"I recall even garnered a "call out" of praise on an individual thread from a "queen bee" member of the MB Supreme Court." lemonman

If you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock somewhere else. – Anonymous


I'm not a WS anymore. That person is long since gone. It's just taking me a while to stop turning and looking at that person - Lordslady


The actions you speak are louder than your words!


You did then, what you knew how to do, and when you knew better, you did better - Maya Angelou


Moving on, is a simple thing, It's what you leave behind that's hard. - Dave Mustaine


Resentment is like taking poison expecting the other person to die.


The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time." Winston Churchill


History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again.
--Maya Angelou

MM,

You are making something very very simple very very hard.

First, I really endorse all that the people before me have suggested. I would however like to put what they have said in a different light. So you are really NOT hearing anything new, just repeated in a slightly different way.

I see your position as the simplest of all positions and thus you have NOTHING to worry about. Do you believe that? You should. Allow me to expound on this.

First, you are emotionally ready to "stack arms" and call it a day. The pain has stopped. So what is the problem? You have none here. You are ready and capable, and you know life will move on. You KNOW you can take care of 3 kids and still work: you are doing it. You know another woman will find you attractive and be interested in you. You know you have done all you could and the reward for your efforts is PEACE.

I see no problem.

You say you fear going back into the pain. My STRONG recommendation is simple, DON'T GO BACK INTO THE PAIN. Dah! Was it painful to eat dinner and hold your W? NO! Why? No OM, she WANTED to be with you, and frankly you felt safe in your position to offer your shoulder for her to cry on. No pain here, right?

You worry about whether the marriage could be rebuilt or that you really WANT to stay married to her. Yes, your marriage can be rebuilt. No you don't want to stay married to the woman you have been married to for the last 19 months. But, what if a NEW woman appeared in your life. She had a new career. She loved your children. She loved you and appeciated what a strong man you are? What if this woman showed up in a few months. Would you divorce the old wife and take up with this new woman? You bet your bippy you would, IF you were divorced.

BUT, what if this new woman was your W? Well, then you could be divorced or you couldn't be divorced and you could take up with her. First, you would have to learn about her, you would have to discuss your goals and hers. You would need to agree on child rearing questions, money questions, sex, and how deep your love was for each other. The last one takes time to discover.

Where is the problem? I don't see one. Your W or another woman is going to have to fall for you and you are going to have to fall for her. This can happen before the divorce if it is your W or it can happen after the divorce then it can be anyone. No problem it will happen in its time.

Are you getting the picture here? You are a man capabe of love and fidelity. You are capable of raising your children on your own, if necessary. Your W is the one with serious decisions to make. Then she will have to figure out how to overcome what she has done.

My only other strong recommendation to you is to LET her if she tries. I know there is a strong temptation to be hard to get. I know there is a strong temptation to protect yourself. But, you have dealt with the worst she has to offer, so try dealing with the best, IF it is offered.

I agree with Coffeeman and others, she will have to earn it. But the earning shouldn't be to overcome barriers from you, but simply just YOU.

You have trusted God so far, don't waver now. Let things progress, and continue your course. This isn't complicated. She must make a decision. She must change her approach to you. You must fall in love with her again, and she with you. And then the two of you must learn about each other. You have both changed sooooo much in the last 2 years, and while you may not believe this MM, YOU BOTH HAVE CHANGED FOR THE BETTER. If that weren't true you, truely don't have anything to worry about now do you?

MM, in my life I have found that when push came to shove ALL of the major decisions in my life were really made for me. When it all played out there was only ONE way to go. I could have chosen another, but the data was clear that this would be a bad choice, and in retrospect they were. So have faith, have patience, and smile. You have arrived. Your work is done. It is simply a matter now of seeing how other people handle THEIR decisions.

You have little reason to fear this now.

God Bless,

JL