That's true. I suppose having emotions isn't the bad thing, it's how you deal with them that is the key.
That is definately a bump. I can only imagine the thoughts and feelings running through your head. I'm sure that when you were writing them out, they don't even come close to the pit in your stomach and fear that you were going to have to repeat the whole process over again. I would have felt the same way. And,like you, I probably would have done what you did, let my emotions get the better of me.
That is wonderful you guys are going to counseling together. I'm sure it has helped a lot. You would think it would be easy to find a counselor you like and both agree on, but it is definately not as easy as it sounds.

Froz,
I’m sure when you said you wanted to hear my story you had no idea what you were asking for, but here it is. I’ll start out with a bang. I'm warning you though, its a book!!!!
My dad committed suicide when I was 5, leaving my mom to raise 3 girls. A month after my dad died, my grandma died of a stroke and 3 months after that, my grandpa died from a heart attack. So, my mom lost her husband, mom and dad all within about 6 months. My mom remarried almost a year after my dad died. My step-dad isn’t too bad I guess. He had two kids that came to visit occasionally and at one point or another lived with us. The bad part in this whole picture is that there were two sets of rules in our household, one for us three girls and another for my stepbrother and sister. It made a really tough way to grow up knowing we would get into DEEP trouble for doing the exact same thing my stepsiblings did, but they wouldn’t get into any trouble at all.
The other part is that I grew up in an EXTREMELY religious home. And by extreme, I mean extreme. We were only allowed to talk to people that were members of the church, we went to public schools, but wasn’t allowed to really associate with anyone. We were told what music to listen to, where we could work, when we could go on vacation, couldn’t wear make-up, jeans or cut our hair, for the girls anyways, thinking about dating a guy that didn’t go to the same church was forbidden. I’m sure you get the picture. Anyways, 5 years ago I left that religion and for a year my family wouldn’t talk to me. My mom locked me out of her home, with all of my clothes inside. I moved in with my Aunt in another town and moved on with my life. They eventually began to talk to me, but when they did it was only to tell me how I was living my life wrong or point out how much of a sinner I was. When I started dating my fiancée, they didn’t want to hear about him and it really blew them out of the water when I moved in with him. At that point all I heard was how I needed to get married dah, dah, dah.
So, we got engaged December 23, 2004. Not because of them, but because I thought we loved each other. Anyways, that appeased them a little and just recently began to ask questions about the wedding and what was planned, this all three months before the actually day!!
I’ll have to back track here, my older sister left the same church about a year and a half ago. Mind you, she didn’t just leave, but she was in a 7 year marriage with 2 kids, and had an affair to end the marriage. After she left the church, she has proceeded to lie, cheat and steal from every family member, but being the idiot that I am, I took her under my wing because I knew the pain and confusing she was facing. Anyways, about a year ago, my sister accused my stepbrother of raping her, which is going to trial the first week in September. My sister has become and alcoholic and started doing “recreational” drugs. She has been with more men than I even want to count. Well, about a year ago she stayed with us for a weekend and she kept telling dirty jokes or disgusting stories to my then boyfriend, with me standing right there!!! I talked to him about it and he swore she meant nothing to him and that there was nothing to worry about. HAAAAAAA Back in July, he proved he lied to me about it and had sex with her. Let me go off on another direction now, back at the end of June, my fiancée and I agreed we needed to take some time away from each other to make sure we really wanted to go on with the wedding. After a week away, we went on a weekend trip and decided that YES, we wanted to get married, that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, that we loved each other etc. Almost two weeks later, to the day, my fiancée has sex with my sister.
NOW is the up to date stuff. He swore he was drunk and she kept giving him more alcohol and that he originally called her to talk to her about me over the phone only, because he was “worried about me”. Anyways, she supposedly insisted he come over to talk and that her boys were there so it was okay. They talked/had sex/drank whatever until about 3 in the morning. He comes dragging himself home around 7 the next morning. I had NO IDEA that any of this even happened. NO idea at all. Back on July 31st my aunt, the one I stayed with, had a birthday party at her place for one of my other aunts. My sister asked if it were okay if her and her boyfriend stayed with us the night before so they wouldn’t have to drive up the next day. I said yes, it wasn’t a problem. But when I mentioned it to my fiancée he said absolutely NOT and gave the reason of “They aren’t married, have been off and on for too long.” And didn’t want that kind of stuff going on in his home. Sounded reasonable, so I let it go. The day of the party, my sister and her boyfriend drove 45 minutes ONE WAY just so she could wrap the gift she bought for my Aunt, and then drove back the same way, 45 minutes to my Aunts. I guess her and her boyfriend stayed at a hotel the night before. The whole day my sister and fiancée avoided each other like the plague. I thought it was a little odd, but figured it was all in my head and just a coincidence. WRONG!!! On August 1st, I sent my sister an ethical question. I had an ethics class last semester and it just came into my head. Anyways, I asked her if she knew a friend or family member was cheating or being cheated on, would you tell. THAT opened up a box of worms. She told me that my fiancée was drunk one night and tried to kiss her twice, she supposedly pushed him out the door and told him to f’ off. When I got home that day and questioned my fiancée, he broke down and started sobbing saying he never intended to hurt me and that they had sex. Swearing he would never do it again and that he loved me more than words could say, that he made a TERRIBLEL mistake and would do anything I asked if I would forgive him and stay. He sat there and sobbed and begged, for about a week. I told my mom, which she whole heartedly supported me. Calling to make sure I was okay, tried to give advice. UNTIL she heard my sisters lies. THEN all of a sudden, she doesn’t know if my fiancée is telling the truth. That “He was probably lying because he just didn’t want to marry me.” That was last Friday and I haven’t talked to my mom since. How could she believe a notorious liar? The one that has this completely destructive life, that doesn’t even care about her two kids much less anyone else in the family. I have been respectful and tried to be understanding over the last 5 years as they put me through their h*!! And she stands by my sister when I am facing the worst possible time in my life!!!!! Anyways, this is where I stand now. Trying to pick up the pieces and wandering around blindly.
I warned you. You didn’t know what you were asking for.  But hey, my book is finished. And that, is the rest of the story.

Thank you for sharing that, hrt1.

It sounds like there is a lot of dysfunction in your family. But, you are obviously a strong, intelligent, open-minded woman. The past doesn't have to dictate your future. You alone dictate your future.



You aren't an idiot. What you did was what any caring, giving sister would do. No more beating yourself up. It may have been a mistake, but that doesn't make you an idiot.

Where do things stand with your fiance now? Are you still in contact with him?

hrt1,

Just checking in on you today, and hoping you haven't run off too far!

Thinking about you,

Froz

Froz,
Thanks for thinking about me. It's been crazy busy here at work.
I did hear some potentially good news today though! My fiancee, friend, ex whatever he is, talked to the attorney for my stepbrother yesterday and told him his story. Weellll, the attorney thinks that he has enough proof of my sisters instability and habit of lying that he can get the whole case dropped! Whee, which means my family may never find out about this whole disaster. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I realized I didn't add this,
but good luck tonight or today with your meeting with Dr. Harley!

hrt1,

I'm very relieved to hear from you. I was beginning to worry a bit.




Are you convinced that your sister was lying about your stepbrother?

How was your meeting with Dr. Harley yesterday? I hope it went well for you guys. How are you guys doing? Are you guys making any progress? I really look forward to talking to you.
I talked to that attorney this morning, they aren't going to drop the case, but the judge wont allow the situation between my sister and fiancee in the courtroom. Which I guess is a good thing. I just hope for my stepbrothers case that he wont have to spend the rest of his life in prison because of my sister.
As for her telling the truth, in light of what happened with my fiancee, which she has told 3 different stories about, and a situation that happened about 8 years ago (she accused someone else of raping her). I have no doubt that my sister is lying.
The saddest thing about the whole situation is that it's ripping our family completely apart.

Our meeting went well. Thanks for asking.

Back to you...

I'm sorry for the situation with your family. How are you doing with regards to Recovery? Do you have a plan?

Sorry I haven't responded. I haven't signed in for a while.
How are you guys doing? Are you still going to cc? I hope everything is working out for you both.
Last week was a really tough week. I testified against my sister and thankfully the jury came back with a not guilty for my stepbrother. My mom still isn't talking to me, but I've also decided to completely remove myself from my family. I will not be missing anything if that is their idea of a caring, supportive family. Anyways, I've begun to really focus on the situation with my fiancee, boyfriend, friend, whatever you want to call him. The trial was really taking up a lot of my thoughts and emotions, but now that it is over, I can devote myself to mending and moving on.
Keep me posted on how you guys are doing.