hey I understand completely. He is an able bodied man get the state to make him pay you child support I know here they will tell my wh(stbxh) You can 1 pay your child support 2 go to jail or 3 go home to your wife. those are his choices and right now 3 is not an option for me. It gets better even if we don't think it will. They have lost the best things to happen to them for stupidity. Big hug for you hope things get better.

I'm thinking...Courtney Love.

Danigirl,
I am so with you. She looks like a skank. She won't ever get to keep him either.
How can you build a relationship based on ugly, through and through. And she is just ugly to the core.
{{{Danigirl}}}

The OW looks like a desparate woman. Very insecure and quite unbecoming..... oh wait, she's more like pretty & becoming..... u know pretty ugly and becoming uglier. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Her actions make her the ugliest.

Her drive bys are because she has nothing better t/d. A real mother of 4 would not have that kind of time. She must not be a real mother. How sad. I can see her getting old and no one wanting her around. Heck that's happening already. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So did the uncle and his dad give them $$? You know those handouts don't stop.

L.

L.
She is not a real mother; she is using this time while the state has her kids as a vacation. Reality is, if she doesn't clean it up quick they will not reunite her with her kids. In all honesty, that would be the best for her children. It was in the paper yesterday that OW requested a jury trial for four of her criminal charges. She apparently thinks Maine people are going to be a bit sympathetic of this single (so she says) women who brought her kids to a bar…because she had no babysitter because she is not from Maine. Good Luck.

She is bored, obviously. And when WH/OW get bored, they get crazy. I hope she enjoyed seeing me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Supposedly WH has a job at a Marina. Thing is, when he does get hired (unless it is under the table) the state will find out and garnish his wages for child support.

I did not talk to his bio Father, although UIL believes that he did give him money. Bio Father is about as low class as you can possibly get. All of the local judges know him by name, the courts know him...and never in a good way. WH always said he hated his bio Father. He did not have contact with him from about age 10 until we had our first child. My WH VIVIDLY remembers his bio Father physically and aggressively abusing his Mother. He had nightmares about it. Now all the sudden he and his bio Dad are talking? OW found a friend at a bar named Cliff. Well it happens to be that Cliff is friends with bio Father. If this is the class of individuals WH is joining.......then Lord help him. I am embarrassed to even say I know his Bio Father.

UIL gave WH $5. WH said 'well you’re real helpful' in a sarcastic way. Then said 'I can get to work for a day on this' UIL said 'you know, if you had done right with your wife she would have helped you, and you wouldn't be standing here today, so I am sorry. You left an intelligent beautiful lady for a half women.' and left it at that. WH was obviously not impressed.
WH was telling UIL that I never loved him anyhow. I only married him because he was joining the Navy and I wanted the military benefits. Did he honestly convince himself of this? I fought awful hard for a man I didn’t love who had got kicked out of the military……

So ORCHID, How is the idea of marriage coach going??? &#61514;
Danielle

Dani,

Just a quick note to say how PROUD I am of you -- even though I have no right to be proud or un-proud of you.

You've come a long, long, long, LONG way from a year ago, or whenever it was.

I can't believe how much you've changed. How strong you are -- how you aren't willing to be a sap again. Well done!

A.M.
I have grown a lot, and I deal with things in a much more mature manner. THank you for noticing and pointing it out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Somenights I feel like I am failing myself. I get thinking about WH, and the marriage and family we had and I get down. I am driving around, home from practice or school and it is dark, and I am alone. I just start balling my eyes out. Thinking to myself, if WH would have been faitful and loving like he promised, I would not be in this situation. Then I start thinking of times we spent together, places we went, and I get overwhelmed with saddness. I drive by our first house, or see something that we did together...and I get MAD at him and OW...for acting like this life is a game to be played. I feel like calling someone, and having someone validate my feelings. If I even attempt to tell my friends or family that I miss WH, or am sad...they basically say 'are you kidding, he is an [censored]' YES< yes is! I know this! It doesn't mean the years we spent happy just go away and I am happy he screwed my life over...
Danielle

Dani,

I had pity parties for years. They don't really help except for the moment. And I say this with love and understanding.

I went thru this for a long time.

This is not about you. This is about WS and his issues. Your FIL, as an example. Sometimes children choose that path, although they might not have had much to do with it. Oh yes, I have followed your thread. You cannot help your H at this time.

I looked at ow pictures. It made me feel sick. You have to understand that this is not about you. Your WS has issues that have nothing to do with you.

You have gone way beyond what most people would to save your Marriage. You have fought the good fight.

You have to move on with your life, and I hope your kids can come out of this fairly unscathed. Or at least that you can do some damage control at this point.

I think it is time for you to look to your family for support. It is time too disconnect from WS family, look to your own family for support.

Sorry if this is a 2x4.

Your kids need you and your family as a lighthouse for what is right.

Just MVVVHO.

Prayers for you, and your children.

Love in
Christ,
Miss M

Some people just refuse to grow up, don't they?

I'm dealing with an immature OW who, after almost a year and a half of NC (due to a restraining order) is still trying to convince me that my husband is still seeing her. :rolling my eyes Anyway, this thread is about you, and not my situation, so I'll let that go.

Just keep reminding yourself that it's a brand new day. Pray for your husband, even though he "thinks" he has what he wants. Sooner or later, his world will come crashing down...even though from what you've told us about him and OW, I couldn't imagine how much worse his world could get?

I know that this may sound mean, but feel grateful that you have gotten rid of this "excess baggage". You're too good for him.

Me thinks that some R&R and counselling are in order.....down in Hawaii with Orchid sounds good!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> She should be MB's local expert on psycho OP's.

Miss M,
I do not see this as a 2x4. If in any way it is, it was not hurtful. I know WH has issues, a and his issues are beyond my help. When I accepted that I was able to stop calling him, writting to him, trying to get him to accept my help.

I was thinking to myself last night. 'Why do I want to read old letters WH wrote me.' You might not understand the answer I came up with. WH tried to convince me and anyone he ran into throught the past year, that we never had a good relationship. That we got married because he was joining the Navy, that I was never a good wife, etc. He has told me these things so many times that I began to believe them. By reading the letters I bring myself back to realize that he is wrong, and his words prove it. I can't really explain it well...

Since I mailed MIL and FIL the letter I posted here, I havn't called or talk to them. It was pretty much my final message to them, leaving open communication up to them. I feel at peace with that. I know that I did everything I could to make it possible for my children to have a relationship with them, and now it is in their hands.

WH and I were never really very close to his bio family. We brought the kids to visit a few times I year. I havn't seen them since we moved to Maine, expect his bio Uncle. I do plan to bring the kids to see them at some point.

My family as a whole is quite unsupportive. I mean that in the nicest way possible, but they are the worst example of a support system I know.

My goal is to meet friends in Maine so I am able to get out of the house, and 'hang out' so to speak without a connection to WH. I moved here in April and havn't met anyone. I did just join the YMCA for both the kids and I, and transfered schools last week. I hope to meet some friends so that I can have a common interest with someone.

The kids are doing well. They go for weeks without mentioning WH. Then one night DD2 will cry for him. DS4 misses MIL and FIL more then WH. They both met OW once, and DS4 remembers 'the mean Miss Marci that kissed Daddy'. I wish he didn't but I can't change his memory.
I can't bring their Daddy back, and I have accepted that the best I can.

Danielle

Yikes. She just craves drama and can't find it in her life so she is trying to make it in yours? YUCK!

You know, I am not sure how much worse it could get. They both are pending court dates, so we will see. I keep thinking 'when he hits rock bottom' but it seems as though he hits bottom, blasts through the rocks and keeps crashing down.

It isn't mean...just hard to accept. If our relationship was always bad, it might be easier...if I ever imagined myself with anyone else, it might be easier. But those aren't the case.

LOL, some R&R! My very best friend lives in SC. I would love to go see her, and maybe early next year I can <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I can't really leave until the DV is over, or until the victims witness advocate needs me for the cases, but as soon as I can I am going to try to go down and see her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (I would love for her to come here, but she WILL NOT fly)

Danielle

Orchid: Your UIL said the OW was 1/2 a woman?!!?!?!? LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Tell your Uncle 'that's a fitting description', 'cuz the other half is alien. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

The WS is rewriting mental history again. Sure wouldn't want to put the WS in charge of anything important. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: It's still in the thinking process. I start my new job on Monday. H is in LA and on call for going to SC. We have a couple of hurricanes sitting about a thousand miles south east of us so we gotta go get prepared if need be. Got lots going on. Right now, I am content just posting here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: What's this mean?!??!?!

You know Dani, I agree that you have done more than you should have. This WS 'attude of his appears t/b deeply entrenched. You saw a few signs of your H wanting to get out but the selfishness in him is getting stronger by the day. I think your H is losing his battle and the WS is getting stronger.

Now that just means that when his world comes crashing beyond his ability to hide it, it w/b hard. You need t/b out of the danger zone so that his rage will not consume you and the children.

The OW at the very best is scared by your presence. As long as you are near both of them, you and the children are a threat to her existance. Her drive bys are warning examples of her wayward, erratic and very dangerous behavior pattern. I get the sick feeling this isn't over. The OW will get braver and try more ways to reach out and hurt you.

While you can't stop her from walking on the edge of annoying you, you can make it expensive her for to keep trying. $$ has a way of clearing the fog. With $$ you either have it or not. The WS and OP begging will go on as long as others enable it but his enabling days are soon t/b over. See the A doesn't have a future, you can't tell them that, they (ws/op) have to experience it.

That's the beauty of plan B. The WS and OP get to experience the consquences of their decisions w/o your involvement.

You are not the issue here, they are. You just need to keep you and your family safe.

The OW you are dealing with is psycho. She doesn't just want the WS, she has that nutcase.....she wants you, all that you and your family represent. By your very presence, you are a threat to her OW existance.

Again, I caution you t/b careful.

Hugz,
L.

Some OW are regular folk who fell face-first into an affair mess

Some OW are stupid folk who aren't enlightened by a direct lightening hit to the head

Some OW are life-style repeaters who are recycling their childhood pain (usually Daddy-issues)

Some OW are looking for a way out of their own miserable lives and ~anyman~ will do

Some OW are f'ing crazy nutz criminal types who are driven by forces of evil and have no working conscience

the OW you are dealing with is the latter

This woman is like an angry hornet .... KEEP HER AT A DISTANCE FROM YOU AND YOURS .... OR BE STUNG!

Thank you for posting this, Pepperband. If you don't mind, I'm going to save your comments and show them to my husband. You told me the exact same thing a year ago and it helped me immensely.

Don't poke a stick at it, don't stir it up, and hire a professional to get rid of it...were your words to me, I think?

I like your comments/descriptions on why the OW acts like she does. My OW seems to fit #2 through #5. She does this intentionally. I pity her, actually.

Anyway...back to Dani.

I seem to be drawn to insect/pest anaologies when it comes to dealing with OW.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Who said important? I don't dare put WS in charge of anything, even himself. He needs to be appointed a legal guardian

This is so true. She wants my last name, my kids, my in-laws.... She wants to go to college at my school, she wants to get a 4-wheeler and join the WW club I am in...
She wants go to the same vacation places WH and I went.. It is really sick.

Very true. Honestly, I think she is MORE then that. She is about three of those descriptions all scrambled into one. and WH thinks he can 'help her'...he can 'take care of her' Okay, I wish them luck..

Danielle

Dani:

Truthfully, although you may not wish to admit it, you are bordering on OBESESSION with the OW. Yes, I understand your hate for her, but the power you give her in your life is something that must take tremendous amounts of energy. It takes alot of energy to "hate" soemone.

Your WH did this to you NOT the f-ing crazy lunatic OW. Every post you make always goes back to the OW, and very rarely impliactes your WH...almost as if "she made Adam do this". I know you have not said this, but if you were asked to be brutally honest here, I have a sneakuing suspcicion that in your heart of hearts you feel this is all the OW doing, and that if she would just leave you and your WH alone, you could "recover".

When you finally accept that this is all your WH's doing, you will perhaps begin to heal. I hope and pray you find the strength to take back all of the power that you give the OW in your life...I really hope this for you.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Danielle,

While I do agree with Lemonman that your WH is the one who has brought the ow into you life, however, I do agree with Pepper, and this particular ow is particularly psychotic.

This is another issue beyond what Lemonman has dealt with. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Sorry LM, some issues are different than yours. I do not believe that the om stalked you or did these kinds of things in your situation. Yes, Danigirl's WS brought this upon everyone (inlaws included), but she has a CRAZY ow to deal with. You did not. I did.

Regardless, I have dealt with a psychotic ow. Even if WS has brought this upon you you have to deal with this mentally NOT OKAY person. I feel ya, girl.

IMVHO the best way to deal with ow is to ignore her, and get the law involved (as you have been doing, kudos to you!) Do not respond to her in any way, shape or form, as you have been doing.

She does want to be you, and she never will be you, cause you are the real item, ow is not. Just stay away and use all your legal options.

Thank you for your reply to my response to you. I am so sorry that you do not have family support. I did not either, although my mom did let me cry on her shoulder at one point. This was good. My family is all gone, my Dad and my brother. My mom has had two strokes, has had systemic Lupus for about 20 years and is just not what she was. Now she has terminal pancreatic cancer. Oh, now they are all going to be gone. I get that.

But you do have us at MB. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> We loves you!

God Bless you Dani, if ow wants what you are, then let her try. LOL! It is NOT going to happen.

You are doing so well. ((((hugs))))

I just want you to know you have my prayers.

You are going in the right direction. Keep up the legal stuff and protect yourself and kids as best you can. You have a lot of people who care about you here and are giving you wonderful advice.

I know your WS brought ow into your life, but she is NOT okay, and you have to deal with that. Leave it up to law inforcement and to the lawyers. I can see that you are done. And I am truely a marriage advocate, but you need to protect you and kids from WS and ow.

You are doing an awesome job.

Oh, and by the way, you are SO worthy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Keep up the good work. Keep up being dark, and keep that divorce going, and all the legal stuff also. Not that you will get your money back, but at least you will have justice.

Keep safe and God Bless. You are wonderful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And Hon, I hope you can move on. You Deserve The Best. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Quote from ULTIMATE BS DIVA JEN ANNISTON to XWH Brad Pitt when she saw pics of Brad after he dyed his hair bright yellow (kinda like Adam did in those pics):

"BILLY IDOL CALLED....HE WANTS HIS HAIR BACK!!!"...

Bravo Jen! And bravo Dani for showing us the faces of the two psycho ones!

I personally think OW looks like Courtney love AFTER she stops doing the white stuff...and GAINS ABOUT 75 POUNDS!

Not a looker.

And for the empty banner tatoo...she probably was a complete WUSS and couldn't stand the pain and could not bear to have the words written within the banner...or didn't have enough money to complete it. Or was waiting for some married man (probably met lots of em') to toss her tacos (before she eats them) and then fill in the stupid blank.

It is IMPORTANT Dani that you understand this precept of the way our lives work now...This is important to remember.

The WS and OP if they either live together or marry will NOT have it easy. Fantasyland is not reality. The endorphin high will wear off in a short while and then they will begin arguing, fighting, picking at each other, etc. And Harley is right...about 2 years is the limit for the lovey dovey stuff...and enough time to see the damage they have inflicted.

If YOU stay OUT and let them LB all over the place, it will happen. You take 2 deluded, foggy people and take away their common denominator (*YOU and the fight to save the marriage) and they will begin crumbling...and this will happen without any ANY action on your part.

Thus, they are not having a happy life. Their common thread is fighting YOU ok? And its' their only thread to cling to. Cut the darn thread. Total silence. And if he is able to work, he should pay child support. They are 2 miserable people my dear. And sadly to say, he looks like he's kinda matching her as well (yellow hair, blank face and a stare like he's saying "duuuuhhhh"). My xh turned into the Atlanta version of "the versace pimp" when he first entered this "new" life revision of himself.

And yes, it is laughable.

Just cut the thread. Let them turn their sadness at life, their horrible life choices, and the truth turn them against each other.

Wanna know bout the convo w/OW/W 2 days ago? I actually received an email from ow1 and the most notorious one of all, monkeyho, my arch nemesis. She is like Lex Luthor is to Superman ok? My xh, still very W, forwarded a chain email w/a greeting at headline asking about how MY son is doing (and trying to reestablish contact with her once soulmate)to both ME and his current W, the other OW. (I know...yea hard to follow...just my xh was SOOOOOO wayward!)

I promptly phoned his present wife (as he calls her...imho, implying either there will be more or that she is not really the real wifey or something) and said this, "I am sure Family values, that you recieved the email from Monkeyho. I am phoning you to make sure MY son is not in any way around this woman when my son is alone with my xh." She is silent. She says, "you mean Darth sent ME and email from Monkey> he's TALKING to monkey again after Bahamas incident?" I say I don't know about their life. That it's NOT my business. I just told her that I did not want my son around that woman.

She freaks out again. Asks ME, the betrayed xwife, for info on my xh's life. I tell her I don't know. But to check her own in box.

She says she's given Darth another chance, yada. But that she thinks he's still cheating (*like I don't know this). Then says she is still talking to an attorney and considering divorce...all without taking a breath.

I tell her this:

That I stay out of their life. I only want what is best for son and demand to know if my son is being exposed to anything immoral or illegal as a guardian and parent to my son. That while I respect her as my xh's current wife (my words to her), that I do not personally and will not ever let her off hook completely as she helped my divorce along quite well and spent my money well also. I then tell her this...
"Family Values, if Darth ever truly repented, you'd know. Why? Because he'd have to divorce you as it's an affair marriage and ask for MY forgiveness and ask to repair OUR family and follow God's path for real men...so be careful what you wish for hon. You can have him. I want a real man in my life." She was wordless. I said "have a nice day."

So the best way to let their miserable relationship die is to stay out. What do I do? I don't intervene unless it is about my son. Or about anything related to him (if immoral sitch or something). And I don't back down from my stance I made 3 years ago.

And yea, I do add to their misery by sending a touch of truth now and then...

Step back, be only a messenger of truth, and only have extremely limited contact as he does NOT have custody of kids and let them implode. See? It's working!

Her drive by's are sooooo not even tenth grade...if a sixth grader could drive, I'd expect this behavior.

I say Let's call her Ms. Love from now on and Mr. Idol. Those will be my nicknames I am giving them.

And Pep, you're classifications of OW are right on!

Family Values and Monkeyho are classic examples of two through five....