Thanks mortarman. I will admit, this makes me a bit nervous. I don't want to do things out of spite or revenge ya know? He was absolutely furious with me for all of the exposure I did, especially with his family. I am sure I could get a copy of the ow's divorce papers from her stbxh where it states my h is the reason for the divorce. ow's stbxh also said he would be a witness or provide any information necessary i.e. cell phone bills, etc. My H moved out on July 12th before any separation agreement was in place as I had told my lawyer to put a hold on one due to what I hoped was going to be a reconcilliation. Ow's stbxh can also provide proof that contact with ow continued after they claimed affair was over. and now he is over there almost every night and her h is a police officer so he can attest to that being he has to patrol our small town at night. ( and I am sure other cops here could attest to it as well) he didn't move in with ow, he stays with family friends. But he goes there all the time at night I am told. And I have seen his car there too. What types of proof will the military need should I pursue this and how exactly do they investigate this? would they be contacting my lawyer for any information? Our sep agreement is still not done, hopefully by the end of next week it will be. But this A started last fall long before I had ever even spoken to a lawyer.
I am just afraid this whole thing will blow up in my face. I would hate to do this then have NOTHING come of it except my h knowing I had told on him to the military and have him hate me even more. Any chance NOTHING would be done to him if I do this? I cannot afford a blow up in my face. I can provide all kinds of documented proof and witness statements. Thanks for the help and sorry for all the questions. I think the military coming down on him and ordering him to stay away from ow might be enough of a wake call to him that hey, there are consequences to his actions. And would it be that he would have to stay away until divorce or legal separation? do they consider legal separation still married? mlhb
Okay, a lot of questions...that's fine!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Like I told you, I was an IG for 4 years, so I have gone thru this process a few times, unfortunately. More times than I want to remember.
The IG will ask you a bunch of questions, trying to get the facts. You will give the IG what you have. Documents, pictures, names of witnesses, etc. The IG will then go out to all of the witnesses and talk to them. All witnesses, including you, will be precluded from talking about the case to ANYONE, except your attorney...and the IG...until the IG has finshed the investigation (technically, it is called an inquiry).
Now, there is a difference between the Ig and the JAG. JAG is legal. Beyond a reasonable doubt. The JAG recommends punishment based on the breaking of a law or laws.
The IG will go deeper than that. First of all, for the IG...they dont need a smoking gun. Their standard is not beyond a reasonable doubt. It is called preponderence of the evidence. That means if it smells bad, its bad. Now, depending on how much evidence is there, the IG will recommend differing action. if just one person says something happened, and there is no other evidence, then the IG may just close the case. If there is evidence, but not enough to convict of a crime, he may advise the commanding general to order the servicemember to cease the activity if they are doing it. In this way, if proof comes along later on that not only were they doing it, but they continued doing it after the order to stop was giving...well, let's just say general officers dont take real well to having their orders disobeyed!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
Once the Ig has gotten all the evidence he needs, he will contact your husband and bring him in for questioning. Your husband will be under oath. If he tells the truth, then he is guilty of adultery. If he lies to the IG, then he is guilty of adultery and pying to a federal officer (which brings a mandatory sentence of 10 years in jail and $10,000 fine). Your husband will be advised of that before he is questioned. Very rarely have I even thought that a soldier was lying to me. They knew things would get sssooooo much worse very quickly if they lied!!
At the end of questioning your husband, he will be told not to discuss this case with anyone but his attorney and that the command will be in touch with him.
From there, things will go as I outlined in my previous post.
Now, is this about revenge or is it the right thing to do? Well, first off, it is the right thing to do. The military has these rules for a reason. I have written on here ad nauseum about why we have those rules. It has to do with honor and integrity. If an airman cannot be trusted to do the honorable thing by his family, how in the world can we trust him with other men's lives? We cannot. So, when we find one that is dishonorable, we have ways of turning them around...or getting them out.
But, what is in your heart? You could be doing the right thing...and for the wrong reasons. Are you trying to protect soldiers lives? Then this is good. Are you trying to expose to drive a wedge in the affair (by MB principles) in order to save your marriage? Then this will be good. Are you trying to hurt your husband and seek revenge? While you will help the military, and maybe kill the affair...this will not be good for you. Why? Because the revenge you will be seeking will be a hollow victory. It wont feel like what you hope it will feel like. It wont solve anything.
So, this is the right thing to do. Your husband, if he does this right, probably will not suffer any permanent damage to his career. You will help him, the military...and give your marriage a chance. I wish civilian judges had the ability to order the separation of the WS and OP like we do in the military. We wouldnt have to worry about pulling the WS away from the affair. They would be ordered to immediately cease contact until the divorce is final. And divorces can take 6 months to a year. How well you think that relationship will be after all of that time?
So, there you go. If I missed a question, just ask. But call NGB-IG today. They are there right now. Get this started. You will be doing a service to your country, to yourself...and although he may not know it at the time, to your husband.
In His arms.
