I doubt it. If he is not riddled with diabetes and the like, then he has a very good chance of doing well with a transplant and leading a near normal life.

I think you are using alot of "energy" here worrying about something that you have not an ounce of power to control.

Tomorrow is a big NFL football day and there are previews to be read, pizzas and haogies to order, and beer to pick up...please get your priorites in order (joke.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />).

Don't worry, I assume he is getting an ArterioVenous fistua placed as his permanent dialysis access....that "mark" usually has a way of NOT letting people forget the "disease" they have. There is little chance that a relationship spawned out of an affair can last the "lifestyle" changes that dialysis brings.....your big question will be; Do you want this "man" after all of this.

Honestly...I wouldn't, but that is just me.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

No, I don't want to be married to him but I care what happens to him. What's NFL to a Brit ? Enjoy the game. tt

TT -

Hope you are feeling better soon. I know how hard it is to watch someone you love go through this.

Still keeping a kidney warm for him. I don't know if I could even be a donor as I am 56, but I'm healthy and everyone in my family lives to be 100. So I figure the kidney has another 40 years in it.

TT, I'm not going to be very nice here. I suggest you bail out of this situation. It's not going to get better. You're going to have all the burden and work to go with all the anger about your WH's abandonment. Do you really think that OW is going to stick with him once she figures out what's happening? You'll end up being the one schlepping him to dialystis and whatever treatments he needs.

I've been there. My WH had a hip problem that prevented him from living a full life for 15 years. Although he worked hard at his job, there was much in life that he could not do. He had little mobility, lots of pain and restrictions. I raised the kids, did most of the physical stuff around the house, put up with his moods and limits. I cared for him through his surguries and all, I got little in return. When I had babies and a miscarriage and various calamities, he certainly wasn't there for me. Now that he's full mobile, he's out the door.

TT don't get caught. Don't waste your life being the nursemaid. File for your D. Get your pound of flesh and more in your settlement. Move your family to a safe location. England's a nice place. You have family there. If you don't, through guilt, your sense of honor or circumstances beyond your control, you will end up caring for your jerky WH.

GET OUT OF THERE! I agree with lemonman on this one.

GG - I do believe I will be following your advice. It's just too stressful for me to stick with him and despite my deep attachment (I've known him since I was 17), he really has given no indication of wanting back in the marriage. Thanks.

Dear TT

just hugs to you and kids. Hope their brithday party is a blast for them.

In the end you need to do what is BEST for you and the kids... that wll be a balance between their needs and your needs. It may mean you will need to do something to enable you to provide them with one stable parent.

Your H can have a fairly good life if he looks after himself as LM said ... but SHOULD that be at the emotional and maybe physical cost to YOU?

I dont know the answer TT but you cannot keep giving and giving and giving and remain a whole person in this type of relationship.

THIS time YOU have to make choices TT, and its h3ll I guess. YOu have a heart so big it does give many of us encouagement to keep plugging away even though the situations are so different.

Please protect yourself and the kids financially before OW sucks it all away.

Lots of Love TT from myself and the kids - even Mike!

[[[[[[ TT & kids ]]]]]]

{{{{tt}}}}

I dunno... last week when Phil and I were talking and I mentioned that I was sick, the first thing he asked without coming up for air was if I had cancer.

Whoa! Now there is a guy who is doing some heavy mental overtime.

My response without any sarcasm or meanness whatsoever was Gosh no, but it wouldn't matter if I did have cancer because you would leave me anyway. I hope if you get sick you won't need someone to care for you.

Honest to cutlet (if I can resurrect that awful saying) I had no trace of malice in my voice. Phil was sucking wind at the other end of the line. My point?

It's not your job to martyr yourself. If you want to give and can do it with a glad heart. Excellent. You don't want to give? Excellent! Look, God handed your H several life preservers - if your H doesn't want to take them...

tt, you are an amazing woman! It's hard not to feel those twinges of guilt but what else can you do but take care of yourself and your girls? Of course your H won't get such good care on his own.

Maybe what he needs exactly is to experience what it's like to live life without someone as wonderful as you to love him and care for him.

As WAT would say, think about it.

Sally

AW & Sally - Catholic guilt has a lot to answer for. I don't want to be a martyr. Even if we are divorced I know I will still care about him, but I will feel safer about mine and the girls' financial future. Wish property prices were more reasonable in England, particularly where I come from. Thanks ladies for your replies. tt

Many patients here in the US go on disablity after needing to go on Dialysis. Patients with ESRD (End Stage Renal Disease) have increasing % of mortality each year and often have severe physical and psychosocial effects of what this does to their lifestyle.

Also, they are automatically covered under the "Medicare" program regardless of their age. This is for insurance coverage...and if I am not mistaken it is 100% covered under the Medicare program.

I had no idea how serious this illness was, and how a special consession was made for it with the federal government, until I was researching it for a class this past summer.

I am sorry that you are having it tough tt. Hope it gets better soon.

committed

tt,

How are you tonight luv? Thinking about you!

Sal

Me tonight. Well, wide awake for a start and it's gone midnight. WH brought the twins back about 10.30. He bought them IPOD's and introduced them to his girlfriend for the first time. So one DD says, "Mum, we met daddy's girlfriend. You should get a boyfriend". I knew they'd like her. She sounded 'sweet' in her pidgeon english when last we talked!! (When she called 19 months ago to let me know that she was screwing my husband).

And of course, this was all done without my wishes. He hadn't told me he was going to do it and he dropped them back off without coming in. He is such a cowardly conflict avoider it is pathetic. I tell you, this is turning into such a great script for a soap opera. We are divorcing. It's just a question of time and paperwork. tt

Bluck. That is stinko. I'm sorry. Anything I can do to help you feel better? Stand on my head? Send snacks? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Sal

TT,

I am sorry for your WH and what he will face, but I can't help but be glad that you are making the decision to divorce.

I agree with Ark 100%.

Good that you care about him...pray for him and do what you need to do and can do to care for yourself and girls.

I don't know why some people choose a path of destruction, but they do and maybe they must, for reasons we won't know until we become old and grey, and very wise.

Well I think I'm starting to get the "grey" part down pretty good.

How about you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sally - well it made me smile that you would stand on your head for me, so go for it!!

Weaver - Just scared of the unknown I suppose but I know what needs to be done. I keep telling myself he is a good man but a friend on the phone said to me yesterday, "no, he's not, he's a complete ******". Why is it that everyone else's problems are easier to fix than your own?