Hi HH,
Probably best to get away for awhile until you have had a chance to adjust and absorb this new information. so as to prevent a major lovebuster session.
Ultimately though, it doesn't change the current situation, your wife is having an affair. The fact that it commenced and then ended in the past says only that it can and will end again. Expecting her to be honest or rational at this point isn't realistic. She is fogged and it will take time for her mind to clear. Going down this road will ensure that you will learn all manner of stuff that you probably would wish not to know. It is just the nature of the situation.
If you want to save your family and not have your boys live the mess that many children have to endure. The smartest thing would be to go back home after you have taken a breather and go back to work on Plan A -very hard to do - but necessary. You can't do a good plan A when you don't live at home. It is way to early to resort to Plan B.
If your wife is the accomplished woman that she sounds like, someone who can raise 3 boys, while perfecting her piano skills and continuing her education - she is worth fighting for. You have a great family that has made you very happy over the years - it is worth fighting for.
My definition of friendship is that you never give up on him/her. If your wife is your friend - would you give up on her just because she is temporarily insame. Frankly affair fog - is just that a temporary insanity.
Best of Luck
PB
