The last few days have been rough....WW doesn't call as much and doesn't come by the house anymore.

I left her a text message yesterday and she called me right back. She sounded sad...I asked her if she was OK and she told me she felt like she was lost. I asked her if she wanted to talk about it and that she could tell me anything. I wouldn't get mad, I would just listen. She then said she doesn't know what she wants....I asked her what do you hope for...She said she doesn't know.

I want to reach out to her, but I don't know what to say her without pushing her away. She sounds so sad, I want to just ask her to come home already and work on our marriage...forget all this BS.

allow her the respect to reach bottom

pain is a wonderful motivator

be available if SHE reaches out to you

avoid reaching in toward her without an invitation

Tell her "My door is open if you want to talk"

translation:

the affair is ongoing and it is ripping her to shreds

GOOD!

This means your Plan A is having the desired effect !!!!!!

Keep going!

Thanks for the advise Pep...you're the best <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Well WW wife called me and asked if wanted to do a run with her today and I agreed.

Another question while she is in this sad state, would it be wise to keep on exposing the A to more people or wait to see where this goes?

Well WW wife called me and asked if wanted to do a run with her today and I agreed.

good.... this is the "carrot" of Plan A

Another question while she is in this sad state, would it be wise to keep on exposing the A to more people or wait to see where this goes?

[b]the "stick" of Plan A is to allow your wife to fully feel the impact of her choice ... ask yourself if she is feeling the full impact, then decide.... I personally might wait a few days myself.

Yesterday was a better day....we had our run then came home and gave each other massages (no SF though). No R or A talk just trying to be a husband.

She seems to be de-fogging but I am not sure. She has invited me to go with her to one of her business trips and she wants to come with me when I leave town for a bike ride. It feels good to know she wants me to be with her on these trips.

She also agreed to read some infidelity books I have been reading and agreed to go on a couples retreat i Nov. She didn't seem mad in me asking her to do these things.

But what I hate is that we are STILL seperated....I hate to think about what she is doing while she's alone at her place. I hope she is really opening up here.

baby steps are good

WW went to Boston for business for a few days. While she was gone she called me a couple times to ask how I was doing. She even took the time to go and buy me a few dress shirts. She still tells me ILY and doesn’t seem as defensive. It seems as though the fog is lifting little by little, but I am keeping my guard up.

We are still separated and I can’t watch her, so I don’t know if she is NC with OM. She says she is using this time to stay busy and work out to get herself into the shape she was in years ago. We actually work out together at least once a week.

What concerns me is I don’t see any signs of withdrawal… is that a bad sign?

I will be accompanying her on a business trip to Arizona this weekend….

Question: She still seems distant as far as intimacy…Should I do anything romantic for her while I’m on this trip to woo her more? Or should I just do the “be a friend to her routine” and wait for her to respond? I really want her to start opening up to me and tell me some of her feelings.

Change,

Play it by ear. She is still checking to see if she has you on the hook while the affair continues. YOU DO NOT WANT HER HOME IF THE AFFAIR IS GOING ON. Do you understand that? I hope so. One of THE conditions of her returning is that no contact has been established and that she explain to you how you will know. If she says you will "just have to trust me", express to her that "trusting" has NOT worked so far and she will have to earn trust, what is her plan?

You can do this very calmly, very quietly, very resolutely. She will need to face and fix some of the damage she has done. You will still be doing the heavy lifting in this for awhile, but eventually she will join you. Your plan A is planting seeds Changed, nuture them, water them, and when it is time for plan B those seeds will sprout without you around.

Then and only then will you have a chance to recover your marriage. Plan A plants them, nutures them and plan B allows them to sprout. These two plans work together.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL