So should I Plan A again? The A is over, but still he is very disrespectful and stays out all night sometimes and comes and goes as he pleases.

I am confused...what should I be doing? I feel like a door mat. For him to actually say he wants to live half his life home and half away tells me he is being a selfish SOB.

What do I do???

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Sure. Just let your Taker "take over." You'll be "detached" before you know it.

That's hard to do when you have been the Giver your whole life!!!

??

LITC, I can't help you beyond what I said. You asked "how to detach," and the answer is to put "self" ahead of spouse.

The "ultimate" detachment will be the divorce.

IF you are both Christians, I could offer much hope and advice, but if not, the best that I can offer is for you to try to get BOTH of you to agree to follow the Marriage Builders concepts as your "best chance."

For you personally, if YOU will adopt "Plan A" types of changes in yourself, YOU will become a better person, married or not. You will gain a greater understanding of what YOUR personal Standards and Boundaries ARE, and WHY.

God bless.

(((Lost)))
I don't have much advice just support. I feel like I am in the same boat with you. I think we both need plan B but if WH's (yours and mine) won't leave what are we suppose to do?If the A is over does it work? I really don't want to move me and the kids out we leave in my ancestial (sp?) home.

Confused, I just posted on yours!!!

I can't move out...hae no where to go!! WH feels like he can come and go as he pleases. Won't leave entirely. At least your WH is home every night even though he is still an alien! My H was definitely taken up to the mother ship and replaced with this thing I call my WH!

I am sad and frustrated. I feel like you are mentally in a better place than me.

I may have just been dealing with this a longer. I don't get upset often anymore.

If I do its usually because of some disappointment my kids have suffered. The promises that get made that he has no intention of following through on. DS is a car nut he wants a car to work on DD is animal lover she wants a new different pet every week. I say no and explain why, WH tells them what they want to hear.Like, telling DS13 that he could get a junker car so WH and DS can work on it together. DS thinks cool, lets get it this weekend...WH says oh I meant sometime in the future maybe a year or 2. Or telling DD10 she could get a St. Bernard puppy. DD thinks cool, I'll find one on line and she has a name picked out "Daisy". Then WH says "oh I meant to replace one of the pets we have already." So DD is in tears thinking WH is going to "do away with" one of our current pets...He says no when they die naturally in a few more years.

^^bump^^

I am late to the game here--are you sure the A is over? NO contact at all??? This sounds very much like someone still in an A, if only phone or email or something.

You are right, it does. I am as sure as I can be. But, WH does have a work email that I have no access to. His actions while he was in the A were very different than now. Now, he is just fence sitting. I think he wants to be available to do what he wants if the opportunity arises, but he also wants his home life.

I know the next post will be, then why are you so stupid to allow this?

My answer is I don't know?? I asked him to leave Sunday and he said no I want to stay and then he acts like this.

I thought he was ready to come back to our marriage. He acted like ti for a while, but now he is just too wishy washy. He acts like he wants to be here half the time, but the rest no way.

I just don't know what I should do??

((( Lost )))

What do you want to do ?? If you were not afraid, what would you do ?? (not my advice, but by one wise man here, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hope this helps a little. I feel your pain.

Car