I'll walk with you ... give me a call if you have a sitter !!

I bought a new car and I like to drive it so I could go in your direction iffin I wanna!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

FF, your WH is a low dog for the way he has behaved. A low, low dog. To abandon a needful child knowingly is a low act. A feral act.

Can you not get 'respite' car ein the US ? Over here folsk with needful dependents can get all kinds of regular help. From a domestic support 'pair of hands' to a full on nurse staying in your house while you take a break for example.

If not, then I AM SURE you can find friends and neighbours willing to help out. Squid and I would help out in a second, not out of charity but for the PRIVILEGE spending time with that blessed boy.

Hey FF,

SOO SORRY!! cyberhugs and then some to u, FF!

I have to agree with bOb 150%!! shame shame shame - NOT!!!

And perhaps this is all happening for a reason, Life MAY be better after all this. It might take awhile, but y'know, ther may just be light at the end of that D tunnel.

Who is to say that there may be other help for you later, family or another "man" ( a real one this time) that will step up!

Or if WH actually does care for DS (BY HISSELF) after the D, this may give you MORE of a break- THAT you have earned!!!!

FF, Honestly, I feel soo bad for you and know you are hurting (RIGHT NOW), but I truly think things will look up if you don't wallow- and that is ok for a LITTLE while, but not too long!-!!!

jls

Thanks, Pep! I will let you know.

Bob, I do get some respite. About 9 hours per week. It is the day in day out stuff. DD's homework, cleaning the house, cooking the meals, shopping, getting up at night with kids, caring for the animals, getting up at 5:30 every day to get DS on the bus at 6:30.

As DS gets older his needs get larger as well. Don't get me wrong, he is a pleasure but also more of a challenge to find help. I have a terrific young man in his 20's working our respite right now.

I will be ok. I really need to get through these next few weeks.

I am no saint as you all know. WH is still angry over my A and my lies. Some of this could be purely his unwillingness to forgive as well. Mostly his weaknesses though. I found out that he believes ALL our marital problems and ALL of his A's are my fault due directly to my A. I can't fight that way of thinking it is too much.

There are many things I love about my H. My problem is it is often too easy for me to focus on those and let go of the other stuff. Then I find out the other stuff is still there and I hurt all over again. I allow myself to believe a fantasy.

Hi JLS! Thanks for the encouragement.

I was thinking about Believer saying she is in a fog..well you are looking at one very fogged up BS.

What about my other points. Do you agree or disagree. Let's get you focused.

Remeber, if he can still act like a WS and waddle like a WS, then he is NOT a duck but a WS. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Gotta give you stuff that will bounce back in your head when you deal with him. That way the anger is blocked somewhat and you will not feel so drained.

Reverse babble?!?!? Well if you do it now, it w/b with too much anger. But know that RB c/b fun and once you get your anger in control you w/b able to RB whip that WS into a size you can handle. Really....this is true.

One day soon, I will share my current WS story (nope not with H - he's ok). The residual of pain due to working with a WS is quite scary and hurtful to many....to say the least. Can we say that is why I had 4 e-mails from him in 1 hour and a nasty voicemail message?!?! I am no longer even an employee of his..... awhhh... I divulge too much. Will tell share that horror story later. LOL!!!!

L.

Orchid, if you have some RB I can use without my anger flaring up I am ready.

Can't wait to hear more about the story you have.

First we need you to get your anger under control. Then we can use the RB.

Did you read my sig about the stages of grieving. Knowing the next stages past the anger may be helpful for your subconscience.

Go back and read the points I outlined 2 posts ago.

L.

No...I would tell them to run like h*ll. I think instinctively I knew this.. that is why my anger gets so out of control. I start out calmly asking for answers to help me heal and all I get is "I don't know"

No, I should not love a man who refuses to help me heal. Do I? Yes, I do.

FF - HaHa. Great minds think alike. I told my WH to step up and be a man too.

Yes, actually I have it printed out. I just replied to the rest.

Orchid: Remember to look at this correctly. You are beating yourself for the anger and sadness he keeps giving to you. If someone where to do this to your children, what would you do? Would you tell your children to stay with someone like that?

FF: No...I would tell them to run like h*ll.

[color:"blue"] Orchid: Ok so why have different or lower standards for yourself? [/color]

Orchid: It is not a matter of him not being able to provide you the answers you seek to help you heal. He chooses not to.

Do you, would your or should you really love a man who choose to NOT help you heal?

FF: I think instinctively I knew this.. that is why my anger gets so out of control. I start out calmly asking for answers to help me heal and all I get is "I don't know"

No, I should not love a man who refuses to help me heal. Do I? Yes, I do.

[color:"blue"]Orchid: Ok, now while I understand your statement, think about how it really looks. The message you convey here is, FF is not worthy of help. She will settle for a WS instead of her real H. While you s/b loving and grieving for your H, you are spending time trying to please a WS. That is futile.[/color]

L.

Nothing like cutting directly to the truth! Yes..as I was going to sleep something occurred to me. I read over and over you can't expect these things from a WS. But because this has gone on for 1.5 years and many times I thought we were "in recovery" I forget that I am dealing with a WS. I need to change my way I deal with him. How can I expect an active WS to act like my H?

FF,

I will continue to pray for you. You have been on my prayer list for a while now.

I don’t have anything nearly as erudite to add to what your good friends have already written.

I just want you to know I feel sad for you also. I wish I could help take your pain, anger, fear and sadness away. But, we both already know someone who will.

And I want you to know your children are lucky to have you as their mother.

It will not last. You know that, don’t you? The pain will not last for long.

I promise.


With all the prayers I have,

PS: I wish I could let loose once in a while, too. But I don’t think I know enough cusswords.

Well, Appy I don't think God would appreciate me teaching you them either!

Thanks for the prayers and for checking in. Means a lot to have the support. I struggle every day with my need to control things and pray for God to help me let go and let Him take over the wheel. Someday...

Rats, I was hoping for a mentor....

I have my Masters degree in cussology <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Do you charge by the credit hour?

"I don't think God would appreciate me teaching you them either!"

Neither would my mother.

Ah ! At last you found a way to blame yourself for your WHs spite and selfishness.

Nope. Not wearing that, flower.

Him blaming you is nomor evalid after what you did in recovery than Squid blaming me for her affair by not noticing her hair colour, remember ? LOL !

WH can rant all he likes but didn't make him do one dayum thing.