Thanks for the info..he did in fact golf that day as I found his credit card receipt from the course.

I read his email, and at least he is not as fogged up as the usual WS. At least he realizes that he is crazy, and not acting right. That is somewhat unusual.

He did give you some good information though. He will not do very well if you go to Plan B. I think I would get strong enough to EXPOSE, and get ready for Plan B.

Sorry, but I think that is what its gonna take to get him back to the family.

what do you mean by that he wouldnt do very well w/ me going to Plan B?

I know I need to expose, I want to, I do, I am sick of living this lie..going around smiling pretending we are happy to everyone when, if fact, I am just dying inside. Everyone thinks he is such a great H...if they only knew the truth.

He seems to like his home life, and his little wifey making everything nice. Also you are very involved in raising his kids.

If you go to Plan B, he will have to take care of his home, his children, and rely on the OW for all of his needs. Personally, I don't think she is up to it.

But you can't do Plan B UNTIL you have EXPOSED.

He says that he has no intentions on living w/ anyone if he isnt w/ me. He says that he needs to get his head clear..I (me) have done everything our entire marriage: pay the bills, run the kids around (my step-children), take care of the house, etc. OW barely spends time w/ her own son (back & forth to his dad's)and is not a very clean person (house wise), I can tell you that..again, totally unlike me...she is like the bizaro me.

As far as Exposure, He will be sooo furious...he is a very private person...doesnt like anyone knowing ANY of our business; money, if we are bickering, nothing like that..he doesnt even confide in his brothers or parents about anything..always keeps everything to himself...and now he has his little girlfriend too, to himself. But of course, only because I am basically allowing it by not saying anything to anyone.

Well, if you don't want him to be FURIOUS, then I guess you will just have to keep stuffing your anger.

Your husband and OW will continue doing what they please, as they both know that you will allow their affair, and keep it secret.

just made an appt. w/ my primary...told receptionist why I needed to see her (anxiety/depression) & she was going to put me in @1 : I live an hour away so not possible..so I have an appt for 9 on Monday..

Maybe if I get some medication I wont be so ruled over emotions and can start acting on what I want to do.

Good. You are taking steps to help yourself and your family. Meds really helped me settle down and do what I needed to do.

By the way, listen to Ark - she is one of the expert experts around here. But do let he know that the affair is being carried on right under your nose.

thank you...took over 2 months to make that call to my Primary. I thought I could keep it together but I find that I have very little patience, cant tolerate chaos in the house, dont sleep very well, yadda yadda..I do have good days but the past couple have been "not so good" so if I didnt call today, who knows when I would have..

AD's are well worth the effort. I took them for just over a year - got two promotions during that time. Then, when I was feeling fine again, I gradually tapered off with doc's okay. Still feeling GREAT.

Well I am praying that it works for me also and I can start thinking w/ my head instead of my emotions...Ark, gave me a letter of response and I have been working on revising it slightly before I give it to him...Hard to go between 2 different threads...fewww..getting tired..

Follow Ark's advice. She is one of the best!!!!

BELIEVER!!!!!!!!!!!

oh pshaaaaaaaaw...

ark

Well I just gave the letter to my H (the one Ark gave me) so we shall see how or if he responds...I did like Ark said..nothing demanding, no accusations.

he expects you to argue or blame back with him from that letter..

or to deny he's that bad...which he is...

and you did none of that...

good girl

No I just expressed how great it was for him to put his feelings aside and to think of me and how I am feeling. How I understand what he must be going through and the decisions he needs to make for himself. I also put at the end that I loved him

Instead of going back and forth between threads..I copied my response to your last question (from letter from WS, please pick apart thread).

Reasons not to expose:
1. dont want him to be angry
2. dont want his family to think that I am trying to make him look bad
What I want for our marriage:
1. I want our marriage to be as good or better than it was four years ago
2. to do things as a family again...we used to have Sunday family days..he doesnt want to do anything..just wants to stay home..says it is his favorite place to be
What is intolerable in my world:
1. I dont want to share my husband w/ OW and have her know all of his deepest thoughts, fears, intimate details, sharing things about day to day life that I am not keyed in on

Believer,

Just got back from the dr....my first step in beginning to take care of myself and start to think w/ a clearer head (I hope)...dr. interviewed me, gave me a questionnaire to complete...she absolutely agreed that I should start taking some anti-d's as long as I was willing...so, Of course I said yes..have to go back in a week. She also suggested that I make an appt. to see a counselor of some sort

I thought the original letter that your WS recently gave you said

I would even go to counseling...BUT...blah blah blah..

have you called his bluff and set up counseling together yet?

Also did you send the reply
did he respond?

ark

That is GREAT news. It is good to see you taking care of yourself.