Hurtin',

It may SEEM fast, but it was the plan b that knocked his socks off....or knocked him off the fence he was squattin on. Believe me he'd been settin there so long the post was comin' out his mouth!

It's been over 2 years since DD#1. I only kicked him out in May....

SS - the drinking is to allievate his guilt. Wookie drank like a fish during the whole of the A. Now...nada but social cocktails or a beer after work. Believe me, he's feeling it...he just hasn't figured out how to DEAL!

- Kimmy

Dealan-de--- Glad yours woke up, I feel my WW will have to go down the road for a while before she decides to make a u turn. I've plan A'd out the ying yang. So at least my house is clean and DD and I are able to get up and take care of ourselves. May have to go to plan B as she contacts me every day or so, and I think it's just to feed her brain etc. Tired of being the back up plan for her.I thought she was selfish before the A, now shes rediculously selfish, it's all about her!!

Oh Sadie and Other Betrayed Spouses...

I know that as a FWW I wasn't invited to this "party", so I guess that makes me a "crasher". I hope you all won't mind too much...

I just wanted to say that I will say a prayer for all of you to get the healing and comfort that you so need and deserve. I have come out of the FOG, and now realize what a stupid fool that I was and what I came so very close to losing. Even if your spouses never make it out of the dense "mist", I would at least like to offer up my deepest appologies to you all...NO ONE DESERVES THE CRUEL SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES THAT BEFALL A BETRAYED SPOUSE!!!

The amount of remorse that I have about what I did to my H is more than I will ever be able to humanly express, but I will spend the rest of my life trying...AND giving thanks to God for giving my H the "Amazing Grace" that I know it has to take for him to allow me to stay in his heart and arms even in the face of such betrayal.

I have spent a lot of time in the past couple of days thinking deeply about the amount of strength and grace that a betrayed spouse possesses, and as I said in one of my posts yesterday, daily I find myself awed and humbled by all of you and the many desirable qualities that you embody. What a selfless act of love Plan A takes...you are all UNBELIEVABLE! So when you're feeling low and depressed, I hope that you will still be able to take pride in knowing that you kept your integrity, honored your vows and continuously exude more courage than a samurai warrior. I, along with many other FWSes I'm sure, admire your virtue, tenacity and seemingly boundless mercy. We are all better people for having known you. It is my hope and prayer that your spouses may someday come to realize the truly inspiring examples of humanity that you are...

Wishing all of you the "peace that passes understanding" and God's infinite blessings...

Mrs. Wondering

wonderings- thank you for your sincere post, it's hope and prayer that keeps me thinking that one day she will wake up. I don't know how she will be able too living with him, but ffrom what DD says WW isn't very happy with him. I just wonder why she says such mean things and why she can't realize she can come home. I have kept my vows, I may have not been perfect throughout 19yrs together. But I have realized my mistakes on not meeting some of her needs. I just hope that I get the oooprtunity to work with her in them, if not I can say I have tried.....

Mrs. Wondering,

I second everything that bigwave says. You are a inspiration to me as well that there is a chance for my WS to become the person he needs to be.

It gives me hope that this can turn around and we can work through it. I admire you for being so honest and taking the time to help others go through this horrible ordeal we are facing.

Many blessings to you and your H.

Yes, thank you Wonderings...it really means a great deal having you come "crash" the party...thank you...wonderful kind and thoughtful words.

I just don't get why the hole in my stomach today...I mean I sorta do know...this weekend coming up has been always such tradition to us...we always went to the festival together as a family and also to the fair that starts this weekend!! Damn those tears...damn him for ruining all this. It's taking every breath in me not to pick up the phone today. His business partner talked to me a bit today and tried to calm me down. Bless her heart. She is a good woman. She knows...she tells me to just give it time...that he has to swallow his pride. I just don't know anymore. She drove by OW work and she has her car back now. So guess they came up with the money for both car payments and she didn't get it repossessed after all. I know...drama, drama...I just can't make it stop for some reason today!! Sorry folks...really losing it here today.

Lisa,

It ok sweetie, we all have those days. There is nothing wrong with it.. If we didn't get emotional or upset that would mean we don't care anymore. We will make it through this. We have each other to lean on to make it through the rough days.

Take care of yourself today and know I am here for you, maybe not in person but as a shoulder when you just need to vent or cry....

Hurting

Thanks sweetie...it's just too much today...here I am sitting in my brand new shop...surrounded by my dream and just sobbing my damn eyes out. So freaking tough..I think he truly is happy without me. Maybe he has found his peace and his way with her and not with us...maybe all this love wasn't what he wanted or needed. Damn it...

Lisa - right now he doesn't know what he wants,needs or can handle. My WW is in the same frame, she is "tossing away" what others would die for, but she can't see that because she is in a fog, just as your husband is. Yes we may have not been the perfect spouses, but we certainly didn't deserve this .
MY mantra is "broken to be mended". My DD has more faith than I do at times, right now she says don't worry, she'll come back, she just hasn't hit the wall yet.
Hang in therre you have a "dream shop" to run.

You know what I have said the same thing you are right now... many many times.... But I do know its not the truth, I know he is not as happy as he makes out. its something they want us to think so we don't know the real truth.

They can't or won't admit they have messed up big time. They have to put on a brave front to make it through their day to day living. I can't even imagine that going from a loving home with kids and everything they worked for gone, to living with nothing that belongs to them can make them happy. I just don't believe it, I don't care how many times they say it. I think maybe at the time they say it they believe for that instant but somewhere deep inside the truth of the matter is there and it will work its way out and slap them in the face one day.

I know when I watch my WH talk to me he is not as happy as he makes out. Its in his body language and the expressions on his face. Someday they to will realize and come to the conclusion that what they have walked away from is worth much much more than what they have now.

You have to hang on to the hope and strength you have to make it through this. Tomorrow is another day and it will be better .... I have faith in that ..

Exactly hurting!!! I know WW is not happy in the least,DD told me after she visits her. She has said , it's not the way I thought it would be with OM. I tried to tell WW before she left, but sometimes you can't tell them, oh yes I forgot she was in an A at the time. She will wake up I know it, but will I still be there with open arms? Probably,time and patience I suppose.

Thanks honey...yes I needed to hear that. I would like to say that I know its the truth. In the words of Scarlett O'Hara, tomorrow is another day. Just wish it would get here quicker. I was bad...I did send him a text message. Damn it...I know I've let you all down, I let myself down too. Sorry...but he hasn't responded...so I guess that shows me what I needed to hear...or not hear...whatever the case maybe.

Sorry....

LOL...to add insult to injury his exbusiness partner phoned me...OW was not at work anymore...so more than likely she knows about the message too...damn I am such the freaking fool....argh....crawling under a boulder somewhere. Damn...it, Melody oh Melody...knock some sense into me please!!!

Don't beat yourself up too bad, everyone slips. I'm not in Plan B yet, but the other night I thought there was a glimmer of hope from a text message from her, and I foolishly allowed myself to believe something that came out of her "mouth". WRONG of course she changed courses within 24hrs. Harsh lesson to learn not to believe anything they say.

I'm mad at myself because I usually am stronger than this and have done so freaking well at giving up everything and pulling it all together. Been a lady about all this...held my head up high and proud. Just let him go on about his nonsense. I even am blessed with having friends (even those who were his best friends) who are standing behind me on all this. How much more blessed can a person be. Okay...pulling self back together. I can do this...need to focus on something else.

Sorry to butt in again guys, but I just wanted to make sure that bigwave knew that I bumped his thread up and posted to him...I now return you to your regularly scheduled "pity party" already in progress... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Take Care All of You! Still have you in my thoughts and prayers!

Mrs. W

Sadie- Yes it's hard times, her whole family is behind meand is thankful that I am still there waiting and raising daughter. Even had friends tell me "your a better man than me", but one friend said to me after I asked why they all say that and he said,"you've been married 18yrs, you love your wife, and your a good man. so I keep on....

You really are a better man. My old horse trainer went through the same thing. He did end up divorcing her and taking full custody of the children. He was a much better father/mother than she could ever have hoped to be. I wish you well...you have a great deal of love and compassion in your heart.

Well folks...I am letting it all out now...cleansing my soul because I have not done that since he left. We are texting back and forth.

His WHOLE issue is that he thinks I helped his exbusiness partner take him out of the business...that is his issue. It was his taking OW to Houston that closed that deal. He spent the last company money on showing her a good time.

I just came out and said It has nothing to do with me. You were with another woman. You moved out and you know that is not what I wanted.

Oh boy...I know ya'll are fuming at me now...but I've kept my mouth shut for over 2mos. We never have talked about this at all...I just need to get this out. Sorry folks...I'll go back into the dark after this. I promise.

Thank you, and don't be too hard on yourself!!!!