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PS THIS is no board war.... this is passionate discussion and it is GOOD practice for us .... how to REALLY vehemently disagree and yet hold on to each other in the midst of the emotional tides.... so there <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
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Pep! I so absolutely adore and respect you! YES! We're discussing passionately AND openly! The respect is always there. At least for me, if the respect wasn't there, I wouldn't post, wouldn't share - certainly wouldn't trust. Faithful, you always stop to care for others even when you are having the worst times yourself. I figure every little bit of info I can get helps me to make strong decisions for myself. The least I can do is bombard you with extra stuff you might not need to know! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Feel free to ask pointed questions if you've got 'em. If I can help any way... Sally
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Oh dear, we're back to your hill to die on.
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FF - I do think Mom has a point in that WH caused the mess. It is his responsibility to introduce OC to your daughter. But here's the thing. Babies are cute and 12 yr olds tend to adore them. Even you might find yourself wanting a cuddle and a coo over the little darling. It might soften your heart to the reality of what is going on. I think it is a situation best avoided at the moment. You have so much to sort out and process at present. You are in danger of being the 'bad guy' who keeps her DD away from the sweet baby brother.
This is all quite captivating but for your peace of mind, I hope you make some resolutions before too long. Don't make this only about the children. It is about your marriage to a serial adulterer. Do you want him in your life? tt
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That is what I meant MF4M. I don't want DD to know that! What is killing me is she figured this stuff out months ago, she was afraid to tell me. What I am asking is when she asks me, what do I say? I have sheltered her from this stuff for 1.5 years! This OW/OC stuff is not going away. I am not saying I will volunteer stuff, I am asking what do I say? Hi FF...sorry, but it was getting late here and I needed toget the kids in bed and get myself to bed...I woke up at 3:00 worried about you! I haven't read any of the other replies...however kids at that age and even younger, mine is only 9, do know a lot more than we do give them credit for...MY DS9 said something the other day that really shocked me! When she asks just tell her that you aren't sure about anything right now...but that her daddy does still love her...reassure her of that...cuz in her mind she thinks this OC is taking HER place...YOU have to be the rock for HER...dont drag her over there just beacuse she wants you to...YOU have to be the sensible one here...I know you are hurting... I have been thru this scenerio a million times in my own head...just this week I was going to call OW up and have a meeting with all the kids! For a brief moment I was INSANE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> MY kids have NO DESIRE to meet the OC or the OW...DS9 wants to beat her up! I suggest you just keep a low key right now...When H brings it up, you suggest to him when he is ready that he introduce the OC to her...There is NO REASON you have to do this... I am sorry I was so hard last night, but I care! I can see you in me and I am sure vice versa! It kills me to see our children in the middle of this...and their dads with their heads up their butts! you have my email if you want to contact me! hope you have a better day!
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Mom, thanks. I am glad I am not the only one that loses her head now and then. I wont be facilitating that meeting. As long as the A is active and I am married my DD will not meet OW.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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I will NOT be taking DD to see OC. I was still in shock and was still not seeing OW as WH's active A partner. I was so used to thinking of her as just OC's mama that I was not thinking. When I saw the words Fbuddy in writing I burst into tears. Finally, finally the shock was over and I understood.
Folks, it really is too much, too far, too late. I am calling my attorney today. I will be the wheels back in motion. WH has no clue and I do not care to tell him. He is no longer my problem. It will be me protecting my kids and my own heart from this day forward. I do not think my H is wanting to change. Yes, God can do miracles but you have to be a willing participant. I do not believe he is. I do believe he will regret his choices but that is not my problem.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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FF-
I hope that you are doing okay, you are in my prayers.
-Caren
Always Look For Grace Given, Even in the midst of Grace Denied.
BS-Me 39
WH-37
Together 15 years
Married 12 years
7 kids total, His: SD20, SS18, Twin SS's 16.
Mine: DD22, DD15
Ours: DD12
Affair began Fall 04, Separated Fall 04,2 Failed Plan B attempts, False recovery of sorts Spring 05.......Still pluggin' away.
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FF, dang and drat. And (((((((((((((((((FF))))))))))))))
and (((((((((((Katy)))))))))))))))) too.
Thank God for this Board and for the wonderful input and support they give.
Only you know how much you can endure. I'm so sorry.
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Joined: Jul 2004
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Bellevue and Caren, thanks for checking in on me. Doing ok. DD starts C with my former IC next week.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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