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He then proceeded to tell me that he is going to have the rental income put into an escrow account and that niether one of us will have control over that until after the divorce. Can he do that or is he blowing smoke up my skirt? Am I sounding like I'm trying to take him for a ride?? If I am somebody tell me, cause I really don't want to be vindictive....I just want to make sure I can make it on my own.
That is not vindictive, that is the business of divorce. Both expensive and tragic.
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Thanks Pep....I think I listen to WH too much and start to doubt my intentions...
The thing that bugs me the most is he has thousands of $$ extra in cash, I have none....and he's complaining of being broke and having to have to give me two weeks of his wages for child support. And he tries to make me feel like such a bi*** in all this.
Thanks again
Take care,
~Jamie~
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Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
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Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
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Posts: 128
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I want this over with...... I just made WH an offer (via email) - I'll take the mortgage and drop spousal support and leave his pension alone if in return he could give me a lump sum of $$ to allow me to buy a cheap mini-van and have enough left over to put in the bank for an emergency (like if someone is late paying the rent, I can still make the mortgage payment), this would help eleviate some of my biggest fears.
Waiting to see if he responds.......
Take care,
~Jamie~
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Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 633
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Posts: 633 |
Did you discuss this with your lawyer before you sent him the e-mail? Bypassing your lawyer makes his existance quite pointless. Don't offer anything that you aren't ok with. Their plan is to get you to bow down to them, don't fall for it.
Danielle
H met OW- 8/3/04 while I was on vacation.
False Recovery- 9/18/04, 10/26/04, 5/11/05
H said he wants a DV and marry OW 11/7/04
Divorce final 10/27/05
Son-5yr Daughter-2 1/2yr
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Hiya Dani,
NO - I didn't discuss this with my lawyer..but I gave great consideration as to what I would need in order to get by. My lawyer would only ask me if I thought I would be able to swing with that decision...and I can. But it really doesn't matter a whole lot b/c I am pretty confident that WH won't go with what I proposed...unless of coarse he REALLY is looking to get married. So we'll see.....
Take care,
~Jamie~
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Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128
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Posts: 128 |
Update :
Final papers are being drawn up today and divorce should be final by the end of next week.
Although I want closure, it would have been nice to know that WH had some remorse for his decision, but he hasn't, he has never shown that he regretted giving up 15 years. It's kind of hard on my ego. To think that I was that easy to forget and live without.
So, next week as we leave the courthouse, I will be in tears and WH will be giddy with delight as he has told me, he and OW want to have a formal engagement (what??!!).
Take care,
~Jamie~
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Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128
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Posts: 128 |
Oh pooh.....D might not happen now until the end of this month..
Just taking it day... by day... by day.......
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Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 633
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 633 |
How are things going Jamie?
I have been thinking about you...
Danielle
H met OW- 8/3/04 while I was on vacation.
False Recovery- 9/18/04, 10/26/04, 5/11/05
H said he wants a DV and marry OW 11/7/04
Divorce final 10/27/05
Son-5yr Daughter-2 1/2yr
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128
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Posts: 128 |
Hey Danielle...... I'm doing pretty good for the most part. Thanks for asking!!
Divorce is slated for the 28th at 8:45am. I have mixed emotions about it. I'm incredibly sad to say goodbye to 14 years of marriage to my bestfriend. But looking forward to getting out of the limbo that I've been in for over a year. I'm excited about gaining back my independence and running my own life.
WH has shown no remorse for his choices. He seems to be quite content in his new life with his new family.
Take care,
~Jamie~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128 |
WH and OW are coming to get the kids today to take them to OW D-11 soccer game. This is one of the things that bother me....WH hardly ever went to our kids games and when he did he would bring a book or mag to read. He now goes to all her kids games and has all summer. Our oldest son (18) commented on it a couple weeks ago...even though he is not WH bio son, it still hurt him to know that the man that raised him is now more attentive to OW's children then he was/is to our four kids. WH doesn't even seem to show any guilt in that fact. It's so very sad =(
Take care,
~Jamie~
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Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 128 |
WH, our two kids, OW and her two kids all went to SIL home yesterday for a birthday party for SIL's 3 year old. OW got to meet the whole family! They stayed for 4 hours!
Not one person in that family has spoken out against his affair. I have always felt loved and accepted by my IL. This really hurts...the fact that no-one has said anything to WH. I'm not sure what they think of OW, but they are dealing with it and making her feel accepted as well.
Makes me wonder if everyone is really glad that I'm out of the picture. Could I really be that unloveable?? Forgettable? I've felt pretty confident lately.... now my selfesteem has taken a hit....
3 more days to divorce...... 3 more days until I'm thrust into single-hood again....
I know there is some positives out there...somewhere....I'm just having a hard time finding them and holding on to them.
Sorry I'm rambling on...... tomorrow is another day....
Onward through the fog..........................
Take care,
~Jamie~
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Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
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Posts: 11,539 |
Just curious why your kids are spending time with OW? No, this is not about you being unloveable..this is about IL's not wanting to "make waves". I have pretty much written myself out of my inlaws life because of their acceptance of WH's A and OC.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Posts: 128
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Posts: 128 |
Hi faithful -
Kids spend time with their dad and he lives with OW so therefore they inadvertantly spend time with her and her children. I have not allowed them to spend overnights with WH and OW until she and him were both divorced. OW divorce was final 2 weeks ago, ours will be final this Wednesday.
just a side note here..wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar....WH has mentioned to me 2x about having OW children (S-13 & D-11) come and spend the night here with our kids so that I can see how well they get along and for me to see how great her kids are!!??!! Isn't this just a tad bizzare?? Is this a common request amongst WS?
I don't have any annamosity against OW kids, I did meet OW daughter when WH came to get the kids yesterday. Our daughter and OW daughter were standing side by side and at a quick glance you'd think they were sisters.....it was uncanny...same hair cut, same hair color and they are the same hieght. I feel so bad for all these kids involved...it just isn't right.
Take care,
~Jamie~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me (40)
WH (39)
Married May 4,1991
4 kids S(18)D(17)D(13)S(11)
He left March 14,2005
Informed about MOW (co-worker) March 23,2005
I filed for D in June 2005
Divorce final - Sept.28,2005
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peace is not the absence of conflict: It's that state we can deal with conflict effectively, efficiently and respectfully.
~Randolf Lowry~
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