I took it off when I found out.

I would have taken it off, I think, but since no one knew, couldn't bring attention to the problem.<P>I would still like to take them off and toss them in the lake even though I think our marriage has the potential to be more than it ever could have been. My rings seem to signify my old marriage and that one was killed. During this mess H also told me he hadn't wanted to marry me, but was too chicken to back out of our engagement. Although that may be true (I think he has a case of cold feet and intensified it with revisionist history) I know that doesn't mean he is sorry he married me or is not happy now. Even so, I don't like to look at wedding pictures or at ring.<P>My H stopped wearing ring shortly after we were married because he could not wear it on the job. He also dislikes jewelry. He did put it on after this mess and since his job is no longer in the lab, has no work conflict.<P>I think a wedding band is very sexy and I love him wearing it.<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

I have never taken mine off because I never stopped loving my husband and am hopeful now we can rebuild our marriage after his affair. I did suggest he get a new wedding band (without saying why) but he didn't want to. I want him to get a new ring because when I look at it I am reminded that he wore it during his year long affair...but it is just one of a million reminders and triggers I will have to live with.

On our 19th anniversary, 11 days after I found out, I gave her a 3/4 carat diamond to put on her engagement ring. I told her I almost tossed it into the trash, but I didn't because it was for the last 19 years which I thought were good. I told her it was not intended to make her stay. She hasn't been wearing it since the day she left.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Chris - I asked a similar question a few days ago and got some interesting answers. I took mine off on day of discovery - he continued to wear his (as he did while he was "with" her in our bed). About 2 weeks ago I asked for his ring, I didn't want him wearing it and when I looked at it I got kind of sick. He was worried about what people might think - us walking around without our rings - I told him I was worried about other things. <P>We are doing okay, HE is doing all the "right" things (sorry it's not the same for you and your W) and even asked if he could have it back.<P>I'm taking them all to a jewelers to be melted and remade (kind of symbolic and like Zombie, I've lost so much weight, they don't fit) and hope to feel comfortable with them in the near future - maybe Christmas ?<P>Good luck to you, I think about you when I read your posts and can't begin to comprehend your pain. I hope you can find some kind of peace in the near future.

My wife had her's off for about 3-4 weeks at one time. I never took mine off. I took her old stone and put it in a new band. She wears it all the time now.

Chris<BR>I stopped wearing mine in Feb.<BR>H put them back on my finger on Mother's day. Said he wanted to give me that more than anything.<BR>When he snuck off to help the needy little bimbo in July I took them off and haven't touched them since. I'm not sure I can put them back on until I know that SHE has been given the message.<BR>That may never happen. One day at a time!!!

I went to a "holy roller" church to visit one day in 96 when my husband had left me. I went up for prayer, and didn't tell them what I wanted them to pray for, so about 5 ladies came around me and prayed, layed hands on me, etc. I was bawling my eyes out. They were praying for my marriage, and I had not eluded to that problem at all. One lady picked up my hands, and said - Did your husband give you both of these rings? I said yes. She said - God wants you to keep them on, as a symbol that He wil restore your marriage, and your husband will be the Godly man you've always desired. Everyone stopped praying, and went back to their chairs - but I sat still crying in the chair. I felt a hand on my shoulder, for a long time after they stopped praying, and when I opened my eyes - there was no one standing there. But I felt that hand on my shoulder for a long time.<P>I still have my rings on, and have not removed them! I told my husband this story after we got back together, and he just looked at me funny. <P>The other day I was looking at some pictures that had been taken when he left me, and I looked at his hands. He kept his rings on the entire time also.<P>God is good.<BR>

I'm not

My w took hers off as soon as she left me. I wore mine for about a month afterwards. She too started wearing ring(s) om gave her. Our kids asked her why she ws wearing different rings so she stopped wearing them around them but when I would see her out she did have his rings on plus all the jewelry I had given her over the years. <BR>She has said she has now gotten rid of all the jewelry om gave her. She owuldn't do that after discovery, she put them in safe deposit box for about a week. I'm not sure what she has doen with wedding band, wheteher she gave it back to me with some of my family heirlooms or not. I put mine in the safe deposit box.<BR>

I took my rings off when my H confessed and left them off until he said he was sure he wanted to stay in the marriage (about a month)and put them back on but took them of again when I was upset about things. My engagenment ring got misplaced (2 year old in the house at the time)last spring and I finally found it a couple of weeks ago. I wore an anniversary band when I didn't have the other one. We also didn't tell anyone so it was hard trying to explain why I wasn't wearing my other rings.<BR>They still don't mean the same anymore, I'd like to replace them with new ones and renew our vows - we've talked about doing it in time for the new year-guess we'll see.<BR>H had his off one night (soon after his confession)when he came home from work-said he caught it at work-it is a possibility but I guess I'll never know for sure.<BR>We now both wear our rings all the time.<BR>He "did it" 11 months ago yesterday, confessed 11 months ago tomorrow. Let's just say my life is much more stable today than it was a year ago.

Absolutely! He noticed too. When he asked this past Saturday, I told him I would always wear the, for better or for worse. He just said "Thankyou, Lori".<P>His is on the dresser.<P>Lori

I'm not - I took mine off when H moved out. Now we are filing for divorce so it will not ever be back on my hand again

Hi chris,<BR>my case might be a bit different. See you never really care much about the wedding rings anyway, I didn' think ( and still don't) that wearing it or not would have any impact ( good or bad) in our relationship. Before the affair I would wear mine ( or not ) depending on what messy jobs I was doing or wich other rings I was wearing ( se I don't like gold that much, at least not the yellow part, so my rings tended to be silver and I didn't like the two colors together . Hubby would wear his more often not for any special reason but because he wouldn't take it out. Untill his ring caught in a file cabinet he was trying to move and he cut his hand on the metal.12 stitches later I was telling him I dind't want him to use his ring at work. And since he didn't have the patiente to put in on and take it off it stayed on a drawer for a long time. It didn't matter, at least before he changed jobs. If the right was to advertise he was married, there was no need, everybody new me, and new about our marriage.When he changed jobs the lack of ring might have helped,although it had nothing to do withthe affair, after all she did knew he was married and had talked to me many times before inregards to work. But at that point he never presented me to his new friends at work, and many of them probably didn't know he was married.<BR>No matter, when the affair happened the last thing in my mind were the rings. I had enough going in my head.But oddly enough I put mine on, as a reminder that i was going to do all I could to keep this marriage together and that I still felt married although to a stranger <BR>When things started to get better, I was cleaning the drawers one day and found his ring. At that time I felt that I would like to see him wearing it. It felt like something to remind us of what we went trough and were ale to surpass. So when he came back I started telling him about when I told him not to wear it at work, and I still don't, but maybe... thankfully he didn't let me stumble over any more words, he understood what I wanted to say and ended the sentence for me "Yeah, i'll wear it whenever I'm not fooling around with steel file cabinets, would that be o.k.? It was just perfect. But we're saving money to replace them with another ones, this time not yellow I don't feel that I will ever see them as wedding rings ( as I didn't before, however what they will mean for us is what a wearing ring should be: ) they will be reminders of how much we care for each other, and of one more storm we were able to ride together. <BR>Hugs<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Before discovery, I never took off my wedding ring. It meant too much to me. After discovery, I still wore it, but was not as guilt-ridden if I had to take it off for some reason. It does bother me that my husband is still wearing the ring he wore when he was seeing her, but we have to get a new one now because he has lost so much weight. That makes me a little happier, knowing that it will not be the same ring. I do not want to really get a knew wedding ring for myself because my vows still mean the same to me as the day he put the ring on my finger. He has promised me a bigger diamond for when we renew our vows on our 5th anniversary (3 years from now, maybe sooner if I have my way)

I took mine off when I noticed she had hers off. Just a week ago I put it back on to remind me that I love my W and I want her back. I think if I had left it on this whole time maybe I wouldn't have had a counter-affair. Not sure though.... I know now that I am totally commited to her and my ring is my reminder and my statement to that fact.<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

I am still wearing my ring, in fact I wear all of them more now then I did before. I never used to wear the engagment ring at work, for some reason, I feel more hope when I do. I am still parying that my H will come back and want to work on our marriage. I guess I will wear the ring for as long as I feel that way. In my heart and mind we are still married.<P>My husband, however, took his off just before he went to meet the OW face to face for the first time. He has not requested it back, yet. I am still hoping.

I stopped wearing mine 5 years ago when I was pregnant because it wouldn't fit. I never did get the ring re-sized (because, of course, I always planned to lose the weight!) Now I think that is somewhat symbolic -- after our daughter was born, I didn't give our marriage the attention I should have. <P>My H always wore his. Even after he moved out, he wore it for about a month. It absolutely broke my heart when he took it off. <P>I've thought about getting the ring re-sized so I can wear it just to show my commitment to the marriage. But I also sympathize with those that say they won't wear them until the marriage is 'whole' again. I've also thought about asking him for his ring.

I won't stop wearing mine-not ever. H (the betrayer) just finally started wearing his shortly before telling me about his 2 yr fling-and he wears it now all the time.<P>*heartache*

I took mine off a few days past discovery. I told H they were junk metal to me now and they lost their meaning. I still believe that. I've decided that if we continue in the marriage we NEED new rings. I also took off my anniversery band, that was hard as the affairs started when I got that band. I won't ever wear them again. They have been off for about 6 weeks.<P>The other night H came to me with his ring in hand and said he was taking it off as he did not deserve to wear it. He said he would never put it on unless I had the grace and mercy to put it back on him. I cried so hard after he left, I even thought for a crazy moment that the lack of ring may be a sign to other women that he is free. How stupid is that when he wore his wedding band the entire time he was with them. I still worry about the signal its giving but I agree with him that he doesn't deserve to wear it.