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For Longhorn <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I am borrowing a paragraph from Myschae on the EN board -
- "I will not remain in a marriage in which I am not the primary partner. That means that, while I don’t expect him to compromise his core beliefs and sacrifice himself on my behalf, I come before his mother, his job, his friends, the dog, the cat, the hamster, the fish, the lawn, the housework, etc. When we make marital decisions there are exactly two (2) votes. In laws don’t get a vote. Friends don’t get a vote. The latest Gallup poll does not get a vote. This is not a marriage by committee. I’m not going to compete. Thankfully, affairs have not been a problem in my marriage, but this would also cover that possibility. This also addresses getting the 15+ hours of time together each week. I’ll admit that I’m pretty ‘high maintenance’ and I like a lot of time. The way it works in our relationship is that I get first choice of his time and then everyone else gets to share him after that. It works out pretty well, though. Since I’m confident that I won’t be put second, I can usually afford to be pretty easily to ‘convinced’ to share. (offer me a deal which I can be enthusiastic about). (POJA and the rule of time)"
What a novel idea! In my marriage, everyone came before me - the kids, his relatives, friends, workmates, and even the dog. Also many issues were decided by other people.
For example, 2 years before retirement, he decided that he would NOT take the option to take $2,000. less a year to provide me with an annuity. The guys he worked with told him it was a bad idea. They said it would be cheaper to get a life insurance policy.
It never mattered what I thought. And there was no discussing anything.
Sheesh, I'm happy to have him gone.
-Believer
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Here's a link to one of my all time favorite posts: Takola's Post about Suing Betty Crocker It's a great analogy for those who think a modified plan will work just as well. Dobie
Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
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Dobie, thanks! I have never seen that post and it is great!
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Ok, I am not witty at all, so I will quote a friend's favorite saying,
"Don't let the door hit you, where the good lord split you."
This is said, usually, when someone is threatening to walk out the door.
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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During an MC session, my wife commented that she knew that I knew and remembered a LOT more information about OM than I had told her about. Not angrily, just stating a fact.
I grinned, looked at her, and rattled off his home phone, home address, and direct work line to her from memory.
The point?...
"Keep your friends close...and your enemies closer!"
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Excellent thread! Thanks, everyone.
"No power in the 'verse can stop me."
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"Trying to talk to a WS in the fog is like pushing on a rope." "Trying to prove a WS in the fog is responsible for their actions is like trying to teach algebra to a cow." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Hopeful4future
The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints.
BS: 40 (Me)
xFWW: 50
Married: 9/97
PA: 3 months
D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me)
Divorced: 10/2/2008
Happy that I've moved on
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"I had no choice but to have an affair." As a BS, I may have taken the blame for a broken arm -- because I wasn't listening and I did go ahead and lift up the phone to call this woman whom he said was calling her and it would be rude of him to hang up, but I never took the blame for an affair. I wasn't there. I didn't push him into her car. I didn't force his lips to hers.
Cherished
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b c,v nxbnfb fdn dxn bn bn fvnvn
v bmrt n
Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
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Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
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Posts: 11,539
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Well, Dobies toddler has some notable posts of her own! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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I think Dobie's kids are playing with the computer again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Me (BS) 36
FWW 35
Married 5/25/91
DS-7
DD - Born 11/8/05 !!!
PA #1 12/1996
PA #2 4/01 to 1/04
NC 1/04
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Don't think exposure is a good idea? Go here...
From Harley Himself
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ok, here is a negative one that sent me and WAT over the cliff: "I gave my H the Plan B letter like you said but he said it's just not practical." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Therefore, she DROPPED Plan B because her H didn't approve! LOL........ <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> How can that not be the funniest thing ever written here. Yes, it is sad...but come on...I guess I am sick <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Lem
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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By 2long: "8 something" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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Found this one on the "other topics" board ... does that count? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> So does this mean radical honesty goes out the window when it comes to dicussing penis size?
by Enlightned Ex <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
.
I walk the recovery path too, ... but I walk alone.
HOW 'BOUT THEM STEELERS!
.
I've finally realized now, that you just have to keep breathing. Tomorrow the sun will rise, and who knows what the tide will bring. Tom Hanks (Castaway, 2000)
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Here's one left on a voicemail from my WH:
"You think No Contact is going to end this thing with me and OW? Don't you think then that No Contact is going to end it with you & I?"
NO!!! Your pursuit of the OW is going to end between you & I. No Contact between you and me is so I'm not having to deal with a selfish WH. No Contact is so I can keep loving you. GEEZ.
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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vvm For Longhorn <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />bvmnbmbvv nvcmvcnv vbmv,vm,,vvmv,vm,vmv,vvvmc,vmvc,vcm,vm,vm,cf I am borrowing a paragraph from Myschae on the EN board -
- "I will not remain in a marriage in which I am not the primary partner. That means that, while I don’t expect him to compromise his core beliefs and sacrifice himself on my behalf, I come before his mother, his job, his friends, the dog, the cat, the hamster, the fish, the lawn, the housework, etc. When we make marital decisions there are exactly two (2) votes. In laws don’t get a vote. Friends don’t get a vote. The latest Gallup poll does not get a vote. This is not a marriage by committee. I’m not going to compete. Thankfully, affairs have not been a problem in my marriage, but this would also cover that possibility. This also addresses getting the 15+ hours of time together each week. I’ll admit that I’m pretty ‘high maintenance’ and I like a lot of time. The way it works in our relationship is that I get first choice of his time and then everyone else gets to share him after that. It works out pretty well, though. Since I’m confident that I won’t be put second, I can usually afford to be pretty easily to ‘convinced’ to share. (offer me a deal which I can be enthusiastic about). (POJA and the rule of time)"
What a novel idea! In my marriage, everyone came before me - the kids, his relatives, friends, workmates, and even the dog. Also many issues were decided by other people.
For example, 2 years before retirement, he decided that he would NOT take the option to take $2,000. less a year to provide me with an annuity. The guys he worked with told him it was a bad idea. They said it would be cheaper to get a life insurance policy.
It never mattered what I thought. And there was no discussing anything.
Sheesh, I'm happy to have him gone.
-Believer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> [color:"green"] [/color] [color:"orange"] [/color] [color:"orange"] [/color] [color:"orange"] [/color]
Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
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Posts: 10,179
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Thanks, Dobie. You made me look, just to be sure the Dervish hadn't slipped something in on me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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Me - BS
DDay 1 (Multiple affairs while overseas) - Feb 2003
DDay 2 (AdultFriendFinder Profile) - April 2007
Seeing a counselor. I think we have him stumped.
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Posts: 957
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"DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT OR DO YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED"?......Author unknown
Lem... Lem, That is great I will have to use that one soon! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
"Never argue with idiots or WSs, They just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
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