H's XW (she married OM) has lived several states away entire 9yrs of our marriage. We got 2 SS's the entire summer and half of Christmas holidays until oldest was 16 and moved in w/us. I think the distance made it easier to deal with XW. There were several times I disagreed with her over the years but the distance gave me time to think before I picked up the phone. It has been hard to participate in SS's lives, even though people have commented that H is a better father than some that live with their kids. However, there have been some incidents (learned after the fact) over the years that I'm glad we didn't know about when they happened. The youngest SS still views our house as a place to visit and expects to be entertained. With a long time period between visits kids have to relearn (or retest) all the house rules whenever they visit so the first week of the summer is a nightmare.

If you don't get custody, moving may make your life easier because you won't have to deal with OW/OC on a daily basis. If you do get custody, you may have to get permission from OW before moving.

FB,

Ouch. Didn't think of having to ask OW's permission to move.

I guess we'll have to wait to decide for a few months until we figure out what's really going to happen with OC. But the thought of not having to deal with OW on a daily basis is like a really wonderful dream. The idea truly appeals to me....

Thanks!

Well, Sunday night was a doozie. We had OC for our scheduled visit. She had been pretty upset and sad when OW dropped her off on Friday night. My h and I talked to OC about how she felt. She said that she was sad because her "other mommy" was mad at us sometimes and she just wants us to quit fighting all the time.

My H and I talked about things in depth Sunday and decided that in addition to the six month time limit, we would try to find a way to open the lines of communication with OW by sitting down with her every other Saturday night, the three of us, to catch up on issues with OC and generally just try to talk with one another. We didn't know if OW would go for it. So, my H called her to arrange for her to spend some time talking when she came to pick up OC.

It was very uncomfortable. OW stayed about two and a half hours while we discussed our options. Since we all have a common goal: OC's comfort, we should be able to compromise, right?

OW seemed open. I told her that I thought the three of us should be able to put the past in the past. We are, after all, all adults here. She said she didn't know if she could get past her issues with me, my response: that's what has to happen, if it can't then it's a lost cause. She conceded.

I've never seen OC so happy. She actually asked OW if she would spend the night in OC's room and sleep on the top bunk. LOL That took OW for a spin! OW told us yesterday that OC has been much more open with her about wanting to come over to our house and has said that she wants to spend more time at our home and is disappointed that we've lessened her overnights. Imagine that.

I don't like inviting OW into our home, into our lives. But the effect on OC is testament that a little discomfort may be necessary for the greater good. My daughter has also benefited, because she's seen that OC's mommy is a real person and when OW is at our home she doesn't have to share her mommy (me) as much.

My H and I have re-entated our POJA, redefined the boundaries and rehashed our PORH. One last chance. Six month lease. Hope this works.

AVNL