, and let him sleep in there until I am done.

I hate this life as a single mom. Not all the time, but definitely sometimes. It's you 100 percent of the time when it's your time. No affair partner there to lift the burdens.

He he he. My sarcasm is coming back...

But then again, I think FV is there to only lift Darth's wallet.

Lmao!

Oh and must add...

Yes, FV is angling for the money right now. She thinks he owes her. OWES HER? Like he doesn't owe ME? She's planned these skin bleaching stuff for her many freckles already. And is wanting to get some plastic surgery too...

so yes, once an ow...mostly always an ow they will remain.

Gutter living, gold digging, man-stealing, it's all about me and taking what's yours, woman.

Grrrr.

Sarcastic and mad right now.

And what she will get next weekend at son's party. Same as last year. LEt's serve her some more of that cake shall we? I will be quiet, distant, and decent. Stay near nobody except my son. I will look fabulous, and as always appear intelligent.

It will make her freak out again once more. and I will stand back, do nothing, say nothing, and let the lovebirds (bleech, groan, stomach gurgle,) fight amongst themselves. But she'd better not do it during party time or on same day as she did last year.

{{{{Peachy}}}}

Remember, forgiveness is only for YOU, not for her. Resentment is like taking poison expecting the other person to die.

FV doesn't have any recovery, like we do in MB, whether we're FBS, FWS, or FOP. I agree with your decision to keep your distance until something happens, which it's bound to sooner or later, unfortunately.

Can you bring a friend or family member with you to the party so you have someone there for support? From the way things have been going, it sounds like anything could happen...

I will try to...my best friend, she's working 2w jobs n ow...she's a teacher and is also a new grad from broadcasting school...so she is working saturday. I am going to simply be there, am friends with many of the moms in the class, many of whom are fully aware of the sitch at hand, so I will not feel alone. Plus I carry my faith w/me.

And I am sorry, I was angry at the moment. AFter a lovely birthday for his classmate (skating party) at which my son and I both roller skated, I feel renewed. We had a blast! Ate a nice dinner together afterward, and are gonna walk our dogs tonight and watch agent cody banks 2 and have a teeny little birthday slice for just us 2 to celebrate son's birthday (really in 4 days from now). So we are fine.

I just have to remember what it is I can control vs. what I cannot control. But I will not let them get best of me at all. And unfortunately, when I do absolutely nothing like I did last year, FV will freak out. I think it's becaue she is not in control. She is the ow/w and many folks there know it despite her bringing her clan w/her and toting the baby along...they all know and her secret is NOT a secret among my friends.

Guess it is the real struggle for legitimacy. I don't and will never consider an affair marriage truly legit...unless you mean do I regard the marriage in a legal sense? Yes, according to the law...but otherwise nah.

I know sadly that I can't help somebody who doesn't want to help themselves. Reminds me of my patient I saw on thursday. This guy didn't want to come see me in the first place (had cancer, no insurance, and was in denial). He denied it all. And complained about back pain and leg pain all during the exam...and it was at the end of the exam when I noticed his foot...was not normal size. Quite swollen. Asked him to show it to me, and lo and behold! He had a huge about six inch necrotic area w/2 giant bite=like marks , could be fang marks imho...asked him what bit him...he replied "I think I got bitten by a mosquite". I said "what, the 20 foot amazonian mosquito with fangs?" I told him that he felt warm, probably was running fever, and that his muscle aches and pains were most likely due to venom of some kind in his system...couldn't treat him, but sent him off to the e.r. for further evaluation around the corner...You so want to help people but sometimes they do not want to help themselves...in fact, some RESENT you for doing it.

That's FV. But then again, like a crafty fox or thief, she did NOT have any reservations about helping break up a marriage at all...and did NOT have any reservation about moving in with a married guy under same roof sometimes with his son when it was visitation time...and lying whole time saying she had an apartment. She's quite the accomplished little liar.

I think most likely these two should be condemned to a life together...Miserable yes, but together. Two birds of a feather if you ask me. Both love money. Both will do whatever it takes or remove whatever stands in their way to get it. Both have dark hair and fake veneers on their teeth. And have been accused of being sis and brother by passers-by. I think I have the best deal. Being healthy and alone. Without fake veneers. And dyed black hair. I prefer my imperfect teeth and blonde hair I've had since birth. As my son has. Niether has had a degree past high school. They are perfect and complement each other great! She (imho...) cheated on him as per her comments about talking to a divorced doctor she met at a bar (she told me this 3 weeks ago...a Dr. Brad) and boated away with some other people in the bahamas 2 weeks ago after busting Darth...and he's cheated time and again on her. I think their cycle of sickness is best served on each other...as sentences for their crimes.

Yea I am [email]p@ssed.[/email] Who wouldn't be? I have learned a valuable lesson though.

I will do my best to let this anger pass and not enter my system again. I did forgive her and will continue working on ME to continue that part. Again, they have to serve this marriage/affair sentence out together until death...or somebody more wealthy/cute/younger/more plastically enhanced comes along. And it won't be too much longer in this "sentence" they're serving. I will just sit back. Remain quiet. and keep the attorneys informed as things change in the near future.

I just hate this for my son. I wanted it over quick b/c I wanted to spare him more of revolving doors of women, FV's narcissistic temper tantrums, and to get this thing done. Honestly, I think most affair marriages will self destruct for the simple nature of their conception: lies and deceit. If that's your marriage base, what is your house built on? A helluva shaky foundation. Do I want to see them fail? HOnestly yes. But I hope it makes them think a whole lot before making the mistake to remarry again so quickly. I hope both learn a lesson from it.

Oh yea...and knowing how darth once compared the homemaking abilities (whatever) of his first wife (diagnosed with ocd and bullemia), I know that he's comparing FV to me. and most likely telling her how I'd want him back...she told me that he said this...yada yada yada.

I think that she is still thinking she's got to do things against me...that she's still not happy in her shoes. And this is why the change of direction.

Then again, my theory of once an ow. always an ow stands.

Peach - I'd recommend taperecording FV's phone messages and conversations - and then take them to your attorney to plan and strategize a change in custody without her cooperation. If you had recordings of her last revelations and the photos, you'd be sitting just right for supervised visitation about now.

great point....am gonna do it. she has been amazingly quiet now for about a week...hmmm. me thinks it's the money!

Had HUUUUGE disagreement w/Darth...

The nanny he'd hired to take my son to school, did NOT show up this morning. And I was late for work as a result of waiting for somebody that never showed up. She claimed she had a misunderstanding of when to be at my home...whatever.

Darth ended up and coming over to my home to pick up my son who's been sick. My son's 7th birthday is tomorrow. He came over, was cursing at me over my cellphone (thank God son did NOT hear it). Then he calmed down.

Later today on way home from work...Darth calls and says "I want to ask you something. NEVER discuss our past with anybody else. It is NOT their business. I say to not discuss my past with anybody else it is not their business. He says that 'WHATEVER HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU AND I HAPPENED IN THE PAST...LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED...OR WHAT I DID...BUT LET'S JUST TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE AND BE DECENT."

then he lets on that one morning, the early morning nanny he hired heard me as I was cleaning up make a supposed sarcastic comment about my being a single mom. Well hello! I have NO nanny. He is bound to pay for all expenses related to school and this is his hair brained idea...He wanted my son to sleep in an extra hour so he'd be less tired by end of day (I had dropped son off at 6:30 am for before school care at his school...)Darth claimed that time was too early. then he said "I KNOW THAT FV HAS DISCUSSED SOME PERSONAL THINGS WITH YOU ABOUT WELL..ME AND THIS IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS..." I SAID THAT IT'S A SHAME SHE'S SUCH A SNAKE TALKING ABOUT YOU LIKE THAT...

So that's the game FV is playing...VILLIFY ME...when it's SHE WHO IS THE HOUSEWRECKER. I believe she truly is scared that 1)Darth doesn't want her anymore and 2)that she is losing control over what little control she has within her "supposed affair household" and 3)she's insanely jealous of me...the woman who tried to help her and prayed with her...more than one time...and even 2 years ago when she lied to me so badly about NOT being pregnant and saying even then she was sorry for sleeping with my then husband.

I told Darth that I do not have people monitoring my own behavior in my own home, and if he wants to hire a nanny to be a parrot, or a tape recorder, then I will be gladly to use my own one that I've got so I can tape my own words so he can gleefully listen to my words over and over and over and over...

He lost it.

He did and said the QUEEN MOTHER OF WORDS TO ME....and to think that today, seven years ago today, I lay in a hospital room...having already been there for five days...half in and out of consciousness...bp in stroke zone that long...being in an induced labor for 24 hours at this point...at one point they were worried about losing me...and then being rushed out as my vitals were dropping to an emergency c section to give birth to his son...

This man...this horrible man called me a C **t.

NOBODY CALLS THIS LADY A C**T AS LONG AS I AM ALIVE!

My eyes filled with tears. I do n't love him anymore. But on the day before my son's birthday, I heard these words again. Why does this man thrive on drama before my son's birthday parties? Why? Does it cause him trauma too?

He then tried to call me back and the fogese was imaginable...he said "What has happened with you and I is in the past. Let's move on and let's just be good to one another ok?" He said more fog crapola...but I told him that his x C**t wife, me, did NOT deserve to be called that...and he said "well I placed the nanny I know in a precarious position...I told her it would be difficult emotionally to work for not one wife, but the x wife and ...HERE'S THE FUN PART...

Darth said "and to work FOR HIS PRESENT WIFE." I giggled when he said that. He said why are you laughing? It sounds mean. I said "YOU JUST CALLED HER YOUR PRESENT WIFE...?" He then got mad and called me a M-F. I said, that's what he is. literally... I then said I don't like being controlled passively and my words being jot down by a 19 year old so called nanny person...I said I'd compile a work of my favorite sayings, curse words, and speeches I have orated to Darth if he'd like to have them.


I cried but then I got mad again.

It's so obvious they need somebody...someone...to divert...DIVERT THEMSELVES FROM THEIR OWN ANGUISH AND PERSONAL MISERY THEY CAUSED BY MARRYING ONE ANOTHER...He said it...I did not. It was so bizarrely hilarious...hearing my very wayward xh call his so wonderfully perfect wife 'THE PRESENT WIFE"...As if her space is not permanent. His words verbatum.

So it's the spin and blame game from FV...trying to turn on me as I thought she would do. I do not fear her. I told darth he should BETTER CHOOSE HIS ALLEGIANCES WISELY IN THE FUTURE...and that I was not his enemy...I am no one's enemy. But I AM THE ENEMY of those who do not respect a family.

I am angrier than ever right now...soooo mad I can't see straight!

Oh...forgot to add, I told him that he must have me mistaken with SOME OTHER WIFE OF HIS...as NOBODY SWEARS AT ME like that...

He tried calling back and yet apologizing and I hung up on him. I will not listen to a man spewing garbage at me WHO HAS A SICK CONSCIENCE OBVIOUSLY...SO MUCH THAT FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS ON THE EVE OR THE DAY OF MY SON'S BIRTH...THAT HE HATES HIMSELF SO MUCH FOR WHAT HE DID...FOR WHAT ALL HE GAVE UP...THAT HE HAS TO SHOW UTMOST HATRED TO ME...a woman who honored her marriage. Who was a good wife.

I see it now. He wants to steal every good memory I have. Or else he's so miserable himself now, that he can't be happy anywhere he turns. He's tried multiple women, FV, monkeyho, his realtor (female), x, drinking, partying, spending money like water.

And yet this man wonders what it takes to be happy? I am gonna let you guys in on a secret...WS SEEK OUT OP BECAUSE THEY REFUSE TO BELIEVE THEY NEED TO FIRST FIX THEMSELVES BEFORE THEY CAN FIND OR DISCOVER TRUE HAPPINESS IN LIFE.

And my xh wrecks everybody in his path...my son, me, our marriage and family, the life of this precious little girl he fathered, ...I don't count FV anymore..SHE IS A TRAINWRECK IN HER OWN RIGHT...and SHE WILL GET WHAT SHE DESERVES.

Their sentence? A marriage license. Created and signed 3 days after the death of mine.

This weekend at the party, I am gonna hope and pray that my buddy will be able to go w/me to the party again and that she's not working. If I am alone, I will focus only on my son, pray, watch my words carefully, and have little if any interaction with FV or Darth or any side of that "family". It is my little secret that I will stand back knowing that these two people, trying hard to "fit in" as a decent, married couple, are in fact 2 of the most dysfunctional people I have ever dreamed of or ever met. I will stand back, be there 10000 percent for my child, and smile a knowingly little smile that "hey you two...I've got your number."

Isn't it funny how KNOWING THE TRUTH GIVES YOU CONTROL? And PEACE TOO.

I did all I could do. I tried to de-rail that train wreck that was coming. Even laid down on the track myself. But in the end, I saved myself.

And in time I will save my son from this also.

Know their marriage is in the end of days now. Not much longer. It's got DNR status...do not recuscitate. And it's coding...just a matter of time until it's back on life support again. And I will wait, pray, and be patient until the proper time comes for me and my attorney to do what is needed to be best for the interest of my child.

Peach - promise me you'll go pick up a book and read it real slow - "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Ruiz.

He's pulled you back into his drama. Exit stage right immediately. Have your attorney send him notification that his contact with his son has been reduced to arrangements thru 3rd parties until x behaves and minds his mouth, consistently.

The only way you can save your son from the insanity is to keep a cooler unengaged head than your x wants you to have. Abusive language has a way of getting your attention. But don't for a minute take his slutty language personally - it's not about you and never was.

Promise me you'll read the book - I wish every betrayed spouse would read it - it would relieve a ton of pain with practice.

I gotta agree on you absoluting needing to disengage from the x and his new "family".

You went against your boundaries by just talking to FV, and look where it's gotten you? Back on that freakin' roller coaster ride. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Keep things civil, keep things legal, and for the most part, just keep away from them.

Karen

Peachy, there's something in the air with the X's this week.

Stop getting drawn into the drama. I told X last night that unless he could speak to me respectfully I would terminate the telephone call (about DD's health symptoms). He asked when he could call back. I said, "when you can speak respectfully to me."

Don't take it, don't stay on the phone. The issues can get resolved at a later time. Disengage.

JP,

I came out of my break on MB to reiterate what the others have said and also remind you about the posts given to you before.All this pain and ridiculous drama going on is because you pick up the phone and talk to your wacko EX.You can keep allowing that to happen or do what I do and don't *speak to the STBXH at all except for brief *e-mails(in my case,about the D going on).You remind me of another well known MB'er here that does the same thing and wonders why she is always so upset.

You should never, ever have allowed the new wifey homewrecker to call you or even contemplate what she has to say or feel.That was a BIG mistake.Nor should you be listening to the foul mouthed spiel of the EX.The new "marriage" of EX and homewrecker will implode but let it happen on it's own,in due time.Don't be involved,please.It's beneath you to be a part of that sick situation and you are just letting yourself back into the triangle of doom.Pull out.

Lastly,if I may say so,I have read your posts a long time,maybe take a look,in depth at why you still keep in contact with this man.It's not because of your son.I have 2 kids of my own and do not see or speak with my WH at all(only e-mails).It's amazing how calm my life is not having the selfish,adultering liar in it anymore.It's a CHOICE to have it either way.

Take care~

O

Not all X's will email.
Mine won't.

I have to have some contact w/him b/c of the party this weekend. Other than that, it will be by email from me for now on.

He's a master manipulator this guy...during the weeks he was not living with FV and in a hotel...he once called and said "don't worry about downsizing in a year or two...I can help you work something out." He's all about manipulating everybody in his life...and me too.

Will stay out and just do as I know they will do...implode.

When I but out, they love bust and it will probably end...as my prediction says...within 6 mos.

He can't stand that he's losing control of me even more. And he hates fact I have his number.