Hi Mortarman, I know its been awhile since Ive last been here but im doing ok.

Update: I am pregnant by WH while he was on his leave ( a blessing in disguise but a BLESSING)

Wh and I have been doing somewhat ok since he got back. He said he ended the A with OW (due to many problems and for his family) No it was not confirmed,nor have i taken the time to do it.

I received an IM from him the other day and he states" i dont want our pregnancy publicized because i dont want any problems with the Army" i laughed and said for what , "for getting your wife pregnant?" he just said ill call you and explain but if you want to do so, go ahead.

What is this supposed to mean? Is he just afraid that she'll find out?

then he starts giving me this thing about taking my son from me that I cant handle my son, so that I should just give him to him once he gets back?
Does anyone know the laws in CA regarding child custody or where I can find my info out. I want to prepare myself and children , there is no way WH is taking them from me.

I've been trying to calm myself down about this due to my previous weak pregnancies but I am just so furious. I was beginning to trust him as a friend and now this?

Was just wondering what happened to you.

Congratulations!!

I warn you that unless you had done the exposure, or he had done it...then the affair most probably is not over. Especially after what I read below.

Problems with the Army??? HHHmmmm. The Army has no problems with a married couple having children. Something's up here.

Yes. Or maybe more. See below.

Huh? Thought he was about his marriage and family. Now he is coming home and taking son somewhere else? My crap meter is starting to go off.

See an attorney, but I wouldnt worry about it. You have been the primary caregiver, have not been in an affair, nor been using illegal drugs. So, unless there is something else, he aint gonna take them anywhere.

My call on this (and I could be wrong with so little information) is that affair isnt over, that he probably went to OW and commander, stated that he was having a relationship, but went home to tell his wife that his marriage was over. That he would process the divorce once he got back. Probably told the OW the same thing, and they would have to lay low until they got back. In the meantime, tell you that he told the command about the affair.

Well, he didnt lie...but no way did he do what he needed to. I think he is playing this, and playing you AND OW. Again I could be wrong, but this whole thing smells wrong.

If he told his commander things were over with his marriage and he came home to end things while on leave, then for you to pop up pregnant would make his command scratch their heads.

Several things to do. First, you do not want to accuse him of anything yet, as you do not have enough info. He offered to discuss things with you...so take him up on the offer. See what his explanation is.

Second, talk to him about how he ended things with OW, and how and what was discussed with his command. If he asks why you are asking, just say that you want to make sure he is covered and want to be able to look forward to the future. Let's see what he says (if anything). And remember, no answer is an answer.

Third, you could find a way to "surprise" your husband, concerning your new child. Like sending over cookies, or whatever for a unit party. Send the box to the first sergeant, and then put a note in there that you are sendign these in order to have the unit celebrate your new child that the two of you conceived while on leave. Put one of those "It's a baby" banners in there, or whatever.

Now, if this is all nothing, then you will look like a great wife that just wants to celebrate your new addition with your husband.

But if he is playing games, then this will blow up in his face rather quickly. And you will get a VERY interesting phone call.

So, get some more info and then report back. But right now, my crap meter says he is up to something. For your husband to be working on the marriage, and then want silence about your baby, and atthe same time threaten to take your son somewhere else when you get back, tells me that this man is up to no good.

But I could be wrong. So go easy. Be careful.

In His arms.

I'm interested in why your husband is talking about taking your children away? What is going on with that?

Believer, my crap meter is in full alarm. Something is not right here. It doesnt add up...that is unless she is getting played, the affair is still on, and her husband istrying to lay low until he gets back and off active duty...so the Army cant get him.

In His arms.

Anyone else see anything different here?

Congratulations on the little one they are truly a Blessing.

I am a military wife also. I must say his comment about taking your son away has me saying he is not truly into working or committed you you. I get the feeling he is using your son as a pawn to keep you quiet. Any spouse that says they are working on the marriage in one breath and then threatens to take a child away in another breath is not committed to working on a marriage.

As far as not telling anyone about the pregnancy because he doesn't want to get in trouble with the Army tells me that he has something to hide.

My prayers to you and your little ones.

(((ShouldI))) I think ole' Mortarman's smeller is right on, this just doens't pass the smell test.

About two weeks ago you mentioned e-mailing his CO, what was that about and what response did you get?

It seems that I got no resonse form CO, what i last heard from WH, his SSgt has been re-assigned.

My son is int the process of seeing a phyciatrist, he is only 5 and they believe he is going thru a great depression because of WH absence and now they believe it may be add related. Son goes thru angry outbursts, etc and I do tell WH about how son is acting etc, but it seems like he's using it against me saying I cant handle my own child! On sunday Wh calls my cell to see how we are doing and says you know son is stayin withme right, I laughed i thought he was joking and said whatever you wouldnt dare take my son away from me or any of my kids! he said be realistic you cant handle our son, I just said whatever the way he is acting now is for completely diff reasons not cuz i cant handle him! WH says let me talk to son, so I pass the phone and son was acting silly and talks to daddy and pretends he fainted, I got the phone and asked what did you say he said oh I told him that him and I are going to buy a house and live together by ourselves no mommy or sister! I didnt want to make a scene infront of parents( i was at daughters cheer camp) and quitely said you dont realize what you have started! WH didnt answer me, just changed the subject. Everything that has been done or has lead to sons emotional breakdown and it all leads to the way WH took care of his deployment. I will bring everything to the table if he wants this kind of fight, I may be an accomplise to his drug use but im not a user or alcoholic and our own pyciatrist says your "husband has other issues he just may need medication himself"!

Then his attitude was different asking me to send him pictures of me, cuz im starting to show, etc.

I was actually thinking of letting our monthly unit newsletter know of our expecting baby , but then again I didnt want to publicize the pregnancy eitheer cuz ive had two miscarrages before this preganacy , dont want to jik myself or the pregnancy!

I cant wait for his call so he can explain to me why? he doesnt want me to say antyhing!

Im just so confused ! Oh and within the 2hours i was gone right now, I just gave my two week notice, she said my doc appt was interfering with work schedule ( i was only gonna be gone for half and hour!) so I QUIT! I had another job offer so I guess I got the balls to say C-YA!

i feel so relieved! somewhat

Ok sorry I do actually know how to spell, sorry if any get confused!

Again, thanks you all for support and help!

What exactly did you send to the CO??

In His arms.

I didnt give anything specific , just that I had questions regarding ( no name ) ?

I never got an answer, I do want to get to the bottom of this A and what WH intentions are? One day hes lovey , taking about us (family) and then other days he's so distant.

I know there is alot of heat over there and it must be hard for him. I just dont want to be in the dark, Ive been avoiding ? to him cuz im trying to avoid LB's but the unknown is making things worse trying to figure him out. Since he changed his password to email , Ive been clueless on whats going on .

I would suggest getting a lawyer so that you can protect your son. you have the upper hand right now because he is not there!! Take action. Do not wait for him to come home and ruin your life. You must have a support group there...we call it Key Volunteers in the MC. There should also be someone at the base where your hubby is stationed that did not deploy that you can talk to. I forget if your WH is active duty or reserves. In any case there should be a core group of people left behind. Go talk to someone. Tell them all about your husband and the threats he is making against you and your son.

Never got an answer from the CO??? Write him again and tell him the severity of the situation. I'm not talking about his Sgt above him, I am talking the Capt./LtCol/Col who is in charge of the unit.

Your husband sounds very unstable. You need to be proactive. Take charge and do not let him take your son away from you. Also, I would not let him speak to my son if he can not do it in a loving way. He sounds like a manipulator. Protect your son and yourself.

DO you mean like talking to someone from the Family readiness Group or an actual member of his unit?

ShouldI,

Talk to your husband and see what he says. Then, depending on that conversation, send a letter straight to his commander in Iraq. Make sure you spell out what is happening and what has happened, and that you would like to speak with him as soon as possible. Save a copy of this correspondence.

If he does not contact you, then you can go to the IG's office. The commander will not like when the IG shows up. And the IG WILL take care of business.

Like I said, I smell a rat here. But I could be wrong. So, get more intel, talk to an attorney to make sure you are protected. And prepare to go to the IG and go to Plan B on your husband, if things are not on the up-and-up.

In His arms.

He doesn't want someone to find out your pregnant, and it is not the Army he is worried about. Let it be known NOW about being pregnant so he can't turn around and claim he didn't know/it must be someone elses. Make sure all of your t's are crossed, you will need that baby on the DEERS program no matter what. Have you made an OBGYN appt. yet? If not, do so. On post would be the best!

If his unit is deployed all that will be left is rear detachment, find out the highest rank left back and talk to him/her.

This woman you are asking questions about, is she military or is she married military? If she is a soldier you can find out what unit she is with and some info on her if you know someone with an AKO account (most soldiers use this account) If she is married military you could probably find out what unit her H is with by doing the same thing. Any one with an AKO account can do a search on that site and find that info for you. Either way that could be a reason he does not want any of this coming out, he could get reduced in rank if the affair is found out and the womans H is military, or if she is military. Big no no for a married soldier!

Not sure if Jag could help you out BUT it is free. I would make an appointment and see if they could talk to you or lead you in the right direction. Talk to a chaplin, they can be a huge help in these situations.

As far as your other child who is having coping problems, document everything. (therapy appointments, doc appointments, if he is in school/talks with his teachers (be sure the teachers document it also and make yourself seen and heard at his school)

Get as much info as you can about this person in question!

Oh, yes this OW was detatched with WH from their unit and were mobilized together. they are in the same unit and she is seperated (not sure if legally divorced) I do have her name etc, where she lives or used to.

Everything that is going on with son is documented with his phyciatrist.

I have made my first obgyn appt and i am scheduled for an ultrasound on the 17th because of my prior high risk pregnancies. WH is army reserve so we do not live near any base.

Im assuming the internet has been down or WH has been busy since its been 2 days since ive heard from him. From what i last heard hes up for promotion and hes been busy getting his packet ready. So i havent been able to really ask him whats going on.

I have sons IC appt today and ill request advice from counselor also. She has been emailing WH about sons sessions but im not sure if hes responding to counselor or not.

I emailed the frg leader in regards to counsel and services available to myself. Hopefully ill get some insight.

I had our IC with phyciatrist yesterday with son and the issue of WH telling son that they were going to live alone together came up, Son started acting out bluntly said I dont want to talk about it! Well, doctors and I are looking at medications?

they offered Abilify for his impulsive behaviors,etc and the reason of his depression. (possible bi-polar issues)

Wellbutrin for his depression

or Ritalin for his impulsive behaviors but this wouldnt treat his symptoms of depression.

Does anyone know off hand of experiences with these drugs in children?

Oh and update on WH - i talked to him about his comment to son and said i made it clear to him that i was joking! ( he got upset that i was blaming him and i just said look whats done is done , why point fingers but next time keep those comments to yourself or unitl you can say it to their face!)I told him well son took it differently and WH apologized to son said he was joking and that he wouldnt do anything to hurt him or sister because he loves them! I just think WH is fishing to see how the kids would re-act to us seperating/divorcing. He said at one moment that son has us figured out and that he's manipulating us to get what he wants. ( i laughed cuz our kids have no clue of our problems, I dont say anything mean about WH or have even implied about us seperating, I could be true but I think son does have other issues)

Does anyone have any insight on the drug issue? Ive been surfing the net to find out more about the drugs, side affects etc.

ShouldI, although he says he was joking, I sincerely doubt that.

You need to talk to him and find out where you and your marriage stand.

Is OW gone for good?
Did he tell his commander or first sergeant?
What is his intentions once he gets home?

Ask him and find out his response. Tell him you need closure on this stuff, that having it hang over you is not good for the pregnancy.

Once you have this info, then we will know how to proceed.

In His arms.

That's just it ShouldI...they are drugs and you are going to use them on a 5 year old. I am very concerned about this. Yes, in some cases kids do need that medication, but too often it is given when other things can be done. Without knowing everything it is impossible to say if your son truly needs these medications.

My concentration right now would be on my child, not my WH who is not even home. You must make your son well. Love him and show him that you will always be there for him. DO NOT let WH manipulate him on the phone. Listen to the conversation on the other extention and if he starts his BS hang up.

You have a lot more at stake than your marriage. The safety and well being of you, your son and your unborn child. Do you have other children? Going to the doctor is good but find a psychologist who can help with behavior modification and learn to deal with your son.

Thinking about you!

I go ditto with you MORTARMAN i know he was not joking!

lat we talked about it was , he was going to let me know how he was feeling towards us,etc.

He said he ended it (when i threatend to expose myself) and said he came to terms with that it was causing to many problems and that they were going to stay "friends" (plus OW gave him an ultimatum her or me and he got poed that she dared to do that. He told her his intentions were never to leave his wife/family and she took that risk!) Im not sure if that sat well with her but i dont think he said it in the words he told me.

He said he wants us to gain our friendship back and that when he comes home we can decide but that we need to take things slow, his love for me has drifted. He basically said he doesnt want to give me false hopes, that he hopes this baby will not impact our decicion to stay together!

that was about a month ago since then , there has been no relationship talks, we;ve been talking great other than the incident with son. Oh and the fact that he found out that OW was hacking into his emails and told me that he was sorry and that i was right all along about OW!

I think he's scared of her, that she'll come forwar and ruin him also if she finds out about our pregnancy or what you said he conveinced everyone were seperated going thru the divorce?

I dont want to strain my high risk pregnancy as it is but yes i do want to know for closure for myslef and children. I just dont know how to bring it up in our conversations? one thing that bother him about staying with me is that im never going to let him forget about the affair (me throwing it in his face) if i bring it up, would it just be another reason to not stay with me thinking I wont work on not LB bringing up the Affair?