OK, K.



You are absolutely correct! She just doesn't need to call him that out loud! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks everyone <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />) Where do I go to understand all the
abbreviations ? I get some but not others and want to
understand. I do understand PIG-plainly insulting guy.

Thanks again!
Chat

What abbreviations are you asking about?

Go ahead and ask...

It just keeps going on,I really think he needs to move out.
For example,I sat on his lap (fully clothed)and said we should try it like this,I have never tried it like this before and he said" I am sorry but I can't say the same"
I guess in the 3 1/2 months he and the OW did everything-
he is killing me bit by bit. Oh and get this he then says
"I am depressing you again"and gets mad....

No!! NO!!

Now I see what's going on..

He wants you to ask him to move out! He needs to make that choice on his own.

You see what I mean about the scheming and plotting of WAYWARD HUSBANDS?

What other abbreviations do you want to learn?

We've got to help you with A PLAN. That does not involve you asking him to move out. Don't fall for his tricks!!!

o.k.thanks Mimi - I will let him know that he needs to make
the decision to move out and he will need to tell out kids
and his parents (to whom he would be moving in with)
What does
BS
Ws (wondering spouse ?)
FSW
FWH
mean ???
Thanks,
Chat

oh and
FOG
IMHO
mean......

go to the just found out forum .... there is an intro thread with most abbreviations and acronyms

RB response: Suuuu weeeee!!!! LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Ok chat, now that we have identified which animal a WS is most like (BTW, I personally think pigs are not as bad as WS' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> ), now let's help you get a plan.

Oh yea.... I heard that position talk also. The lap scenario was played in my house and I jumped off his lap and said 'eewwuuuu, now there's a mental pix of a duck on your lap'. LOL!!! See I saw a pix of the OW from a distance and her face resembled a duck. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Now back to the plan. You need to identify your boundaries and let him know in no uncertain terms what type of convo you will not tolerate. Some BS' do want details, others don't. So it is up to you.

Go read Surviving an affair, His Needs/Her Needs and since he is being a real ruthead..... read Love must be tough. The 3rd book is by Dr James Dobson and the 1st 2 are by Dr Harley.

L.

Okay, let's think of a plan. But sorry, I just can't get into the mood. Her husband cheated, and she took him back. Now he feels the need to rub her nose in it. YUCK!!!!!!!!!

I'm right there with you Believer... there is something particularly unsavory about all of this. Sorry, I can't think of a plan right now ... I am too disgusted ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Noooo Pep - You ALWAYS know what to do.

I can understand you guys being disgusted...

Try living this..

My FWH was absolutely no different than Chat's...

Absolutely unsavory....disgusting...monsterish...when he was in the fog....

I did take him back after two false recoveries, PLAN B and lots of begging and pleading on his part...

I don't know how I did it...memories continue to haunt me..

However, THANK GOD, my former monstrous H is his sweet self again and I see absolutely no sign of the monster returning..

I really used to think of him as being like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde... I think that 's the story....

Who can explain all of this terrible stuff...

Evil? The FOG? Temporary Insanity?

I'm not judging CHAT or CHAT's WH because I really lived this....

Maybe you guys didn't...Maybe your WHs were not as AWFUL as MINE was....I certainly don't claim to be a WINNER in this competition....

It is disgusting for Chat's WH to BRAG about his adulterous sex exploits.

I'm with Believer...I'd have told him that I didn't need tightening up...and probably have suggested an implant for him!

As for the sitting on the lap thing...maybe the next time Chat suggests they try something that THEY haven't tried yet, she should say, "I haven't done this with YOU, yet!" Let HIM wonder!

BTW, Chat:

I would recommend starting with PLAN A. That would include calmly yet firmly telling your WH (Wayward Husband) that it is not OK for him to discuss the OW with you. Furthermore, tell him that you would like to work on your marriage- that if he leaves that would be his choice.

I'm thinking that the OW broke it off with him because he couldn't leave you. He is what we call a cake eater and does want the both of you. She is breaking up with him in hopes that will make him come to her. If you give him "permission" to leave or get mad enough at him to throw him out, then he rids himself of personal responsibility for all this. Don't let him set you up like this. Also, don't hand him over to her on a silver platter. Make them work in their piggish, evil efforts to get to each other...

Do you understand what I am saying? Does this make sense?

FOG is the temporary insanity evidenced by a Wayward Spouse (WS) who is addicted to the Other Woman (OW). Try to learn to think of the Affair as an addiction.

I still say that he is trying to manipulate her. She can put a stop to this once he knows that she will not be bullied.

As far as I am concerned, typical WS after exposure...

Sorry. This is what I saw in my FWH....

Sick, disgusting, but that's the way it was...

Of course, he was doing all this in building himself up to leave me. He didn't have the guts to leave and was trying to get me to throw him out... Manipulatative ploy that failed to work... I remained strong to my conviction to work on the marriage and to NOT LOSE IT WITH HIM.. I maintained my self-control...

Well, most of the time....at least, at that point, I maintained my self-control..

It got a lot uglier before it got better...

Chat, I don't want you to feel like you are alone in this.. you are not....

chatabout,

mimi coould be right. He might be trying to get you to throw him out and therefore, make his choices for him.

Or he may, in his own misguided, selfserving juvenile way be trying to get you to "rise to the challenge." You know how some people try to get you to do something by proclaiming, "Boy, I'll bet you can't--------------whatever" in the hopes that you'll try. Sick, but possible. Was he always tactless with comments?

In answer to your questions about abbreviations check this link-------- Abbreviations for Marriage Builders

Also please read The General Welcome for New Builders and WAT's Quickstart Guidelines for Betrayed Spouses

Lots of VERY useful information in those links!!!

Hi Chat...

First, I would like to say that I am so sorry for what you are going through right now...NOBODY should have to endure that kind of torture! Your original question was is it normal, and sadly, in some cases it is. I am so embarrassed and ashamed to say that I did that type of thing to my H. After reading this thread, I felt a sense of terror regarding what I subjected my poor H to. I would actually like to thank you, because though I have repeatedly apologized for ALL the horrible things that I did to him during and immediately following my A, your story has humbled me even more. I am telling you this so that you understand that with a really good plan A, your H can come out of the FOG that is making him be so cruel to you and it is also possible for him to feel insurmountable remorse for his behavior.

I told my H last night that I will never be able to express how sorry that I am to him. I wish that he could, for a moment, be me just so that he could really "feel" how sincere that I am. Chat, you also made me realize what personal strength and selfless love that it takes to be able to Plan A someone who is behaving like the most unlovable person on the planet. I am so humbled and awed by my H and all the others here on this board that have endured and perservered in the face of this most cruel of fates. I believe that the ability of a BS to do this is the closest thing to Christ like love that any of us has ever witnessed to date.

It may also help you to know that what your H is telling you that he did with OW will, if you recover your marriage, be such a poor substitute for him doing those things with you. I can promise you that he will one day see that she pales in comparison to you...he will feel like a complete idiot! Obviously I can't speak for your H, but I can tell you that though I didn't know it or understand it at the time, it was my H that I really wanted to meet my EN's-the OM was really like being with a cardboard cutout...it was NOT the "great soulmate fairytale love affair" that the FOG makes it seem like.

A's are NOT about the way that you feel about the OP(Other Person), but about how you feel about yourself(read: SELFISH, SELFISH, SELFISH!!!) When I look back, which by the way, is the MOST SICKENING & DIGUSTING thing in the world for a truly remorseful FWS(FORMER WAYWARD SPOUSE) to do, I can now see what a ridculous fool that I was...that I was WORSE than a PIG, as Pep so insightfully pointed out.

One day, I believe that your H will see, as I now do, that there will NEVER, EVER be anyone in the entire world that could fulfill him the way that you do when you each are meeting the other's needs...He won't get that now, and if he reads my post here(since you said that he reads your threads), he will actually reject the idea completely...but someday...

Mr. Chat, what if what I am saying is true? Can you afford to miss out on the most incredible feeling that you have or will ever have experienced on this earth? YES, even better than you now think that the OW makes/made you feel...I promise you that marriage, when "done" right is a "high" like no other! You would be a fool not to try. When you think about the way that you envisioned your life when you were younger, is this the man that you thought that you would become? Involved in an extra marital affair? Is this the man that you wanted to be? I know that you believe that you are/were at your happiest, youngest, most attractive, sexiest best self while with the OW...ALL us WSes think that about themselves while with the OP--NONE of us are UNIQUE, and if you don't believe me, keep reading these boards, and it will eventually mortify you to realize what a "cookie cutter" that you and your OW are/were...WSes are nothing but a cliche. I also know that right now when you are with your W, that you feel just a bit "superior" to her, like you've made this "amazing discovery" that she has yet to come across, heck, you might even encourage her to have an affair of her own...just like a drug pusher encourages others to use...you feel "younger","cooler", "sexier", more in tune with what "real love" and "satisfaction" really feel like...Man, let me tell you, you have been duped by the "Affair Drug", those "feelings" are NOT real and when you fall from that "high", I cannot tell you how hard reality will slap you in the face...it won't be pretty! Are you proud of the man that you are right now? The one that is so sneaky, deceitful and cruel? If you are, I promise you that one day you won't be. Do yourself a favor, read Surviving An Affair, keep reading here AND start posting here. Ask questions to the FWSes and tell us your story-I guarantee you that we have all been where you are now...you can't stump us with something "new" regarding your A, I dare you to try...You've proven yourself a fool at least once by having an A, don't do it again by not trying to right what you have done wrong...We will all help you to see the "light", but you have to be wise enough to take the first step...can you do that?...Give Marriage Builders a shot...Can you show us that you are intelligient by being open to trying something new, or are you too afraid of finding out how wrong that you've been? It takes a lot of courage to admit your mistakes and try to repair the damage that they have caused...only a close-minded coward would refuse not to take a chance. I challenge you to be a man about this...do you have what it takes? Time will tell...

Chat, I applaud you for seeking knowledge and being the strong one in this most difficult of struggles...do all that you can to make you a better you for you. Rest secure in the knowledge that any deficit does not lie with you, regarding the SELFISH CHOICE of your H to have an A. You are both are responsible for what wasn't right in the marriage and you can change that, BUT NOTHING ABOUT THE A IS YOUR FAULT...that is his cross to bare alone. You hang in there girl!

Mrs. Wondering

BS - betrayed spouse
Ws - wayword spouse
FSW (do you mean FWS- formar wayword spouse?)
FWH - formar wayword husband
IMHO - In my humble opinion

FOG is not an acrynom, it is a description of the way a person is thinking, i.e. his brain in in a fog, not thinking clearly.

Mrs. Wondering,

your post was wonderful.