LT,

I am so sorry to hear this. ((((((hugs)))))). It must have been very hard to have everything go wrong once again.

Glad to hear you are feeling better. I am not surprised you had a bit of a breakdown, you have been thru so much and fought the good fight for your marriage.

I had a breakdown also, but was not hospitalized, so I do understand what happened, as sometimes it is just too much to take. Sounds like you needed a rest.

I know you will continue to do what is healthiest for you and kids. You have our support here no matter what you decide.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Akr,

sometimes a BS has to hit bottom, too.

Strangely, I feel back in the saddle again. I've found true friends in this little corner of the world so far away from home. And I've carved out my own special custum niche as far as my occupation goes.

I'll be alright. I just don't want this any more. Just the thought of wh's touch now makes my skin crawl. It's over.

Now it's the financial-material battle with a sitll very fogged and entitled WH. There are two ways to do this in this country: you can come to an agreement and save yourselves a lot of grief and a lot of costs, or you can battle it out in the mud.

WH STILL thinks he will be able to keep EVERYTHHING!!! Not just material, but me as his mother's free nurse, etc., etc., etc. He thinks he'll be able to keep the house we built together and put me and our children in a home worth a fourth of our current house. Talk about la-la-land.

Hello all. It has been a year since I last posted here, so here is a recap of what has happened since then for my friends here that remember me.

For Christmas 2005 WH was reunited with our daughters and I and I was full of hope, since it looked like WH had finally organized a transfer for Skunkypoo. After Christmas WH told me he would not be spending his month's vacation in summer with me and the girls as promised, but just with our eldest daughter, in India. I also discovered that Skunkypoo was offered an equal position in a different bank branch, but turned it down --- WH kept this a secret and continued to try to make me believe that this was in the works. This was a repeat --- he played the same game before and after 6 months finally admitted that it was he that begged Skunkypoo not to leave. He "needs her --- she is such a valuable and loyal employee."

I was hospitalized for another nervous breakdown.

When I got out of the hospital I told WH that I was finished with suffering from his relationship with Skunkypoo and that no choice and no action on his part was actually a choice. I now realize that he is simply not the type of person that I want to be married to and that there is no way that I will tolerate one single day more of his cruel and disrespectful treatment. Skunkypoo can have him, she doesn't deserve any better.

Our divorce agreement allowed me to gut the house and believe me, I took EVERYTHING with. I am now the owner of a very nice 3 bedroom condominium in a nearby city and have no debts. D12 lives with me. D19 is off to University studying. D12 now have a puppy (her greatest wish and one that XH never allowed). I have since experienced several big breaks in my writing/journalist career and am earning enough to support myself and my daughters.

XH lives with his mother and now nurses her together with his sister. He rents out our (now his) house next door to pay off the loan he had to take out to finance my condo. He had to take over all of our debts on his own and together with this new loan, he now has a half million to pay off, earns 40k annually, and has to pay 40% of his income as child support. Go figure. Oh well, he still gets to share Skunkypoo with his former best friend.

I am still struggling with anger issues and working hard to get to the point where I can forgive. I need to forgive myself for putting up with WH's crap for so long and letting myself get so downtrodden. I also need to forgive WH --- not that he thinks he needs or wants forgiving. I need to forgive for me and my kids, so I can truly move on with my life. I realize that my children will always hope that we will reunite until I am able to totally let go of everything. I also realize that they will never accept another man in my life until I have truly closed this chapter and freed myself of anger and reached the peace of mind that forgiveness will bring me.

Hi LT,

Thanks for thinking to give us an update...

I had wondered about you...on and off...

Try and not to be too hard on yourself... you gave your WS clear choices... and he chose otherwise... a D was not what you wanted for your family....and it hurts...a lot!

Being a BS is a tough gig...the wounds are deep, I find...


Glad to hear this. What are the arrangements for D12 to see her dad?

(((((((((((LT)))))))))))

LT, It's good to hear from you again. I am sorry your marriage didn't work out, but you yourself are absolutely a success story and this is certainly your XWH's loss. I hope you will stay around and post to others currently in crisis. You would be a most valuable resource to them.
Mulan

Lunamare,

Thanks for your reply. I have thought of you, too!

We have a thing about custody in this country. We have joint "raising rights" with D12's residence with me. This more or less means that I can stipulate when visitations best suit D12 and myself. This means that she visits her father for at least part of most weekends and that he also takes her when I go on business trips. This is working out just fine.

Mulan,

Thank you for your encouraging words!

I don't know how good a source of advice I would be at this point. Part of me wishes I would have skipped Plan A and Plan B and just done the Tough Love get out or shape up forever method.

On the other hand, if that did not bring my WH back, I would have always regretted not trying hard enough. If it did work, I'm afraid I would have settled for less of a man and marriage than I deserve.

Of course, there are things I would do differently, but I did the best that I could at that time. I did go the extra mile, but it didn't help and I could have saved myself and my daughters a lot of damage and suffering if I had called it quits sooner.

I don't think that I am qualified to advise anyone on how to save their marriage, but I might be able to advise on how not to...