Yeah, I just may have to hang up my rolling pin for awhile.

If things keep going this way, I might have to look into putting it away permanently and maybe getting it bronzed. Just a joke - never know when you're gonna get someone riled up (except for Patriot - he knows when I'm kidding).



Just saw that. I'm thrilled that things seem to be looking up and I have high hopes for your situation.

Keeping you in my prayers...

Is this true?

I've been lost in my head today.

I think it's time for me to push forward a little. I've spent some time letting some stuff sink in and learning how to practice some of what I've learned. I've also spent some time pushing Patriot, and resisting him, too.

I no longer have any excuses. I've grasped a lot of what I've learned - enough to focus more on practicing it until it becomes habit, and honestly, Patriot doesn't really need me to fix him. He's doing just fine.

Maybe his accomplishments are challenging me to do better. I can either grow along with him or...I don't have an "or". I just want to grow along with him.

I'm suddenly terrified of that unknown "or". Hmmmm....

I find myself afraid quite an awful lot lately.

I'm afraid of being close to him. I'm even afraid of being close to myself. I'm not okay with me, not even a little bit. I find myself emotionally scampering away from him often, for fear of feeling rejected or some other thing. I feel afraid to ask for what I need from him, too. I don't know why.

I'm so proud of him and all that he has accomplished.

I would like to be proud of myself, too, but I'm not. He's done most, if not all, of the work. All I do is try to be nice. I'm not even successful at that sometimes.

I'm so sick of feeling eaten up with resentment. I'm tired of looking up and recognizing yet another way that I'm a big 'ol control freak.

I have been terribly disillusioned about myself for quite some time now. I thought before that I was so fragile and deserving of protection. It is difficult for me to recognize the ways that I hurt people I care about. I struggle even more with recognizing the ways I hurt myself.

That makes me very sad to say or to even think about. I've spent an awful lot of time trying to control the things and people around me that hurt me. I have no idea how to begin to stop hurting myself.

PUSH, PUSH, PUSH...

Froz, Dr. Laura fan or not...I was listening to her today a bit. She has a new book out "Bad Childhood, Good Life: How to Blossom and Thrive in Spite of an Unhappy Childhood"

Sounds like a book you may want to look into. Also just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. {{froz}}

FF,

Thanks for the book recommendation, your support, and your thoughts.

I checked it out on amazon.com and it looks applicable and interesting. I read the table of contents and an excerpt.
I was also pleased see the jacket and discover that Dr. Laura has gotten herself a new hairdo since her last book.

I think I'll pass it on to my daughter when I finish it (the book, not the hairdo).

I LOVE your sense of humor <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks FF, but I was being dead serious!!!

It wouldn't be a flattering hairstyle for an 18 year-old. It does look WAY better on Dr. Laura than her last do...professionally speaking, of course.

Don't you think?

Dr. Laura - Before

Dr. Laura - After

Much better, I agree

Miss Faithful,

"I promise that my personal tragedy will NOT interfere with my ability to do good hay-ur."


Get it???

Steel Magnolias, in case you didn't.

Froz, my hair needs help.

Hey Froz... why not?

The first step is admitting that it is a problem. Go on...

I can't say that I am where I would like to have been by now, with regards to Recovery.

I have LB'd, LB'd, LB'd and screwed up royally.

Email if you want to talk privately or do you want to work through it here? I am the Queen of LB's. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Either way, it doesn't matter.

I just felt the need to tell on myself since Patriot wouldn't do it. I told him he ought to throw me to the wolves...so I could get thwacked with as many 2X4's as anyone and everyone could send my way. I deserve it. You wouldn't even believe how I act sometimes if I told you.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> Me too.

Ok, I am around if you wanna talk. What do you think you could have done differently instead of LB? My prob is once I start I quickly escalate and I turn into a screaming, cussing witch. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

One of the ways I have learned to respond differently is to just state how I feel and leave it at that.

You know, good old "I feel _______, when you _______, because_________."

Sometimes, though, I feel more desperate than that. It accomplishes absolutely nothing for me to act that way, except perhaps even MORE desperation and included Patriot in that desperation, too.

Looking back on how desperate and how very, very resentful I felt, I don't know. Stating how I feel seems to be do-able in most situations, but I don't know another way to respond in those desperate moments.



What I did was text message him mean things like some kind of wild banshee while he was at school because I felt alone and rejected. I was asleep when he got home, so the next day I continued my onslaught via e-mail the entire day while he was at work.

I don't know what else to say. You know what I want to say, but bashing myself probably wouldn't be any more productive, so I'll refrain, though it's difficult.

No, the I feel's won't work when you get that desperate. What can you do for YOU at that very moment to distract and self soothe. I am trying to learn this too. Perhaps we can learn together. I assume you have apologized to Pat. How did he take it?

Banshee..good descriptive that is me and once it starts whooo boy tough to stop. I'm doing better though. Only a couple of quick angry moments and a couple curse words in over a week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />