My husband has lived with and supported his ex-wife and adult children for 5 years behind my back. I have been denied any benefits of marriage but have shared in ALL of the tax liens, attorney bills, and losses. I live with my son now as I cannot endure this life of lies. I have just discovered the joint checking account, car insurance, home ownership, life and medical insurance, etc that he kept with her and his adult children while he lived this secret double life. He claims he HAD to leave this support in place because the ex-wife knew it was illegal and unreported income and she could send him to jail if he didn't give her what she wanted. So now all this illegal cash is gone and he wants to start fresh with me, as if we just met. He left me destitute while he added to her 401k, bought new cars for everyone, paid the kids college, bought ski trips and luxury items for her, the grown kids, his mom and his sister. He says he concealed his excess cash and his bank records to protect me from any involvement. Says he couldn't share his income with me because I needed to be kept safe, just in case. Says he LOVES ME and that's why he kept me from his family and from the truth.
I've never met his friends, neighbors, doctors, children, or had a family holiday with him in 5 years. I have been made "the other woman" as he pretended to remain married to HER. Does anyone know how I can recover from financial and emotional infidelity? He refuses to give me a divorce. I am too poor to seek one again. But I am devasted to be in this as married on paper only.

Please call your local district attorney's office and legal aide services. They will give you information. You need legal assistance at once. Do not delay.

I tried that. No one believes me. I have no "evidence" of his activities as all the records, mail, etc. are still in the home they share. 1st wife claims he forged her signature on the divorce and he's a bigamist by marrying me. I am trapped in the twilight zone. Attorneys cost $200 an hour and I am flat broke. He blocks every attempt to just undo this.
I've never signed a joint tax return with him, his secrecy disturbed me, so for that I am safe. But I do need an end to this BS or whatever his real cover up is about.

Any other resources to try?

Contact the local bar association, ask if they can refer you to a pro bono attorney because of your situation. Also look into legal clinics. This guy has been doing a number on you.

You mentioned 1st wife: did you actually talk to her, or is what she said "second hand" relayed by your H? If she is telling the truth about your H forging her signature, he could be up on bigamy charges. You are the innocent party.

How to recover? By taking charge and getting information, and getting your H prosecuted if he did forge a legal document. See an attorney (Bar Association, above.)

Is the man from a foreign country or was he born in America?

Thank you all for your thoughtful suggestions. I'm afraid to go to the DA or legal aid. First, because my story is so out of the ordinary and I sound crazy (even to the three divorce attorneys I spoke with, my friends and my family) and second, I really don't want to destroy his family by being the one who put him in jail, if that's even possible. He's had 3 major heart attacks in the past two years and I don't want it on my head if more stress (or an arrest) kills him. He has a loving Dad and his children still need him.

He claims the "unreported income" was in place more than 25 years ago. Statute of limitations is now over. And with no money left for her to continue the blackmail, the ex has finally moved out of his house.

What I need foremost is a plan to save me. I'm reliving every lie and cover story and I can't get it out of my head. I can barely concentrate to work. I have spells of uncontrollable crying. When I thought I was honoring his request for space and allowing time for his 20 and 24 year old to adjust to Dad's new marriage, I was actually allowing this double life to happen just 25 minutes from our home.

I'm consumed with anger and resentment. I'm on anti-depressants now for the first time in my life. I feel he made me a mistress (rings didn't make us married)and I hate that I'm the subject of gossip at work because everyone knows about his pretend life with her and how I've been deserted. I'm seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow to look for a way to re-group.

This has destroyed my self-esteem and left me to feel so stupid. How could I have believed all the lies? It hurts to know someone you loved would betray you month after month, protecting his secrets, and to know it only ended when HE WAS SAFE from the crime.

As for the forgery allegation, it came straight from ex-wife, but how do I trust the blackmailer? If it is true, why didn't SHE bring the issue to court?

He continues to seek my forgiveness now that the "truth" has come out. He wants a new beginning. He says he's been selfish and thoughtless. I call it emotional and financial abuse. I was denied ORDINARY things: how much is in the checkbook, what do we owe, and can I meet your adult children?

Since many of you have been betrayed by infedelity, we may share similar emotions of grief and humiliation. I was hoping someone had a coping strategy to pass along. This is my 4th marriage and I feel like such a failure. This one seems hopeless. I just feel dead inside and I don't trust him at all.

Did anyone here find a coping method that would help me feel like me again? Just so I can think clearly enough to be sure of a couse of action?

thanks again

OPO,
You must feel so overwhelmed. Don't worry about seeing a DA, you should really do it. They will protect you. Don't cover for him or former family, you will only be enabling him to continue in his lies/crimes. He is trying to act like everything has come out, how do you really know??? Your ?H may still be lying to cover himself, don't believe him.

Did you get copies of everything you discovered?
You say that you have discovered joint checking accounts, car insurance, homeownership life and medical insurance with ?exW etc....
That should be enough for a divorce with help of legal aide. Also the DA may be able to lead you to more resources, and may be able to help in the divorce process also.
I don't know to much about the law, but he should be prosecuted for what you are saying.

Does he work?

I wouldn't be worrying about his health or F?XW & children.

You can do all to protect what you have left. Has he used any of your fincances, credit cards to support his former family? Did he obtain loans to support former family? You need to know these things, and get into court quickly.

Where did he get the "illegal and unreported cash"? I wouldn't believe him about the 25 yr statute of limitations either. Some are sooooo cunning! From what you are saying, it's not your fault!

Do you have a church or cleric that you can talk to?

Please go to the DA, you will feel better you did. If you don't you may have more regrets in the future!

Hoping for a quick recovery for you OPO. Your recovery will be quicker once he is caught, then leave it to the DA and investigators to handle. Please expose everything he has done, and do not tell him what you are doing!!


Lady

I am sorry you are going through this...

I don't know if this will help or hurt, but here is my 2cents:

If I were you I would ask him for all the documents and proof of this double life before you decide to reconcile. When you do receive the documents; make copies and keep them in a safe place.

I am not suggesting you trick him, I just think before you reconcile he should turn over these documents as a demonstration of his new honest self.

Your welfare is at stake, and he needs to understand he has to prove himself again as well as give you proof so you may protect yourself if you decide to stay in the marriage.

Good Luck,
Rachel

Hi Rachel,

This is exactly what my divorce attorney said. H has agreed (in words only) to provide access to all of these things but he never does. Claims the checkbook info is with the tax attorney, the car insurance is now in his name only and he "lost" the former card and joint policy statement, and he's no longer on her health insurance since "someone" turned them in for fraud. At least he got caught for some of it!
All mail and supporting documents are kept in his home which I've never had access to.

I only discovered much of this the one day he brought me to the house. It was 3 years after he SAID she had moved out (divorced for 2 yrs) and yet there were ALL of her clothes, her mail, the joint bank statement, her make-up & jewelry, and of course all of his things as well. I was devastated. Our whole life together was a lie. Everything I thought to be true was not.

It was after this discovery that he "confessed" to the story of having done something illegal in the past and that he was blackmailed into living this pretend marriage to continue giving her money for her silence. Claims he never slept with her just shared his money long enough to be safe from her going to the cops or telling the kids.

And, It could all be just another lie to make me look ridiculous if I were to go to the DA with no proof of any of it. I'd look like another vengeful ex-wife out to get him. We were together for 5 years but only married for 1. If you can call this married. I live with my son, he still lives in THEIR home.

H has never hit me so I didn't feel the DA could do anything for me other than look into the money crime. But H is incredibly skilled at covering his tracks. H probably DID take 25 years to use up the money so there'd be no suspicious trail to follow. And the ex has had her hands all in it so she won't be letting any secrets out anytime soon.

So I took today off to see a psychiatrist, finally. I will tell him all I know and see what he has to say. My Christian counselor said- just leave, get a no fault divorce and chalk it up to a bad experience. But I'm locked into grief over how this could happen to me. I can't get it behind me and I did leave. And without proof of his crime, if there was one, I don't know the DA would even listen to me.

Emotional abuse is abuse but it's not a crime in Georgia. From what I can tell, not supporting me financially is not a crime either. And concealing his finances is not a crime, it's just privacy. So according to the law, he's done nothing but lie and THAT'S not a crime either. The joint accounts with the ex IS a violation of their divorce decree BUT it's contempt of court only if SHE brings charges as the decree was contracted between them. I'm an outsider to it.

There are no laws to protect me. I feel like a non-person, with no rights at all. I've used up all of my savings to support myself, I barely make ends meet, and he offers nothing at all. I'm so ashamed of being in this life. All I want is a chance to feel normal again.

Hi OPO,

It wouldn't hurt to see a DA, they could get investigators
and it wouldn't cost you a dime.
Investigators are very smart, they know what to do.
Professional criminals hide thier tracks, investigators uncover them. Thats thier job.

Your ?H knows he doesn't have to give lawyers papers, and now he knows they are wanted he hid them. But, if supbeonaed, he will have no choice. And if he got rid of them, the investigators will find them.


Try to write down everything step by step, dates, what you saw, what you heard, where accounts were if you remember.

I went through a similar experience years ago, just not to your extent, and I know its overwhelming. I got married.
After marriage husband wanted to work in another city and visit. I thought married people live together. He had a previous wife and children he was supporting, that I found out about by his sister-in-law. He had another bank account that officials told me about that he was probably supporting them from. He forged a previous divorce document, but we couldn't prove it because it was a copy, not the original.

Trust me, I was devastated when I found out everything. We were married and divorced in 13 months. After a few months he called me and said "he was sorry for his all cunningness, he was just deperate!"

It took me a few years to recover. I am a Christian too, and I actually believed God was saying it was okay to marry him. The day we married it rained! God was probably crying!!

I hope you heal quicker than I did.

Love, Lady

Hi Ladysheep,

I'm home from my session. He wants to see me tomorrow. All I did was cry and try to get the story out. He's never seen this kind of scenario either.

He asked me why I haven't divorced H yet and I told him the truth about having accepted H's job offer in 2002 and that he still owed me just over $ 10,000 from the 2 years I was with him. I do get drips and drabs of it back and it is how I've managed to float my bills at all. H has a large salary from 1 company, earns commissions as a rep from another, AND gets all the profit from the business he owns. H spends 99% of it on himself. Had 6 new cars in the driveway at one time! Hey, how much is ENOUGH?

Psychiatrist is now trying to delve into WHY I'm so trusting. See how it always goes back to my fault? No wonder I feel foolish.

I hope tomorrows session has a more positive direction for me. Todays good advice offering of: "you need a better paying job" was not worth the $ 110.00 price tag. No Duhhhh, I need more salary to make it on my own. Let's don't even discuss the salary H renegged on or the 401k I don't have anymore or even the poor job reference he USES to keep me too broke to go after him with an attorney. No, lets keep this in perspective and only work on what YOU have in your control.

Very helpful indeed. Maybe I'm taking it out on the Psy and I don't even know it. I want control over my life. I want ALL of my money back and I want ALL of my life back before all the shame of his double life rained on me.

I like the DA idea better and better. I look foolish already so there's almost nothing to lose. I really think H is sabatoging my job search anyway. But my God, how do I avoid him as a reference or explain 2 years of "no job at all"? I can't lie and say I travelled Europe or went to school.

Can I say I was picked up by aliens and the Mothership returned me to Earth in Dec of 2004?

Me-45 (I am Christmas Spirit but fading fast)
H- 53 (SCROOGE)
Engaged 9/2002
Married 10/2004
D-Day 7/2005
My marriage #4 (4 years each for 1st 3)
His M-#2 (24 yrs to # 1 and 3 more yrs of pretend M!)

Hi OPO,

I went to Psych immediately following my devastation too. I went from one med to another. Therapy too. But overall I look back and it really didn't help me at all. They really didn't tell me anything I didn't know, I did most of the talking and they said nothing. Some AD's made me more depressed than ever. That was another terrible experience in itself, but it does help some I think????
Lots of prayer, a woman multi daily vitamin, w/ extra B helped me a lot. Friends that I would talk thier ears off for hours and days, all for free!!!!

You made a good point, what is the sense? He told you you need a job. He asked you why you trust so easily? Big deal all for $110.00, crazy!!! And you can cry just about anywhere for free. If you can find a christian counselor, many prayer chains, it helps alot. If you are worried about finances w/ Psych, there are free outlets available.

I think humiliation that I could have trusted him was the worst, then having to protect myself from everything else came next. I wasn't worried about his money because I don't think he had much, as does your ?H, and I never did know how much he had in the other account I found out about. I was just interested in getting a divorce after finding out everything. I had a job at the time, the best job I had ever had, but because I was so depressed I had to go out of work. I began to cry at work, couldn't sleep, it was terrible!! Then I went on sick leave for a few years so I lived on that income which was very little but helpful. The Psych's were helpful in that they confirmed that I had "severe depression" so that I could recieve sick leave benefits, but as far as treatment, I had to look to the other outlets I told you about beause thier treatment was so generic, but they benefited well w/ the money my insurance was paying them. Trust me, the best help comes without a "price tag attached." Someone coming just to give me a good laugh, a friend sitting with me to comfort me. Someone sitting to pray w/ me meant more to me than any amount of money, pysch, or therapist.

The problem w/ your situation is that your ?H was your boss, and he may not be giving a good reference. If I was you, I would put all your job description, but explain also to any interviewer that this man owes you $10,000 from your previous job. That he is you H, and you are separated at this time, and that he might not say nice things for a reference. Just be honest with the interviewer about everything. Tell the interviewer he was still w/ XW, supporting his XW and adult children, and you found out everything and left the job. Then let him know your good qualities and skills.

Okay, now lets get to you ?H lies.



Probably not true, because it sounds like to me that he has enough money now, w/ his own companies, to support everyone.
"Unreported income" from 25 years ago, probably a lie. He was probably supporting them w/ money he has made since your marriage.
The ex probably moved out because he told her to move out. The reason he told her to move out is because you know everything now, and he don't want to get caught still living w/ her while married to you! Did she really move out is another question, how do you know? Do his sons still live there? If she did move out, is he secretly supporting her in another place? With 6 brand new cars in the driveway, that man must have a lot of money. I really don't believe she left because he has no money now. If she "really??" did leave him, would she talk to you now??

Maybe the divorce was real, she just missed his money, and wanted him to stay after the divorce and agreed to his new marriage just for the sake of still continuing to be rich w/ him. Maybe he has just made up a "big story" of blackmail, and "unreported income of 25 yrs ago." But because he told you, that is where a DA comes in (illegal unreported income). And because the ex told you that he forged the divorce papers, that is where the DA comes in (forgery). I would love the DA to question them!!! Because he supported them with secret accounts together without your knowing, is where investigators come in.

Were you dating him, prior to his last divorce or after?

Maybe she did blackmail him w/ the threat of alimony and taking 1/2 of his companies and savings through the last divorce, but an agreement was made between them that he would just support them for the rest of thier lives instead of her taking 1/2 of EVERYTHING OR MORE!!

These are all questions to ponder and hopefully find out. Either way you are entitled to what is yours in the marriage, and what he owes you as an employee.

He has committed adultery on you with ex, and all moneys during your marriage does not belong to her. What he gave to his sons is his business and YOURS, everything in your marriage to him is your business!! Did you have a prenuptial agreement?? Probably Not. Then everything is your business.

I hope every question you have come into the light and you find all the answers OPO. You have more rights than you think you have.


Love, Lady

Hi Lady,

You make alot of sense. I really appreciate having someone to share this with who has also lived thru a similar event.

H has a son and a daughter, one or both at the house, but I've never met them. H claims to use his income to just pay bills for the house and personal stuff and there isn't anything left unless of course the house is finally sold. H doesn't agree that his current income is OURS. I have zero information on what he started with when we got engaged or how much he has spent on the ex and kids.

There is no pre-nup (where he'd have to disclose real information) just an invisable line of separation where every penny he has or earns or spends is all private.

I've thought about what to say at interviews but again I'm humiliated to reveal the crap I've gotten myself into. Guess I'm afraid it'd come across as "she makes poor decisions" and boom there goes the job offer.

Recruiters have said that you should always have a positive remark as to why you left a job and never bad mouth anyone. I have a job now but like you were, I'm in so much depresion that I can barely function. I'm a sales rep and my job is to be happy and upbeat and risk rejection all day every day.

Can you see me out and about with tear stained eyes and a sad face? Truly, most days are too much effort to just get out of bed. I feel wretched for accepting a paycheck at all knowing my productivety is about zero.

But my son was out of work for several months, just got a job this week, and the house note isn't paid. I cover utilities and groceries only. I don't make squat to assist. So I'm in fear of losing the home here also. When it rains it pours.

And that is the double pain. Knowing how safe and well off H has made his children and ex while WE are not H's responsibility. Knowing H holds my $10 k and I can't get it back. The resentment is eating away at my soul. The RX just masks the pain so I feel blurred and not bitter.

H still comments that I should stop living in the past and see that he's "changed". Funny thing MY LIFE hasn't changed. I'm still a single parent. H can opt out of supporting us, providing a home, being a step-father, whatever. And since he never hit me or sexually cheated, H is a saint according to the law.

I want to move to a state where marriage is FAIR to both parties. Any suggestions?

And, what exactly would I say to get a DA to investigate? With no copies or proof wouldn't it look like I'm making this stuff up?

Hi OPO,

You are in a sad predicament, and I hope everything gets better for you. It is good that you have a job, and you're
probably right about the interview part. Maybe someone at an Employment Office/Job Search Office can help you with that one.


by OPO:
"I only discovered much of this the one day he brought me to the house. It was 3 years after he SAID she had moved out (divorced for 2 yrs) and yet there were ALL of her clothes, her mail, the joint bank statement, her make-up & jewelry, and of course all of his things as well. I was devastated. Our whole life together was a lie. Everything I thought to be true was not."

Did he really think you wouldn't see all of her stuff there?
Would he invite you into the home now?


by Whistles75:
"I am not suggesting you trick him, I just think before you reconcile he should turn over these documents as a demonstration of his new honest self.

Your welfare is at stake, and he needs to understand he has to prove himself again as well as give you proof so you may protect yourself if you decide to stay in the marriage."

She has a good point.


by OPO:
"This is exactly what my divorce attorney said. H has agreed (in words only) to provide access to all of these things but he never does. Claims the checkbook info is with the tax attorney, the car insurance is now in his name only and he "lost" the former card and joint policy statement, and he's no longer on her health insurance since "someone" turned them in for fraud. At least he got caught for some of it!
All mail and supporting documents are kept in his home which I've never had access to."

How do you know he and ex got turned in for fraud? Are you sure about that?

It does sound like he is trying to hiding somethings.

by OPO:
"My husband has lived with and supported his ex-wife and adult children for 5 years behind my back. I have been denied any benefits of marriage but have shared in ALL of the tax liens, attorney bills, and losses. I live with my son now as I cannot endure this life of lies. I have just discovered the joint checking account, car insurance, home ownership, life and medical insurance, etc that he kept with her and his adult children while he lived this secret double life. He claims he HAD to leave this support in place because the ex-wife knew it was illegal and unreported income and she could send him to jail if he didn't give her what she wanted. So now all this illegal cash is gone and he wants to start fresh with me, as if we just met. He left me destitute while he added to her 401k, bought new cars for everyone, paid the kids college, bought ski trips and luxury items for her, the grown kids, his mom and his sister. He says he concealed his excess cash and his bank records to protect me from any involvement. Says he couldn't share his income with me because I needed to be kept safe, just in case. Says he LOVES ME and that's why he kept me from his family and from the truth.
I've never met his friends, neighbors, doctors, children, or had a family holiday with him in 5 years. I have been made "the other woman" as he pretended to remain married to HER. Does anyone know how I can recover from financial and emotional infidelity? He refuses to give me a divorce."

This is exactly what you should tell the DA's office if you decide to call them or go see them.



Did you and him also reside together during your marriage, or have you lived with your son the whole marriage?

by OPO:
"We were together for 5 years but only married for 1."

Were you dating your H before his last divorce? Were you the OW while he was still married to the ex at that time? I'm just asking not to hurt you, but it's something to look at too. From what I read here, going into a relationship w/ a married man usually doesn't last, if that was the case, and the W usually ends up winning him back if she tries hard enough. And also if children are involved.
It sounds like that may have happened in your situation.


OPO, I was a single mom for many years, then married the 1st time of what I have told you about. I ended up chalking that one up to a "bad experience", and moving on. But now I have ended up with another "bad experience" now, and I thought I was so careful this time to wait 3 yrs as friends, to get to know him real well. And then marry, only to be hurt again with my husband now cheating on me. He is still here and claims he is sorry, but he had a history of doing it with his prior wife and previous girlfriends. I thought he was a "Christian man" now and would never do that to me. He would often tell me "he doesn't believe in hurting women and children and hates men that do." Wow, his actions never lined up with his words. I don't know if I will recover with him, it's too soon to tell, or if I will recover better without him??
We have a 3 yr old child together, and that makes the decision harder. I don't want another child growing up without both parents together. My pain will heal over time, but childrens pain without both parents really doesn't heal totally. I can't believe I trusted another, only to be betrayed again too.

Love, Lady

Dearest Ladysheep, I just read your story on the board and what your new H is putting you thru. I am so sorry to see you have his betrayal AND addictions to sort thru. To answer you, yes, I was OW in the wings.

H and I didn't become a couple or have relations until I was told he'd been to a D atty and moved out. I trusted that to be true. That was 2002. From there a quick proposal and then it's history.

The reason he brought me over that day was to make amends for his actions to isolate me. H tells me he didn't hide or cover up the truth because I deserved to know the truth if we were ever going get past the lies and start fresh.

So now I have the truth I wanted so badly and an image of their wedding invitation (in full view) on his bookcase. The double whamy of this was met with his comment "Uhm, I'm sorry about that, I never look up there".

The MOST infuriating thing though is his constant references to how he much LOVES ME and has never cheated on me. Oh my God, he cheated me out of a life! And he cheated me out of a home and family and holidays! All of which he gave to HER! How is it not cheating on me?

I get sick thinking of all the respectable benefits of marriage he gave her while I was the one he shared the bed. That makes me the flousie on the side not the wife! No wonder my self-esteem is in the toilet.

We did have an apartment together for about a year. But he left so often to go to the house that I lived alone most of the time. Excuses to leave: Storm damage, broken window, dog duty, his mother is alone, the kids want to talk to me, I need to pay the contractor, I'm meeting a realtor there, etc. Then H would call late at nite and say he was too tired to drive home or felt ill and was going to stay over. Yeah riiight.

So maybe you just hit on something, maybe he just couldn't leave the wife in any way that was real because he never planned to. And marrying me was just to keep me from leaving. A new spin to cakeman? Honestly, I'm just trying to understand it.

I was a single mom for 10 years prior to H # 4. I thought our years of friendship had told me all there was to know. I never considered H was lying. By the time his true colors came out I was deep in it and confused by the abrupt change. I blamed alot of it on divorce stress, pressure from his family and an adrenal tumor that dumps adrenaline and stress hormones in his system. I just couldn't believe this was the same man I'd fallen in love with.

I'm sure you have the same thoughts. You believed you knew the red flags to watch out for on the 2nd go 'round, and now here you are facing new ones. You probably never sleep. I'd guess that with erratic behavior and pill popping you are a nervous wreck to have H near your child. What a nightmare for you!

What are you doing for yourself? How is it you can keep your wits about you? Is it like having another small child in the house to look after? Write back when you can, I really enjoy having a friend out there.

Love, OPO

Hi there,

Wow, you had to be feeling your H was lying every time he came up with an excuse not to come home, how sad you must have felt.

by OPO:
The MOST infuriating thing though is his constant references to how he much LOVES ME and has never cheated on me. Oh my God, he cheated me out of a life! And he cheated me out of a home and family and holidays! All of which he gave to HER! How is it not cheating on me?

I hear you w/ my 1st we married Sept, by the time holidays came he was gone, claiming mother was ill. I had really weird dreams at that time. I dreamed of violence going on where he was. When he came back New Years, he cried and said his mother was killed and robbed by nephews and that he blamed himself. I told authorities about it because it was so shocking. Another dream I had at that time was that I was where he was and I was hugging him, then I was left at a table all by myself, head down and crying. That's exactly what happened in the end. All by myself... abandoned by him. After it was all over I had a dream and he rode up to me on motorcycle, a motorcycle that is different than what we have in this country, and he got off and told me he was sincerely sorry for what he had put me through, and he went off into a large barn to work. So after it was all over, I believe he couldn't live with himself and the pain he had put us through and had to tell me, and basically he was now back in his native country.

I prayed day and night that God would show me things, and He did, He showed me the sad truth of it all.


I don't know how you lived like that for the past 3 yrs OPO, but if he is really sincere, these are some questions you may have to ask yourself and him....
Will he live with you as married people do?
Will he be there for you when you come home from work?
Will he spend every available moment with you?
Will he sit down eat dinner with you every night?
Will he go to bed with you every night?
Will he spend the holidays with you?
Will he be honest about finances with you?
Will he intoduce you to his children and mother?
If he is really sincere with you, the answer to all of the questions above will be "yes"

Or do you think he is just leading you to another dead end road?

Love, Lady

Good questions...I'd be safer not to bet on a yes since I've really not experienced "sincere" with H. Strike that, he is sincerely upset that I've contacted D attorneys and that I continue to ask for PROOF of the alleged blackmail plot that has held ME in this solitary confinement! (I'm not holding my breath waaaaaiting for it.)
I served 3 years of this crap for a crime I didn't do or know about. No wonder the depression hit me so hard when it finally came out. H was very creative in his "stories" and used co-workers and family members as a cover-up too.

Since I had no access to family, I couldn't verify he DIDN'T change a flat tire, install a water heater, see them in the hospital, etc. What a load of BS.

Call me an uptight Christian prude but, Lying and sneaking around to be somewhere you don't want me to know about IS THE SAME as doing it to cheat. Am I wrong Ladysheep?

I've decided to write him off as a total narcissist. A paranoid, cynical, pathological liar who invents an image of himself and does not deal in reality. That's my free diagnosis. And somehow I feel better just thinking he has a personality disorder. It explains the chaos brewing all around him, his total lack of empathy for others, and his insecurities. See I SHOULD BE MAKING $ 110.00 PER HOUR AS A THERAPIST! haha

So how are you coping? You sound alot better. You still go back and forth with what to do? I struggled with it too. Especially since I saw MY Doctor and he wanted to pin this on me for why I'm a doormat without BOUNDARIES. So you feel like you can't win. If you trust, and someone is deceitful again, YOU are the idiot... and if you don't give H a 2nd chance YOU are throwing away the marriage.

I think I'd rather live with my cat and take NO chances.

Take care Lady, hope this finds you well.

By OPO:
"Call me an uptight Christian prude but, Lying and sneaking around to be somewhere you don't want me to know about IS THE SAME as doing it to cheat. Am I wrong Ladysheep?"

No, you're not wrong, he's a cheater all the way!!!

By OPO:
"I've decided to write him off as a total narcissist. A paranoid, cynical, pathological liar who invents an image of himself and does not deal in reality. That's my free diagnosis. And somehow I feel better just thinking he has a personality disorder. It explains the chaos brewing all around him, his total lack of empathy for others, and his insecurities. See I SHOULD BE MAKING $ 110.00 PER HOUR AS A THERAPIST! haha"

Hey that sounds just like my H the past 4 years, of course, before his shame mask came on few times. Perfect diagnosis!!

By OPO:
"Especially since I saw MY Doctor and he wanted to pin this on me for why I'm a doormat without BOUNDARIES. So you feel like you can't win. If you trust, and someone is deceitful again, YOU are the idiot... and if you don't give H a 2nd chance YOU are throwing away the marriage."

Okay, it doesn't hurt to hear the truth, but does it have to cost $110.00 ??? I'm thankful I heard it from you for free!! :-)

By OPO:
"I've decided to write him off as a total narcissist."
"I think I'd rather live with my cat and take NO chances."

I think that's a great idea because not only is he a paranoid, cynical, pathological liar who invents an image of himself and does not deal in reality, he's sounds like he could be a crook, and I would hate to see you wrapped up in anything he may be involved in past or present just by being his W. I don't know, but it sounds like to me that he might be up to more sneaky things. Why the heck won't he give you a divorce? I hope you are freed soon. Funny how he has had all the heart attacks, bypasses or whatever the past few years, how could he live with himself, living so many lies!!!!


Love, Lady

By Ladysheep:

Funny how he has had all the heart attacks, bypasses or whatever the past few years, how could he live with himself, living so many lies!!!!

I'd be under alot of stress too if I had to keep up with so many lies! Do you know he actually had PHONEY cell phone calls! Really, I was already suspicious of the unbelievable GBI investigation or IRS calls, so I started writing down who called or when H said that He called and the TIME.

Then I signed him up for online billing and got a full list of him dialing for the weather, calling his office, etc.

I now laugh just thinking about all the ridiculous made up fantasy conversations! The guy could make millions writing a book on "How to create an Alibi 101".

As for divorce, I continue to point out that since he has already designed and locked in a full property settlement, ie we have zero joint at all, WHY NOT just divorce me the rest of the way? Again with the I Love You stuff....

I think he's perfectly FINE like this. Everything he earns or does is all his, no sharing required, AND I can't date or look for a better mate who might actually care for me or provide for me. If I do, I am cheating on him. Perfect situation for him.

I've spent all my savings to start a divorce in june. H contested and demanded "discovery" claiming I abandoned the marriage in 3 weeks, (true I left in 3 weeks when I was lied to!) and that I'm a serial divorcee now trying to pad my pockets with his "wealth".

Okay, WHAT WEALTH? The $$$$$$ you gave to ex & family already? The wealth of TAXES you owe for the excess income you've already spent? And how could I ask for $$ I don't know you have or EVER HAD?

I'd feel very rich indeed if I could just be single. **I will also settle for being a widow, if the Lord would see fit to have a face to face talking with him.

Love, OPO

"Okay, WHAT WEALTH? The $$$$$$ you gave to ex & family already? The wealth of TAXES you owe for the excess income you've already spent? And how could I ask for $$ I don't know you have or EVER HAD?

I'd feel very rich indeed if I could just be single. **I will also settle for being a widow, if the Lord would see fit to have a face to face talking with him."

I can relate to that. My 1st came to me at tax time (after the holidays spent w/ other family), claiming we needed to file jointly. I quickly informed him I would not be doing that, that it would be done separately. OH Darn, he had a lot of taxes to pay that year!! I may have been stupid marrying him, but I caught on to his crookedness pretty fast. He had only been here 1 month out of the whole 13 month marriage or whatever it was!


By OPO:
"I will also settle for being a widow, if the Lord would see fit to have a face to face talking with him."

Trust me, I used to feel that way too, sometimes I prayed for it, but then I figured it was probably wrong to pray for something like that. But it would be nice for the Lord to have a face to face with your H or whatever he is.

Love, Lady