Another reason folks have no clue -

My niece's husband cheated on her, and the OW got PG. This was before I found this site. She is a gorgeous girl, with a kind and caring personality. She is an RN who works in oncology and also teaches other nurses. She has everything going for her.

Her husband, on the other hand was always spoiled and immature. I could never figure out why she was so depressed. (This was before it happened to me). She went to bed for months, and just couldn't get it together.

Now I feel so bad for not being more supportive of her grief. It just seemed to me that she would be able to move on and find a better match.

This is what most people feel, that one can just move on and find someone better. Or that one SOULD just move on and be happy. Trying to apply logic to something as illogical as love is something you learn only after you have been there.

Love has it's own time table, this I believe with all my heart and many here would even disagree but I am one of the strongest survivors I know and if I can't stop loving someone by pure will than I know it can't be done that easily.

But I think that what we can do is listen to them, with understanding that the love they feel is very real. And help them to find a way to cope and get to the point where they can find joy again, and help them find ways to save their relationship if that is what they truly want.

One just cannot measure another's pain or the loss they feel in reference to their own.

I get so tired of people who think they know what is best for another person, or for me. Especially in regards to my own heart and love, which they cannot possibly begin to know.

But I am digressing again aren't I.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Weaver -

I know that now. It was simply awful what my niece went through. I'm prejudiced of course, but she really is a beautiful woman, inside and out. She worked long hours - 12 hours a day, kept a nice home, cooked, and supported her husband.

He was in a rock band.

Anyway, after D-day, she came completely undone. She could hardly get out of bed. This went on for almost a year. My SIL and I got her out of the house a few times, but basically she just gave up. That was 4 years ago, and she still is not dating.

By the way, her WH married the PG OW, and stayed with her for 2 years. Then he wanted to go back with my niece. Luckily, by that time, she was done. Her WH is now divorced and paying child support. He HATES the OW/wife.

There's lots of shallow people out there -- and for those people, one guy is pretty much like another, and each is replaceable. Someone called these the "optimists." For the pessimists, however, each individual is unique and irreplaceable.

But when you see someone as a soul, and the huge damage they are inflicting on themselves and others, it is an unforgettable tragedy.

That's where the denial comes in. People want that NOT to be the truth.

I know that now. As soon as it happened to me, I immediately thought of my niece. I realized in an instant what she went through.

Yes AM for us people are unique and irreplaceble.

Believer your neice loves deeply and completely when she loves. She is beautiful but has this quality (or burden as it was with ex), she will hopefully meet someone who will love as deeply as her or she will suffer again.

I think most of us on this board fit into that category, to us we love deeply and those we love are unique and irreplaceble as AM said.

This is our cross to bear, but it is also what gives us our beauty and ability to be truly happy.

We just have to find a way to channel it so it brings us joy instead of pain.