i really do feel this way and i'm not in recovery...in fact my husband still says he has no feelings for meand is never coming home-it's over he says

but this has caused me to realized how much i appreciated having him in my life, how much i took him for granted, and how much time i wasted on unimportant things-how much we have missed out on!

it's hard to imagine and sad to say...but i love him more thatn i did before because now i SEE HIM AGAIN.

does that make sense?

i pray everyday that god will give me a chance to do things better...

i don't want to learn from my mistakes so that i'm better for the NEXT guy...i want it to be better for THE GUY I LOVE

you are so lucky!

x

Bob,

You & Squid are truly an inspiration to others. I don't post much anymore, but like to read to see the progress some of the posters are making & you're one of them. When I was reading your post, it brought tears to my eyes b/c I could have written those exact words.

Lost_boyz & I are doing well & when I look around at others, especially my best friend & her H (who aren't even experiencing infidelity but a breakdown in their M), I can't help but SCREAM to them (ok, I FEEL like screaming) to get help before it goes completely on a rollercoaster downhill fast. I can see them in the exact same position as us pre-A & my heart aches for them b/c I can see infidelity happening in the future & no matter what I try to share, the MB materials, life experience, etc. it doesn't seem to take affect for this couple. It saddens me, it truly does.

I pray things continue to move 4ward for you & Squid. God has truly blessed you both.

ST and others it ststrane I never intended this to be an 'inspirational' post, just a factual one, but I can't deny m mariag eis amongst teh best I know of now, affair or no affair.

Are we problem free ? No. But is ANY marriage? And we have the tools and mutual appreciation to work on the problems we face.

And to be honest life is pretty good now when I don't remind myself to be sad. VERY good in fact.

Blessings to you and LBZ.

Hello Bob,

I'm so glad you and Squid are getting were you should be, and that you are starting to reap the rewards of not giving up on each other.

I guess your residual feelings of sadness (you) or unworthiness (Squid) will also diminish over time, as is normal with every trauma that is being looked into the eye. At some point the A will merely be something that happened along the long path of your life and M, a mistake like other mistakes, to be learned from but no longer mourned. Because over time you'll KNOW for sure that in fact this mistake will safeguard your M and make it better, like you said yourself.

My situation is different, but I can apply the same reasoning to my life and feeling of self-worth. I need time to heal. I lost my feeling of self-worth completely at D-Day 2, and still feel there's work to do now to stop myself from feeling undesirable, not M-material etc, because I need to recover from the shock of being treated by STBXRWH like someone who doesn't matters. He never intended that, but it feels like it nonetheless.

So I hope that in time I can see the whole nasty business of these past three years as something that kicked me into taking better care of myself, setting my boundaries, and not drowning in the Giver/Helper thing.

I have certainly learned from all of you here at MB that a partner that doesn't care about my EN's, that doesn't care about POJA on important matters, that refuses to talk about problems etc. is not a suitable partner for me. I have spent way too much time taking care of the EN's and problems of others, neglecting my own.

Blessings to all you people who care enough to reach out to others, in their M and beyond.