BBQ

keep posting

we want you to be successful recovering your M

Well, still no word from my W. It seems like today is dragging along, taking forever. I understand about omitting the truth, I couldn't imagine what she is going through. I hope she doesn't make poor choices becuase of me right now.
bbqdad

So why did you have the A?

Besides me being selfish? We had the typical problems after our kids were born, we simply didn't spend enought time with each other, W would watch TV, I was on the Computer (playing Video games nothing more), but when I went away on a two week trip with a co-worker, we spent two weeks alone, just us and of course at the end of two weeks.... the A happened.
bbqdad

So what can you do to prevent another A, or the rekindle of this A?

Sorry for the blunt questions, these are things your BW will want to hear.

Then why didn't your wife have an affair as well?


Where did your wife think you were when this happened? What was your cover story?

BBQ...this is great advice from RookKev...(Good One Rook!)...I think what he's telling you here, is that right now, you still have fond memories and thoughts regarding the A and the OW...Hey, that's understandable, she was meeting some of your unmet needs...(still doesn't excuse the A, just explains why you have some "warm fuzzies" about the experience so soon after it's ending)

Anyway, in answering questions from your W, you must be careful not to fondly "wax nostalgic" during your responses...As a FWW, I know that I caused a lot of unnecessary extra pain for my H as I gushed about the most minute details of my A...regarding sex, romance, where we went, what we ate, what, exactly, we were doing when he called my cell, etc...(It makes me queasy just to type that...UGH!)

While it is important to be honest, keep the flowery descriptions to yourself! Your marriage, and your W will be better served by your discretion in the long run. In other words, if your wife asks what you ate, for instance, your saying a chocolate chip cookie will suffice...I don't care if you must bite your tongue off, and put it in your pocket until the urge to speak glowingly about anything relative to the A passes. (that could be a long while, so make sure to have an ice pack and a zip-lock bag in your pocket at all times-ha! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> sorry, I just couldn't resist that...) Anyway, you NEVER EVER need to say, "An ooey-gooey, oh-so-sweet, best-I've-ever-had, Toll House, Chocolate Double-Chunk Cookie!"

BBQ, hang in there and keep posting here...it's a hard journey, but so worth it in the end...

Warmest Regards,

Mrs. Wondering

Mrs. Dub'ya .... yer one funny filly !

LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Pep...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />Thank you very much folks, I'll be here all week! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Mrs. Dubya

Mrs Wondering is SOOOOOO correct:

While it is important to be honest, keep the flowery descriptions to yourself!


I have been getting the "I was rated great at Sxx, The
Sxx was fantastic, ect...." As a FS this is really so very
hard to hear and everytime I hear it , it breaks my heart
a little bit more.....

Chat

thanks for the info. I hope we can talk tonight, (or at least this weekend).

to answer a question posted above
Then why didn't your wife have an affair as well?
I don't think she was unhappy. But of course until we talk I won't know that.

Where did your wife think you were when this happened? What was your cover story?
We were co-workers away at some training, it was completely covered. All expenses paid. Nothing was suspected.

Did your wife know YOU were unhappy?

Are you aware that many happily married men have affairs "just because I can" ????

My W didn't know I was unhappy. I tried to tell her when the A started, and things changed, but because of the OW, I couldn't change. I never had an A "just becuase I can", it was purely a needs thing.
-BBQdad

hmm, well I came home tonight, no W no DD's no one. NO cell phone answer no nothing. I know I deserve this, but Im afraid she is planning something drastic.
-bbqdad

You may think that you can talk to her, and explain all of this as "your needs not being met". Right now, I can tell you your wife is in excruciating pain - more pain than I hope you ever have to bear. And the pain is due to the one person in the whole world that she trusted taking a knife and ripping her heart out and stomping on it.

I hope your wife does come here. We can understand her absolute horror that this has happened to her family.

BBQDAD -

I have been reading your thread and just wanted to tell you not to expect too much from your BW right away. Like Believer said, she is in a world of pain right now. You couldn't even imagine the kind of pain she is feeling. I commend you for coming here & trying to get the answers yourself to save your marriage. Not all BS have a WS who even wants to work on the M.

I wish you the best of luck in repairing your M. I pray that you are able to keep your family together and spare your children the horror of their parents splitting up.

Listen well to the experts on the board. I am not qualified, can only share with you the pain I am going through as a BS. Keep coming here and DON"T GIVE UP!!!!!

Blessings,

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 5
Married 13 years
Re-exposed last week....WH going on day 9 sleeping in other room

yes, I understand that she is in more pain that I could imagine. And its my fault. Whats strange is that after D-day she sounded like she wanted to work on it. I told her I wasn't sure, then later that night, I found this board. I tried to tell her I wanted to work on it, but now, she won't even talk to me. Im not sure what changed her mind all of a sudden, but I have made so many mistakes, sometimes I wonder why she hasn't kicked me out yet.
bbqdad

You think you understand the pain, but you don't.

You might want to buy some of the infidelity books and read them, and let her check them out. Surviving An Affair and Torn Asunder come to mind.

Why weren't you sure you wanted to work on the marriage after D-day?

Quit your job.

Don't give up on your marriage.

Learn about yourself.

Learn about your wife. You might not think she was unhappy, but you guys sound just like us (me & Mr. STOWaway) and NEITHER of our emotional needs were being met.

Do you have any idea where your wife might be???? Have you heard from her yet?

Kim