Actually, wiffty, I did a similar caluclation a little over a year ago. I seached the net for some stats. Can't remember them all exacly now, so I'll use approximations based on my memory.

My primary critera:

% of population that are female = 52%
% of population that are in my desired age range = 12%
% of population in my age range that are single = 22%
% of the population in my age range with college degrees = 14%
% of the population of women in my age range without children = 12%

There were a few others, but I cannot remember them. Percentages of factors on the same population are multiplicative, so.....

0.52 x 0.12 x 0.22 x 0.14 x 0.12 = 2.31^-4
(ooooo, that looks bad!)

Given that there are 4.2 million people in my area:

4,200,000 x 2.31^-4 = 969

Ziks! Only 969 women in the available pool for me and we haven't considered race, ethnicity, religion, or any issues of emotional compatibility. Now that is depressing! Not really, since mine was a first approximation made on national data compiled using sampling and analytical methods about which I knew nothing. So my method probably wasn't appropriate and I had no measure of it's probability of being accurate.

I'm an Accountant and I can't take this numbers game anymore! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Wiftt's analysis reminds me of a similar one I saw years ago. An astronomer made assumptions about the probablity of life on other planets and how close it would be to the life we have hear on Earth. His conclusion 'proved' that somewhere out in the universe is an alien planet that has a great Italian restaurant on it.

[color:"red"] LOL! [/color]

geez, i only wanted to keep perspective. . . I work in a facility of 500 or so, and so far, there is only 1 possible person that I have found attractive in my age group, available, etc, and after 18 months there, I met her for the first time this week.

there is no need to expect to find the next spouse right away, and even then, if you do, its luck. .

so to answer the question: how much time to find another satisfying relationship take? [color:"blue"]who nose? the future is uncertain. [/color]

wiftty

Wiffty, I know just what you mean! There are hundreds of sinple women of all ages in my building. I see fewer and fewer "attractive" women. Once, I'd look at a hottie and think "OMG! What I wouldn't give for some of that!" Now, I look at them, still apperciating the aethetics, but think "I wouldn't go near that!" It's all about attitude, mine and theirs. In keeping with your perspective, I would say that if you are thinking about it right, there aren't many potentials out there, regardless of the size of the pool of availables. You have to know what you want more than where to look. You may never find Mr. or Miss Right, so you have to be comfortable being alone. Funny thing is, once you've done this, you suddenly become very desireable to others. I think this is the reason why we often hear that you find the right one when you stop looking.

Not to get off the statistics rant.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> BUT I have a question about this.

I am actualy quite at peace with living alone and not needing a date. What I find myself doing is the same as many on this board - closing myself emotionally to people. It is a beast that I need to conquer.

One of my friends even said tonight - why are you [LIT] not dating? You and exH have been separated for a year, and Ded for 5 months. You have no kids. I don't understand.

My response was that I wasn't ready. But then I have been thinking a lot about dating lately..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I feel like a hypocrite.

So here's my dilemma - while I am completely comfortable living alone, I often find myself wanting the emotional connection that others have....the sharing of experiences....the person you can confide in....etc, etc. In essence, I know and feel that I don't NEED it. But it's something I truly want.

So how does that work into the equation (no pun intended! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />)

"I often find myself wanting the emotional connection that others have....the sharing of experiences....the person you can confide in....etc, etc"

OK, so get a Golden Retriever! Seriously, you don't need to date to have this need fulfilled. It can be done through family and friends. You can also volunteer to serve a cause you belive in and meet many like-minded people. One of those people may be the one you want to date.

I disagree that making emotional connections with others is not a need. I most assuredly is. What is not required is "dating" and in reality, you stand no better chance (probably less) of making real connections through dating. See, we have it ALL BACKWARD. We should date someone we meet, like, and want to get to know better. But what we insist on doing is date people to get to know them better to see we like them. And we refuse to acknowledge that this doesn't work very well.

Ha ha! I WISH! Me thinks my small apartment be too little for big doggie! ha ha <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

In all reality, I agree it isn't a NEED. And part of why I'm not feeling that emotional connection (with family, friends, etc) is like I said...because I am creating my own wall. I realize this, and (hopefully) am working on it.


I completely agree with this! And I suppose it's often how I think. That I might meet 'that' person in a particular activity, etc....and it would not be an arranged 'date' perse.

But since it's kind of a given that one should 'date' at least a few people before they run into THAT person....then is it appropriate to 'date' just to get practice?

"then is it appropriate to 'date' just to get practice? "

Oh no. What is there to practice? Consider something. Why should a date be any different than participating in a one-on-one activity with anyone? Suppose, there's a new man or woman at work and you invite this person to lunch to get to know him/her better. Things may be a tad awkward at first, but after a few minutes everyone relaxes and the conversation begins to flow naturally. You start to get to know this person and either it becomes apparent that the two of ytou can be friends or you don't have enough in common to be other than work aquaintances. Either way there's nothing lost and no harm done. Now ask yourself: why is "dating" different?

I've said this a few times before. We approach our romantic ralationships very much like when we were teenagers, when we should understand that as adults, we need to do things differently. Forget the entire idea of "dating." Rather, just get to know people and let what comes come. We don't do this, and we inappropriately run the entire encounter through a filter that has much too narrow a focus. That is, we are continually evaluating the other person's suitability as a potential lover or mate. In doing so, we miss the nuance and run the risk of latching on to one or two relatively minor qualities and missing what's really important. We may find that the individual would make a fantastic lover, but you would not normally want to have a cup of coffee with him/her. You go for the love and later have to deal with the disasterous result. If we approach the process differently, we will first make a friend and perhaps fall in love. I believe this is a much better approach. When you think about it, although most married people claim that their spouse is their best friend, when you watch them interact, it becomes apparent that they aren't really friends at all; they're just married.

So I recommend that before anyone starts dating again, they fall out of love with the idea of love. Let love happen as it will, but don't ever go looking for it. Does that make sense?