Jeeping, in addition to trying the tape recorder, you could also put spyware on her computer and find out all her passwords and read what she is typing. We can hook ya up with that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

But the reason I think he should hire a P.I. is because I suspect they are meeting when they are out. The P.I. could find this out, with pictures, and could ALSO find out the name and # of his parents. His parents might be a great exposure opportunity. At the very least, it would cause great conflict in the affair.

I will look into a PI tomorrow , and consider the tape recorder. When it comes to snooping her computer that is what I do. I own a computer store. So I have that all hooked up. So far to date they ahev not used the computer , probably becuase he can't afford one.

Do you drive a Jeep?

WARNING

MEL drives a jeep and drinks Pepsi and she is very BRAND-NAME conscious !

PLUS she a Texan with a GUN so watch-out! LOL

I did for years. I still go off road when i can but now I have a ford , expidition. But my freinds have always called me Jeep. Or are you going Jeepin,so I guess it stuck.

Any man who drives a Jeep is alright with me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Jeeping...

Man, you have a knack for disregarding some of the most important advice you will ever receive in your life!

As Dr. Phil would say "How's that workin' for ya?"

Critically important help is hanging right in front of you like ripe fruit on a tree, yet you won't even pick one and sample it.

Have you purchased and read "Surviving an Affair" yet? If not, put everything on hold for 72 hours, get the book and read it, no, study it and become familiar with the concepts of Marriage Builders.

THEN all of this incredibly good advice might make some sense to you. Dr. Harley states in the book, much of what needs to be done is counterintuitive, and that your "instincts" may lead you in the wrong direction.

Right now, you are the WRONG DIRECTION poster boy.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but your Wife is in the middle of a torrid affair, and you have patently ignored much of the information here, and what you have gleaned from this site, exposure, you tipped your hand before you executed, thereby negating one of the MOST POWERFUL weapons in a betrayed spouses arsenal.

If you continue to fly by the seat of you pants, relying on your instincts, rather than a tried and true philosophy, your chances of a future with your Wayward Wife are slim.

Sorry, but that's the TRUTH.

Best wishes,
SD

Thank you all , I am leaving work soon and plan to inform the kids tonight.

I will be back tomorrow

OK,

So I did what you said and have now returned , I am not moving out, as I see the reasoning was not so clear before you all advised me , thank you.

So i had my meeting with the family last night. I exposed my wife to my two kids as I had explained. Boy 17 girl 18 years. I told them only the facts that I have and did not embellish the story. My wife was furiuos from the on set. I explained to them, that your mom has been haveing a secret realtionship and this is something that two committed poeple married fro almost 20 years just don't do. They wnated to know who it was I told them his name, my duaghter immediatley tuned in. It was very emotional. I do not want the kids to hate thier mom or dislike her and I made that very clear. I told them that I love thier mom very much more than they could know. I laos told them that I loved them very much and that we wrer going to get through this. I also told them that I would be leaving. I also explained that is is my duty and my responsibility to thier to save her from this thing she does not understand. I gave them the drwoning anaolgy. In fact at one point as my wife was coming unglued she siad that it wasn't rite that I was bashing her in front of her kids, my daughter than very calmy infromed her that i was doing no such thing. That i was telling them what was going on. My wife never once denied anything I had said , only tried to get off topic and make me look like the bad guy. The kids will influnece her and hopefully help her see the light. She deos not know how ridcilous she sounds rite now when she tries to make excuses for things she has slipped , or when she tries back peddle. I asked her to leave last night untill she stopps with the OM. She refused to leave. So I informed her that we were going to be some very unhappy roomates. She slept in the spare agian at my request.

Oh BTW she slept with her cell phone.

((( hugs )))

this was difficult

and

necessary

how are you feeling this morning?

Is this a typo?

Honestly ,

I feel some relief. However I do feel as if I have betrayed her. This seems to be very a strange response , feeling.

I did tell her this was only the begining. She wanted answers , and all told her was that my paln was to break up this "freindship" at what ever expense. She siad alot of nasty things ,some of which msake me second guess myself.

I just really love her so much :=(

Alright...so did you talk with her (in front of the kids) about ending the 'friendship' again?

Make it very clear that no friendship should EVER take priority over a marriage...and THAT is why this cannot be allowed to continue.

What about her family? Yours? How about OM's family and friends? Workplace? Still other chances to put pressure on her.

But again, when/if you talk with her about this, do NOT tell her WHAT you are doing, simply let her know that what you ARE doing is fighting to save your marriage.

Right now, you need to develop a PLAN to get through this.

What are your steps to end the affair?
What actions do you see her making in response to these steps?
What are your counters to these actions?

Yes I am sorry WOULDN'T be leaving ,

OK,

So today I plan to talk to our mutual freinds again. I need to start with them as I feel they are closest to us. When the wife of my best freind finds out I am sure she will be of great help. I also plan to confront the OM. She threatened last night if I talk to him she will divorce. "boy if that isnt telling".

I am looking into a private investigator today.

Her parents , I don't feel are any help. plus her family is out of state.

So now what?

Melody Lane are you out there?

Good job! You should contact her family anyway, you never know where help will come from.

Again, I am very proud of you. You are well on your way to protecting yourself, your children, and maybe your M.

Best

Jeep,

I'm not sure where Melody is right now, but I'm sure she'll be along soon...Until then, I'm gonna take a shot at what she might say regarding last night's events...I know she'll correct me if I'm wrong... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I thought you did an excellent job, until I got to the above quote at the end of your post...Plan A is NOT about asking her to leave the family home or the marital bed...It's about meeting her needs, and changing what you can about yourself, and of course, exposure (you seem to be on the right path there, finally-I've been following your story) The goal here is to bust up the affair and attract your W back to the marriage. How can you attract her while ostracizing her?

You don't have to be a doormat, and telling her that her affair is not acceptable is fine...just don't start a big fight and start letting the lovebusters and disrespectful judgements fly...

Mrs. Wondering

I understand what i had said was not the right thing to say. BUt at the time it was very tuff. She yelling at me to get out of her house, while I was trying to remain calm and in charge of my emotions. I again was acting out , in the wrong way. I have been very supportive of her and meeting her needs, she won't deny that, she has even commneted on how in tune I have been to her lateley, this of course before last night. I did ask her to sleep in our bed but she refused. I think she sees that I wnat her to sleep with me so she refused to hurt me.I think I do understand what has to be done. I would honestly say up an untill last night I was still in denial of it all. So fro now I am gonna really dig in and make the plan work for me.

I really appreciate your help , all of you , thank you.

Great, what exactly do you plan to say?


Again, great, but to be sure, remember to enlist her help by asking her to do whatever she can to help you to recover your marriage. Ask her what she will do...




Ok, but remember to keep your cool...we don't want you to end up in jail.


You're right, it is telling, your instincts were dead on about her involvement with OM...the threats are completely normal from a WW whose affair is being ruined by exposure...ignore them, they are just fog babble...


TERRIFIC...Get that done immediately!


How do you know they won't be any help? Being out of state does not make them care less for their daughter...

I am a FWW, my mom and dad are out of state...when they found out about my rotten behavior, they DEFINITELY cared!

DON'T dismiss her parents as useful exposure targets...whatever you can do to make the A as uncomfortable as possible, you do it!


Keep exposing...who else could be helpful...what about OM's friends and family?

Mrs. Wondering

Jeep,

I know that this is tough, and I know that you are trying. You are doing just great, keep coming here, we will help you...I applaud you for being a man, standing up for what is right and fighting for your family...GOOD JOB!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. Wondering