The letter I sent him was also forwarded to our friends and family but not to the OW.
He is going to be so angry with me.
I don't think I can be any more angry then I am right now, I actually feel very calm, which is scarey!!
I feel like such an f-ing idiot, I think I am more angry with myself.
The thing I am angriest about is that when he moved out in April and then lost his job, I allowed him to move back home for financial reasons, I thought it would save my marriage, even though I knew he had planned a trip with OW in May.
I never should have let him come back, maybe then I could have prevented all of this stuff.
I really am scared that I have ruined any chance of saving my marriage.
I am scared of losing him forever, but i know that I could not go on like this anymore, it was driving me crazy

Do you think the letter will cause more damage then good?
Will he ever calm down after he knows that the game is up?
Or will it just make him want to run into ow's arms even more?
I don't want divorce for my family.
I believe that God can perform miracles, but I am feeling hopeless right now

Hi, fredswife.

Quote:
==========================================
I really am scared that I have ruined any chance of saving my marriage.
==========================================

Please try to relax. Do something fun with the kids today.

You have ruined nothing except their affair. Roaches hate the light of day.

Over the next few days, you are going to find your fears growing smaller, and your strength growing stronger. It's nice to know you aren't nuts, and that your initial perceptions of things being skewed were correct. You are going to do a lot of growing for a while, and that will be tough, but you will get through it.

Don't waste your time second guessing yourself and feeling guilty. The walk you are walking is tough for anyone, even for mean old birds :-)

You can't control him, so don't worry about losing him forever, you can't control 'forever' either. Place your emphasis on what you can control, not on what you can't. None of us know the outcomes of our lives.

Gimble

Hi, fredswife.

Quote:
=============================
I believe that God can perform miracles, but I am feeling hopeless right now
=============================

You might want to blink and have a look at what's going on right now. Seems to me that there is a miracle in progress. Huge changes have already occurred, events have been set in motion. I don't think I would call that cheese.

Gimble

MY HUSBAND SENT ME THIS EMAIL THIS MORNING
You need to calm down. You are not thinking or seeing clearly. I know I am wasting my tim ewriting this t oyou becase you nevre listen to what I say. Yo unever have. When I was hurting you made fun of me and told me to toughen up. You acuse me of not appreciating your feelings when all I have done is try to accommodate your feelings even when you are angry and abusive. Pleae calm down. Please take a bresth. I am no ttrying to hurt you. I just don't want to be dragged into the drama of your circus. I cannot handle the hysteria. I want to talk to you but you have gone over the deep end. I am sorry if you wnt to blame me for your loss of control. I ahve been tryig nto reach out to you but you act without thinking. I have a HUGE presentation on Tuesday and I will not let you ****** up another opporunity for me. I need to be calm and confident and stress-free. Your timing could not be worse. You say you need assurances and a plan and trust. It doesn't matter what I offer you, you will turn it into whatever your demons desire. You make me regret ever telling you anything aout my life because you turn it into a weapon against me. I think you ar pre-menstrual and you need sommedication. I know you don't like this, but you are again going over again in another overblown episode. I can't deal with this. You push me farther and farther away. I am not running away. Yo ca nnl yblame yourself and your embittered actions. No one is trying to take anything from you. No one has a secret agenda. YOUR actions are exactly why I want to get out of our marriage. The drama and the hysteria have got to stop. I only recoil from you. I have no plans to harm you. I am not running away with another woman. I am in California trying to get a job and I have very little support--even from the preson wo should be calm and helpful...YOU. I am tryign to be patient and you hate me for it. I am trying to be respectful and you take that as weakness. Try to gain some composure for your children's sake and stop this. I am not trying to hurt you.

MY HUSBAND THINKS I AM INSANE, I AM NOT PREMENSTRUAL, I DO NOT NEED MY MEDS.
EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS TWISTED AROUND TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE I AM CRAZY.

Fredswife ~ now that you have exposed his affair to your family, you need do need to calm down.

While I think your husband's email is full of BS, there are some hints in that email as to what you CAN do to start plan A. Angry outbursts, and selfish demands on your part will not attract him back to the marriage.

Angry outbursts and selfish demands won't get him to support you financially either.

Take your attention away from what he is or is not doing, as much as you can, and start focusing on what you can do to pull together your life for yourself and your children's sake.

No more lying to yourself or other people about what your husband is doing. But no more lovebusting either, ok? You aren't helping anyone if you allow your emotions to be in charge.

Hi, fredswife.

I hope that you can see the absolute depth of manipulation he is attempting in that email. Honestly, it is one of the worst attempts at manipulation that I have seen since I have been here.

For your peace of mind, I recommend that you believe absolutely NONE of it, and file it away for the day when HE is in his right mind, so that you can show him what he sent you. You could also simply delete the email.

I think you should save it for the lawyer if needed.

You are not crazy. Congratulations for taking control of your life again. Be good to your kids.

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, fredswife.

Quote:
=================================
MY HUSBAND THINKS I AM INSANE, I AM NOT PREMENSTRUAL, I DO NOT NEED MY MEDS.
EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS TWISTED AROUND TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE I AM CRAZY.
=================================

No one here thinks you are insane. We never did.

You are angry because you have stepped outside the fog of your denial and seen the severity of the deception you have been living under. Anger is normal at this point in time. Keep it civil as best you can, but don't stuff your anger right now. Don't argue with your husband, but do tell him how what he has done has made you feel. Try to do it in a calm manner. Don't expect sympathy.

If you can afford it, please go buy or checkout from a library, a book titled "Torn Asunder" by Dave Carder. It will explain some of what you are experiencing right now. The other books referenced on this site are excellent, but I think that book does a particularly good job at dealing with the anger and anguish that a betrayed spouse feels.

Go and read the articles on this site about Plan A. That will be the next step for you.

God bless,
Gimble

TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE AS MANIPULATION.
I AM CONFUSED.
I DON'T KNOW WHICH END IS UP RIGHT NOW, AND I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU SEE.

SIL JUST CALLED.
MY H IS SPENDING THE WEEKEND AT OW HOUSE, SUPPOSEDLY HOUSESITTING.
HE HAS BEEN THERE SINCE YESTERDAY, HAS NOT CALLED THE KIDS IN 3 DAYS, HE IS SUCH A JERK!!!!

he had the nerve to send that email from her computer, he has been at her house since friday and won't be back until tomorrow.
And I am the one who is not trustworthy

i snooped, i found out more information then I needed to know i feel sick to my stomach, his cell phone is off and I am so angry

I keep hearing the term "snooped" on this board. It must have been coined by a WS. I would call it "investigated." Also, is it more information than you need to know, or more information than you wanted to be true? I think you needed to know. You have discovered more factual information to substantiate your claim that H is in an A.
BTW, be glad the cell phone is off--you are probably too hot right now to have a conversation that isn't filled with LBs. (I sat on all of my evidence for more than 3 weeks after I had solid proof, just because I knew I'd loose my cool. Of course, I lost it anyway, but not NEARLY as bad as it would have been!)
I'm not praying for a miracle--I'm praying that you emerge from this (whatever the outcome) a stronger, healthier, happier person!!! That's not a miracle--that's gonna happen!

Hi fredswife.

Quote:
========================
TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE AS MANIPULATION.
========================

I will do so late tonight as I am running short on time right now. Also, I am glad you investigated. I am sorry that the information you discovered hurt you. Please keep copies of what you found for your lawyer should things go that way.

It is very common for the wayward spouse to 'bad mouth' the betrayed spouse and blame all of their troubles the betrayed spouse.

I am sorry for your pain.

God bless,
Gimble

Fred'sWife -

The WS usually turns it around to make the BS crazy and the one to blame. I won't even go into the details of what happened to me, but WH continued to lie so much and tell me I was crazy that I was beginning to believe it myself. I know some of how you are feeling.

Even after I caught the OW and he in bed together, he denied it.

I think it is best to calmly let him know that you know he is lying, and you don't want to hear anymore lies. That is what I finally did, because the lying was so continual that I started hating him.

Hang in there. This can only get better.

How do you know a WS is lying?

His/her lips are moving.

You can't make a WS fess up and be honest.

promise!!!

he has made me out to be something that is so untrue, i cn not believe he is so damn two faced

If I invaded a personal email account can i go to jail??
like i said i snooped, i was having a desperate moment, and wanted to see if what i was feeling was real.
Now i am scared for invasion of privacy.